Reviews for The man who looked at the sky
Shayla Zajac chapter 1 . 4/6/2018
This is my...4th or 5th read through of this story. It's still one of my faves! I always come back to this and Man of Mist when I'm waiting for my followed stories to update. It always pulls me in once I start, and consequently can't stop. Hope to see a new story from you again at some point, if you're still writing. Thank you for OCs Nail and Kazaf!
To the guest reviewer on 3-13: he was not incorrectly spelling Nail. His real name is Neil, with Nail being his stage name/nickname.
windypath chapter 37 . 3/13/2018
I hate being the asshat who writes a review years after the story was put up and the author has long abandoned, but what the hell, I have time and my dignity is sufficiently low.

Just so I have an excuse for when I start inevitably rambling, I think I might have blown through this in less than 48 hours and I am sorely lacking in sleep. Every time I stumbled across a bit where Kristoph would be going through another insomniac spell I'd kind of chuckle to myself and nod because, wow, I think I can really sympathise with him in that regard - I think it's been almost a week now since I actually slept during a time period wherein it's actually dark outside, and as much as I tell myself that I will correct my sleep schedule I have yet to feel tired enough to want to do so.

I've got to say that you should be proud about this. While I can't say with certainty that this is something "great" or even "really good" because I have no faith in my judgements or criticisms, you wrote a thirty-seven chapter story in an absurdly short period of time; not just that, you wrote it pretty damn well. You complain a lot about creating OCs that are borderline Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and OOC moments in your writing (and pardon me for bitching here, but the snarky part of me is sneering "if you knew there was a problem, then you shoulda fixed it instead of whining to your readers about it") but I couldn't bring myself to dislike any of the characters and their actions.

Alright, there were some points where I had to hold back the cringe. Sometimes, like with that moment where Apollo and Klavier finally define the relationship boundaries in front of a courthouse mobbed by press, I thought it was just a little awkward because it was placed smack dab in the middle of the action like some random fluff bunny bouncing across the highway - not an unwelcome sight, but it still sticks out against the rest of the road and it seems to be heading somewhere else entirely.. Others, like a lot of the stuff happening after Eternal Summer, felt more like tacked-on filler that could have been easily condensed to make the story move faster. And then there were some where I made weird noises and figuratively planted my face on the desk because the setup is good, but the way things are carried out makes me feel irrationally embarrassed on their behalf.

Especially at that scene where Kristoph is confronted by Klavier and Apollo for the last time. I would have preferred that the dialogue didn't go with Kristoph telling them "yea guys it's cool lets go" and they're like "rlly? :)" and then Kazaf's like "no he a troll" and Kristoph goes ":) lol yea i am" and jumps off a cliff?

Yeah, I'm exaggerating more for comedic effect than genuine, helpful, constructive criticism; so sue me. I didn't hate these scenes, really - in fact, if there's one strong thing to point out about this story, it's that the motivations of these characters and the things they do to be believable, for the most part, even when you were introducing unlikely connections that most FF writers in this fandom would usually shy away from - Apollo and Klavier's deep bond to Kristoph (who most writers portray as an unforgiving, murderous and unsympathetic monster with no redeemable qualities, which I feel is like baking a cake with only flour and sugar), an unorthodox friendship between Daryan and Machi, and pairing Ema Skye with an OC - and I am incredibly pleased to know that Nail was sticking with the blue hair dye so that Bright Blue Skyes can still work as a ship name. Seriously though, even if Nail is a bitter jerk who lands in that infuriating region of humanity called "morally grey" I ship those two so hard that I'm ashamed of myself. Maybe it's my naive tendency to be a little too forgiving, especially to those in the realm of fiction, but I think I'd pull a muscle if I so much as tried to hate any of these characters, even the unimportant and asshole-ish of the crop.

But good lord, find yourself a decent spellchecker, boy! The number of grammatical errors in this story were through the fucking roof! If I lost a brain cell for every time the wrong tense was used, or you wrote something like "lied down" or spelt it "Neil" instead of "Nail" I wouldn't have enough to figure out breathing! How am I supposed read when I've got to sort through that unedited soup to figure out what you were actually trying to write?

