|Reviews for Near's pain|
| Exploading albino potato chapter 1 . 11/26/2012
WTF eww how old is Near, 12? And what's wrong with Mello...
| Kindred01 chapter 1 . 10/30/2011
well umm there is a few way to go about, mello dreamt that Near killed himself, or Near dreamt it, I tell u one thing I would so beat the living day lights out of Mello if I was there
| Yaoi-Luver o.O chapter 1 . 6/20/2011
Oh my gosh...
Nyah haha! smiles
| EasternSunflower chapter 1 . 4/11/2010
I think it was good, the only thing I wanted to know is how Mello felt about Near dieing because of him. But other than that, it was good. .
| midnight-elise chapter 1 . 4/7/2010
I liked it, but it was rather OOC, especially at the end. Just so you know.
| xPrincessKagurax chapter 1 . 3/14/2010
| blue-eyes27 chapter 1 . 2/13/2010
what more to say? Poor poor Near... why does Mello have to be sadistic? Aw...very interesting but Near shouldn't be suicidal! But over all the story was amazing...
| goneforeverunusedaccount chapter 1 . 2/2/2010
Hey, not so bad for your first fic. My first fic on here was...well, it was pretty good, but riddled with errors.
I noticed that in the first paragraph (maybe more) you had a problem with the tense. 'The students at the school knew better than to disturb him when he’s playing with his toys'
Should be played with his toys.
But anyway. I feel sorry for Near. Mello can be so evil! I'm not a big fan of MelloNear (MelloMatt all the way!) but I enjoyed reading this.
In the end, I guess Near won. By killing himself, he escaped further abuse from Mello, so...yeah.
| Ladey Devine chapter 1 . 1/29/2010
I like the story thow it was sad at the end.
| xElementFivex chapter 1 . 1/29/2010
Alternate Universe- not the canon universe. A story placed somewhere that's not in the Death Note universe, but using Death Note characters. Examples are a story where the Death Note doesn't exist, where the characters are in high school, etc.
And your story has potential, I would suggest a beta or something, but it wasn't bad.
| HoshisamaValmor chapter 1 . 1/28/2010
'Lemon' is the term used for explicit sex scenes.
'oneshot' is a fanfic that contains only one chapter and which is not intented to be developed, such as this one.
'angst' is a theme/style of writing that is depressive, with dark, sad, really low feelings. it's beyond drama, it's more intense.
'parody' is what you call to something which is done in a comical way. for example, a parody of Death Note would be a Life Note, dunno (stupid example). it's to grab an original material and make an alternative and funnier version.
'LMAO' is actually a type of laugh in the internet. such as 'lol' for example, but it's more strong, like you're really laughing a lot.
I myself still have a bit of doubts about some terminologies but I can help you if you want.
as for the fic itself, it's clearly a AU (alter universe) oneshot. not exactly my favorite type of reading, but I like things that overall have violence / rape in them. the writing was plain and good, so, good work
as for the rate, I think this should be M because of the theme, and though you don't have a clear lemon in this, there's a big reference. you may risk someone reports this as inappropriate rated afterwards.
| Person chapter 1 . 1/28/2010
Not bad, but you need to have someone edit your work before you publish it. You also would do well to develop your characters more. "Because I feel like it" is a poor excuse for rape, no matter which way you look like it. You could have delved deeper into Mello's reasonings. Just in general, you have potential, but it needs to be polished up a bit.
As for the terminology you asked about:
Lemon- explicit sexual content, basically porn
oneshot- not a multi-chapter story, sort of like a short story
angst- that deadly place between drama and melodrama, most stories on here are angst
parody- purposeful 'mocking' of something
| CinnamontehWizard chapter 1 . 1/28/2010
Wow, I kinda liked that.
Not that I like reading of Near's pain and all.