|Reviews for Out of Control|
| acetwolf94 chapter 10 . 9/22/2014
NICE! ADD MORE PLEASE!
| Erma chapter 10 . 5/6/2014
I love your Kyra she takes no crap but at the same time is very vulnerable and just wants to be loved.
| yriz3 chapter 4 . 5/30/2011
I am loving this story so much and the healing tub with the wax stuff, that's from the movie Wanted right? :)
| I'd-Trade-Medals-For-Cookies chapter 8 . 5/24/2011
its a great story, I loved it. It kept me interested the whole way through and it will be even more interesting to see how the others got onto the ship and how kyra and riddick's relationship will go
| jenefaner chapter 8 . 5/14/2011
I really wish you would finish this! Is very good!
| Wolf Huntress chapter 8 . 5/4/2011
I love this story, It is awesome.
| Megan Consoer chapter 8 . 1/13/2011
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
| 0xxxxamberxxxx0 chapter 8 . 12/23/2010
Don't stop keep going !
| Lissa Roxford chapter 8 . 7/9/2010
I hope you haven't abandoned this story. I really like it! Please update!
| TSgirl chapter 8 . 5/1/2010
I can so imagine Jack becoming like this. I can't wait to read more please keep updating.
| Scarlett chapter 8 . 3/28/2010
Dude, where's the rest? I want more. You left me hanging.
| Elyse chapter 8 . 3/11/2010
Please write more. I really like this story. It's better than the movie.
| Elyse chapter 8 . 3/2/2010
Dangit, I hate unwanted guests. They always present such an unwelcome interruption. All the same, its great. The tension just keeps building and it reminds us that Riddick and Kyra are still on the run, no matter how much I want them secluded in their own little world. It's a good thing, adds realism to their situation.
| Fennelwink chapter 8 . 2/24/2010
*sigh* At first I wasn't going to review this story, but darn my urge to help. I'll be frank, it needs some work. Particularly punctuation. The long run on sentences kind of lose me after a while. Is English your first language? Because I notice you're using some words wrong. For instance, "confused." You can't have a character ask a question and say something like '"Blah, blah," Kyra confused.' You should use the word 'asked' or 'questioned,' or even 'queried.' The word confused cannot be used like that.
And what's going on with this ship of Riddick's? Obviously it's pretty large. Just how many people are there on this thing? Who are these people, like the doctors, who keep showing up? Spend some more time on setting the stage here so readers can get a picture in their heads.
And speaking of the father and son doctors, just who are they that they are so familiar with Riddick anyway? Why does Kyra herself talk so openly to them and not be offended that they know way too much about her and Riddick? Not to menion their constant giving her unwanted advice. I would think she'd find it invasive and not want to talk to complete strangers about old wounds. It needs to be done but, how do I put this... They seem too familiar with her. There needs to be more emotional distance when those characters are speaking to one another. Does that make sense? I keep expecting Kyra to yell "Don't talk to me like you know me!" But instead she tells them very personal things. It doesn't seem realistic to me. At the very least you could partially explain it. Like saying in the story that Kyra felt strangely comfortable with them. Or she found herself telling them things she normally would have never said aloud. Give the reader some glimpse into their minds here.
Sorry if all that came off as sounding too critical, but empty praise doesn't help an author to grow. I think your story is worth polishing up till it gleams like a gem.
| JamesRamsey chapter 8 . 2/23/2010
Two excellent chapters! I love how they slept on te couch together and how comfortable they were together.
The fight scene by the pool was also great. Loved how he insisted that she keep her back in contact with his and fight as one.
One small suggestion...some of your words were the right word but wrong spelling. Spell check doesn't check context only if it's right or wrong.
If you ever want an extra pair of eyes, PM me I would be happy to help.
Awesome story, keep up the fantastic work!