|Reviews for Dragon Age Origins The Fantom Edit|
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/20
Wow, I just skimed through the first part and I already LOVE IT! Honestly, Inquisition is possibly my favorite out of the series but you did a great job just with the first part. I've been looking for something like this for quite sometime and I can't begin to explain my excitement. I hope this review keeps your spirits up. Some people are to critical when I thing this is a smooth, excellent read. Keep up the good work, darling!
| shyprincess82 chapter 1 . 8/5/2013
Wow first chapter and im already hooked. I enjoyed the game a great deal and have beaten it several times. It will be very interesting seeing what choices u make the characters have throughout the story...off to read the next chapter...Great story o far...like how u came up with your own beginning!
| Shepard's Son chapter 1 . 7/10/2013
could u help me with Alistair's sense of humour I'm doing dragon age origins fanfic as well and its on this fanfic website?
| BladedRose chapter 34 . 10/6/2012
This goes for all the chapters, very well written! A fantastic read, and dead on with the game! Thank you .
| Dr34ming chapter 34 . 10/3/2011
I don't know why, but I always like it when Alistair becomes king...maybe it fulfills some fantasy. Great story...I love how you made dragon age your own and still stayed close to the game. I only wish the PCs dialogue and quirks were as good as Lyssa's. :D
| Dr34ming chapter 24 . 10/3/2011
That was really inventive. I like how you haven't followed the game exactly, you've added your own bits and changed things around to cut some of the endless bloodshed I assume, which in a story would be rather tedious I imagine. Love it. Alistair...awwww...he loves her...YAY!
| pixie08353 chapter 34 . 8/28/2011
I really enjoyed your telling of the Alistair/Cousland story. Thanks!
| Last of the Star Makers chapter 22 . 8/9/2011
Lol at 'Tomas, David, and Humphrey' as opposed to Tom, Dick and Harry. That made me smile hard core.
I haven't been paying too much attention but I did spot:
"Let's see if we can find a way to solve the dwarve's problems so we can be on our way. Helping them find a king, shouldn't be too hard, right?"
It should be -dwarves' problems- as there is more than one dwarf (plural: dwarves) and they all have problems (possessive: dwarves'). Don't know how big you are on correcting stuff after it's published, but I usually like to know.
| Arrocalot chapter 34 . 8/8/2011
Awesome! Well done. That is one of the best fabric I've read. I really enjoyed your story telling. You have a wonderful gift in writing the battles. I really enjoyed your treatment of Duncan you fleshed out his character well. Your Lyssa was fun to follow and your development of the relationship was sweet and funny. I loved how you portrayed morrigan and your take on the ritual was refreshing in that she did it to save her friend. I really couldn't put it down your prose was eloquent and your use of vocabulary was well done. Thank you I look forward to the sequels !
| Last of the Star Makers chapter 4 . 7/31/2011
So I actually just started playing DA:O myself about a month ago, and I really like what you've done so far :) I totally got the 'Barkspawn' reference from the Vanguard story line and thought it was hilarious. You've got a couple of grammar mistakes, but overall the structure is great!
| Seren chapter 3 . 5/6/2011
Love love love it!
| E153N chapter 34 . 5/3/2011
Hey! that was an awesome story, when reading it I hadn't played the game as a female or rogue yet so the whole approach was a little different.
The way you also linked the events in that particular succession also made sense, leaving out the "irrelevant" side-quests and filling in the extra dialogue to round off the characters.
By now I've made it to the top of the Circle Tower using your "walk-through". Strangely enough it seems like the game was meant to be played in this way, seeming far more meaningful than the other play-throughs.
The relationship between Alastair and Lyssa is also very well portrayed and I believe it made the story that much more addictive.
Also I have to agree with the other reviews, the dialogue is brilliant and witty.
You get a ***** rating for me.
| Thot84 chapter 4 . 11/24/2010
Well, this chapter proves, you definitely have a feeling for telling stories: the adjustments to the main plot in this chapter are really good (the rumor of the killing of the Couslands going around in the camp; Alistair's reaction on Duncan's decision to put Lyssa through the joining).
Especially the discussion between Duncan and Alistair is a nice way to illustrate on the one hand Alistair special connection to his mentor as his guide in life and on the other hands it underlines the dilemma of the life of the Grey Wardens.
Nicely done here!
On the other hand I still get the impression, that Lyssa is too perfect, too ideal to become approachable/likeable by the reader.
For example Duncan's opinion on Lyssa attitude concerning the Grey Wardens: How does he know her attitude, when at the beginning of the chapter stands that she has hardly spoken a word with Duncan during the journey to Ostagar?
| Thot84 chapter 3 . 11/24/2010
I have started to read your Dragon Age trilogy and was very pleased with the first chapter, but when I was through with the second and the third, I couldn't hold it back to comment:
Your writing of the Lyssa Cousland strikes me very one dimensional.
Here some impression on my side:
- She's always right: She's the only one who despises Arl Howe from the start or she is right contrary to her mother about the mabari hound Moby ("I take back everything mean I ever said about him," the Teyrna said)
- Lyssa even starts to lecture her mother immediatley after it ("We must not get sidetracked, mother.")
- There are no weaknesses, no problems for her during the fight. I mean, she get out of the siege of the Highever castle without a single scratch, while battling the soldiers of Arl Howe on her way out.
-She shows no sign of shock as Arl Howe's first man comes into her camber, but instead she's immediately in finishing-off-mode. This gets even more bizarre when her mother is totally shocked about Howe's betrayel and Lyssa immediately states: "I don't know, but when I find out, he'll pay for what he's done," Lyssa said coldly.
From my point of view those aren't signs of determinition, but more of being a robot.
All of this puzzles me even more, since your description of Alistair in the first chapter was dead on the spot.
But perhaps this impression is more due to me lacking understanding of the dramatic of the situation. ;)
Lets look what else you have in store.
| Sasukec chapter 34 . 9/29/2010
I have to say, I am completely amazed with the outcome of this! You are talented, indeed, and I am VERY happy with the idea that you stuck to the main storyline. This gives readers a chance to read through the gameplay rather than having to go out and buy it.
Now, I'm not saying one shouldn't go and buy it, but it gives those who are unable to buy the game to enjoy the story!
Your descriptions are quite detailed, but not so detailed that I begin to lose track of what the scene may even be. Your story has just the right amount of emotion into it, that is not too much at once.
I'm sorry for the long review, but I just have so much to say about this wonderful story! You portrayed Alistair (one of my FAVORITE fictional men of all time xD) just perfectly! Humor, innocence, and all!
You do deserve much more praise than what you have already received and I am willing to suggest this story (and its following sequels) to my readers, if you would give me the permission to do so. You truly deserve more praise!
Once again, I applaud you! :D