Reviews for That Most Heinous of Crimes
tyog56 chapter 9 . 4/22
Awesome story!
cv snowblind chapter 9 . 4/7
Is this still alive?
sesshyluhvr chapter 1 . 3/22
Wow. I only read the first chapter and I already want it in my favorites.
Spider summons. AWESOME. Never thought of that
Spider Sage. Just where did you get those great ideas?
lazyguy90 chapter 9 . 3/6
Fascinating story.

I hope you update it again sometime.

Keep at it.
Poppy Grave Dreams chapter 9 . 2/24
I love this story so much. Spiders are adorable, and your OC is fantastically developed. I like how you focus on Team 7 as a whole, also.
Oh I am Slain chapter 9 . 2/22
Aww, reached the end. I'll hope for more someday anyway. Thanks for the delightful story!
Beyogi chapter 9 . 1/6
Well, how can you just end this story with such a WTF moment without follow up?

Anyway, great story, thank you for writing,
Beyogi
CeresMaria chapter 1 . 12/23/2013
OH MY GOD THIS IS FUCKING AEWSOME!
Navn Ukjent chapter 9 . 11/18/2013
Fun and VERY different story so far.

I hope that you will continue this at some point.
Lazurman chapter 9 . 10/19/2013
...Derp.
Lazurman chapter 1 . 10/18/2013
Oh, god, the spiders... *shivers*

On another note, this absolutely was not a horrible idea. You are an inspiration to all other aspiring writers of SIs everywhere!
Crystal M. Key chapter 9 . 8/15/2013
This story is fascinating, and I hope you update it sometime. Thanks! Favorite parts:

I sighed, and looked across the table at Sasuke. He looked back. I shot him a look that told him I knew exactly where he was and how he was feeling… And, strangely enough, I got one back.

I guess those with siblings do have a connection… Even if one is a crazed genocidal maniac, and the other is a crossdressing asshole.



"Fuck you, bastard!"

"Hey, hey, focus guys," I interjected. "You want to know this or not?"

"He insulted me!" Naruto whined. Sasuke snorted.

"I'm stating an obvious fact."

"Yeah well, you're a pale, anemic vampire!"

"Oh good, stealing from the transexual. I always knew you were weird."



"We're going to see the Hokage," I explained to my summon.

"Ya want me to grab his face?"

"Why Gumo-chan, do you think I just summoned you for that?" I asked.

"Sometimes I think you just summon me for that," the little spider huffed. "You never summon me to play fetch or tag anymore! It's just to torment people!"

"Is there something wrong with that?"

The spider hummed thoughtfully, clicking her mouthparts. "No. It's kind of fun!"

"See, this is why you're my favorite," I said, patting the spider affectionately.



It was a cliche in nearly every fanfiction you could imagine that the jounin ninja had their own bar. And those writers would probably be titillated to learn that they were right-They did have their own bar.

It was even secret. In an open sort of way. Nestled between two regular bars in the red light district, the roof of which I was crouched on. Every ninja knew it was here, but everyone had their own theory on how to get in. From wrestling a bear to withstanding Gai's Lecture On Youth, Parts 1 through 10, in one sitting.

Now on audiotape. I really wish I was making that up.

Hey, jounin don't just take missions to make ends meet, ya know.

But no, all you really had to do was get in without looking like a total and complete idiot.

"Heyah, Spider."

Which I nearly managed. I froze and looked over my shoulder.

"Hello Mitarashi-sempai," I said. That most infamous of Konoha kunoichi chuckled evilly as she looked me over.

Yes, the first thing to pop into my mind was that she was "magically babelicious". The second thing to pop into my mind was that she was insanely scary.

This did not take away from the babelicious part, mind you.



Kokubogumo was sticking to the ceiling above, casually knitting a sweater. I had been forced to make my own clothing during the year on the Spider Plane, and the old spider had taken to it as a hobby. She looked down at me with the spider equivalent of a smirk.

"The young do not always do as you might expect," she commented. I smirked back and nodded.

"You didn't have to bite any of them, did you?"

"Only once," she admitted. "After that, they quieted down."



My pride was in no way feigned. I had thought that the brats would, at best, still be alive… But I could pick up on a real bond between them all, forged in suffering. And really, aren't those the best kinds?

"So, we start missions tomorrow… Unless you'd like to start one now?" I asked.

The trio looked at eachother, and looked back at me.

"No way," Sasuke said flatly. "I need a shower."

"Me too! I mean… Where the hell were you?" Sakura demanded.

"It's been two days!" Naruto snarled.

I stared in disbelief. My internal clock was usually pretty on-spot… On the other hand, I hadn't spent two days screwing Anko Mitarashi before, had I?



At Naruto's complaints that he wanted cool combat jutsu, I reminded him that even the most basic jutsu, with sufficient chakra and in the right circumstances, could be awesome attacks. After all, hadn't he pulled off pranks with very simple materials?

