Reviews for Mourir
The Death Frisbee chapter 1 . 10/18/2012
Hey there. First, kudos on the tagline: I was trying to decide what to read of yours that hadn't had so many reviews, and this one caught my eye for the tag, though I know nothing about the fandom.

I thought this was good and not overwrought: for a fic about death, that's crucial. Not knowing any of the characters, I have a good sense of the fandom nevertheless - the names are jarringly dissimilar to one another, but I know that's part of Death Note.

My sense of this fic is that Matt and Mello are part of some type of rebellion against Kira's forces; tell me if I'm wrong there.

Morality and religion don't necessarily go hand-in-hand, and I think you've given a good sense, even with just that scant crucifix mention, of Mello as someone in the martyr vein of religiosity, so it works well for me as characterization.

One remaining quibble: What happened to Takada? She's all too quiet in the back, and then Mello dies - I'd have liked a brief word as far as whether she was alive or dead at the end (beyond just the 'all too quiet' hinting me towards the latter), as I think that'd make things feel slightly more complete.

The pace and tone are well done. I didn't get a sense here of anything being unnecessarily jokey or glib, or on the other hand being far too grim even for the grimness being ratcheted high enough as this is.

I hope these thoughts were helpful! SPAG follows.

***

SPAG:

cold and sudden - I'd take out the comma. It's not incorrect as is, but I get the feeling both cold and sudden are describing the stoppage's quality and, if so, you don't need the comma
suicide even, - needs comma after, as a parenthetical expression
all right - two words, even if 'alright' is a casual variant
rifled at by - the two prepositions after another confuse me. Also, do you mean 'shot at' or 'looted'? I tried to give you an easy fix, but fixing creates other problems, so just want to draw your attention to it if you choose to smooth it out.
not realistically anyway
2lazy2login chapter 1 . 7/18/2011
*crying**trying to find 8th box of tissues throug tears*
Relala chapter 1 . 2/21/2010
On the whole, I think that this piece is just beautifully written. I can’t quite pick the line that shifted me into the Fandom, or decide just exactly what it is that makes me like this story so much, but it’s a really gorgeous work. You really captured the moment.

Awesome lines:

“Matt had never been intended as a sacrificial pawn.”

“It's only scant seconds later when he feels his heart constrict, white-hot pain blossoming from his chest, spreading like a cancer, and running down his left arm to the tips of his fingers and back again, prickling like electricity.”

“Empty and meaningless phonemes fall from his lips, tumbling down, dripping down like the blood from Matt's body”
EternityEchoes chapter 1 . 1/27/2010
Oh, my god...I've read a few other fanfictions based on Mello's thoughts right before he died, but absolutely none of them even come close to touching how incredibly moving and wonderful this story does. I absolutely loved it, especially the line

"Matt had never been intended as a sacrificial pawn."

I don't even know why, but that is probably my favorite line I've ever read in a fanfiction.