The very scary grin that emerged on Naruto's face, and the expressions of dread on my other students' faces convinced me to come up with another training exercise to keep them busy with. Seriously, the kid was like Macguyver-Give him the chance and he'd combine dozens of rather disparate and useless items together to form a laser cannon or a railgun or something.

Hence, I gave each of them their first jutsus to master. For Naruto, I gave him Doton: Kaisaku no Jutsu, and had him practice controlling his clones from underground.

Yes, apparently digging underground was totally a ninja skill he'd learned off screen. Thanks Kishimoto, that was very helpful. Granted, I was probably going to get a lot of hell from the townspeople for essentially creating a plague of giant, orange-garbed praire dogs, but screw them, it was useful.



"Thanks for listening to me! Good luck Shino! Your bugs look juicy and delicious: I bet you'll do well!" She waved her leg at Sasuke. "Good luck Sasuke! You look juicy and delicious! I bet you'll do well too!" She then turned and scuttled back to me. I offered an apologetic look to both of them.



"KAI!" Naruto bellowed, and a shockwave of wind left him, making the trees shake overhead. In the distance, I could hear a few people shouting and yelling, and belatedly realized that not just ninja used genjutsu, no-A fair amount of civilians used it too… Particularly women as a cosmetics substitute.

Naruto's headband had flown off, landing on the ground. He looked about as surprised as everyone else did.

I briefly thought of a David Caruso-esque one-liner, but they wouldn't get it. No, instead, I had a better idea of how to react.

"Hmm… Close. I think that almost did it. How about you try again with even more?"

The horrified looks I got just made my grin wider.



"Are they all like that?" Sasuke asked. I smirked.

"Those two are among the least, er… Affectionate," I confided.

"Affectionate?" Sakura asked, making a face.

"Well, you have to understand, the Jorou-clan of spiders are shapeshifters," I explained. "That is their greatest strength, the ability to turn into almost anything, like a natural henge. Given that the majority of them are female… And have reached sexual maturity…" My expression darkened. "And are very fond of me…"

Sasuke shuddered. "Fangirls."



My eyes widened in horror. You could see the lights switching on in dozens, hundreds of the spiders' eyes. They all knew me, knew who I was. Their expressions changed, they primed to leap. I had no time-Even my reflexes wouldn't let me escape. As one, they pounced, all of them bellowing the same horrible cry.

"ANDO-KUN!"

"GAH!" I cried as I was buried underneath hundreds of little spiders, all gripping onto me, jumping on me, and staring at me with inquisitive, happy eyes as they babbled and shouted happily.

"We missed you!"

"Where have you been?"

"Did you bring me a present?"

"I want some candy!"

"Check his pockets!"

"Kisses!"

Even under this onslaught of arachnid affection, I kept my wits about me. I slipped several brightly colored, rubber balloons out of my sleeves, and managed to bring my fingers together long enough for the Wind Bullet Jutsu. An application of webbing later, and I had dozens of balloons flying away from me, which served as the perfect distraction.

"BALLOOONS!" The spiders cried, and cheered happily as they leaped after them. I groaned and sat up, rubbing my face.

"Awwww…! I wanna balloon too!" Ringumo whined.

"I gave you a ball, what more could you want?" I asked. Ringumo still pouted. I glanced over at my students. Physically, they were all fine-The spiders hadn't dogpiled… Spider-piled… Piled on them as well.

Emotionally… Well…

"Sp-Spiders… Spiders… Everywhere," Sasuke mumbled, eyes frozen wide in horror. Naruto, after seeing the spiders glomp onto me, looked excited. Sakura had the air of one who is trying very hard not to break down screaming-Like a tough chick in a horror movie.



I had heard a few things about her from Ringumo and Kokubogumo, but nothing from Andoryuu-sensei. That seemed a bit ominous to me. He was smiling of course but with him, that could mean we're going out for ice cream, or we're all about to suffer horribly.



Naruto was energetic, waving all of his front legs and calling out "That was awesome!" "Let's do it again!" and "Dattebayo!"

Sasuke looked stoic, but slightly embarassed. Sakura was a shaking, nervous wreck.

"N-Never again," Sakura muttered.

And Ringumo, of course, was joining Naruto in chanting "Let's do it again!"
Mokuton Kitsune chapter 9 . 7/31/2013
After reading your remarkable story, and having no small amount of coffee, I have decided you have done the impossible. Or, what seemed to be. You wrote an entertaining story focused on an OC that is not overpowered and has flaws. I applaud you. But seriously, UPDATE! Two years is a long enough break! I want to know what happens next man. You're pure evil for leaving a cliffhanger like that. Oh, and one question. A few chapters back, when Anko replied to Andoryu's (Awful close to Andrew, by the way...) comment about his eyes and says "Yeah, all four of them.", does she mean he actually has four eyes or wears glasses? I assume the latter, but you know what they say about when you assume.
TenchiSaWaDa chapter 9 . 6/4/2013
... Its good but where is plot? i feel like im in eternal side story?
SomebodyLost chapter 9 . 5/19/2013
So they're dimension hopping now? :D

This is one of those best SI fics I've ever read. Please continue and trash canon.
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