Jokes and poor proofreading aside, I feel like you didn't give yourself enough credit for your OCs - in fact, I felt like you became so terrified by the idea that you might have unintentionally created some Gary Stus or self-inserts that you actively tried to tear them down in a way that would make them not-so-perfect, and while they are still up to par with the other characters you may have slightly hurt them as a result. It's true that no one likes flawless characters, but that doesn't mean they have to be complete assholes either. In fact, everything from the punny name and strangely-geeky-but-lackadaisal attitude had me half-convinced that Nail Colfin was simply another Ace Attorney character that for some reason I had not yet encountered.
Kazaf provided me no end of confusion during the first few chapters, since being a first-time reader I was unaware of the circumstances surrounding his position (such as the fact that he became Chief of Police at EIGHT?!). The only thing that bothered me was I found his attitude towards Kristoph was looking somewhat inconsistent at the end here - I could understand why he would read the eulogy, but not why he would shed tears; I was under the impression that their relationship was strictly professional or at least something that wouldn't drive him to be so emotional; perhaps I'm simply missing some context. You handled his personality quite well, capturing the essence of an eighteen-year-old kid burdened with heavy responsibilities and the weight of the system breaking his back.

Finally, I'm running out things to comment on! There's a lot to bring up, way more than one quick read-through could provide. While you aren't the most technically skilled writer, "The man who looked at the sky" is a fresh change of pace from all the fluffy and cracky stuff I've been finding. And it hits hard. I can tell that I really liked a story if it hurts like a bitch when I've read the last chapter. I can't tell you how much of a comfort it was to get one big author's note at the end to provide some comfort and closure. Sometimes I don't know whether the "good" or "bad" stories would be better reads, since every time the "good" story ends, it stings like a bitch.

I have a thin skin when it comes to the feelsies and this one packed a wallop. Things end on a painful and bittersweet note for the beloved characters after they have endured the suffering that they have and I'm left having a mental-crisis seizure on the carpet while trying to come to terms with the fact that yes, it's all done, curtains closed, and I still have a life even if I ignore it.

SOMEONE SHOW ME SOME BRIGHT BLUE SKIES. FREE ME OF MY PAIN! CLEANSE MY SOUL BECAUSE IT NEEDS CLEANSING NOW! Maybe I should take a page from Gavin there and look up at the sky more often. Must seek freedom! Get your antidepressants already, now!

Off to do things. Wherever you may be, hopefully your writing has continued to be fun - and improved! And if that happens to not be the case, then hopefully you're enjoying whatever you're doing and improving at that! And if this happens to show up in your email as a lovely surprise, much like how my cat loves to leave digestive-waste surprises around the house, then remember that there's always a button you can use to mark things as spam! But seriously, enjoy your life, because that's the least I can hope for a stranger, and the least I can do for getting 15 hours of entertainment from your work.
just a doggo chapter 37 . 8/14/2017
I'm so glad I found this story again after a lot of digging.
I remember loving it the first time I read it because I love Machi Tobaye, and this story had him in it, interacting with Daryan, one of my favorite characters. I loved how you portrayed their relationship even though it was more of a side-story to Klavier and Apollo.
Now that I come back to it, and now that I've finished this story once again, I can say I fully appreciate it for more than just Machi and his cameos. Your OCs, Nail and Kazaf, were both so amazing and interesting and complex. I love how they fit into the grey area- not good nor evil, just complex human beings. I love how they interacted with Klavier especially and I love how you fleshed them out so well. I also love how you explained Kristoph's motives and Apollo's reasons for staying and sheltering Kristoph.
This is really such an amazing story and I do hope to one day see more of your works. :)
Anti Kristoph chapter 29 . 7/10/2015
Finally
ChloboShoka chapter 1 . 2/12/2015
This is a beautiful fan fic. AJ is really underated in my opinion because the characters are so amazing and complex. I love how you wrote Daryan and Kristoph and also love how you've made alternate endings and Machi's role in the story.
ClairePuff chapter 37 . 2/4/2015
I finally finished! And good heavens, this story broke me. I can't even begin to express how perfect this story was, just in the sense that it felt real. It felt authentic. The characters acted like real people, and this is one of the stories that has actually made me tear up.
The characters. My god, the characters. Kazaf is the kind of person I would hate, and I still loved him. Nail is beautiful and wonderful and human and I love him too, even though he's a jerk. The canon characters are so amazingly in character, and yet you go deeper than what the games show. I am in awe.
Apollo and Klavier finally actually getting together-that entire scene, with some modifications, has become my headcanon for how they get together. It was perfect.
I wasn't really sure I would like this fic, but I gave it a shot anyway, and I'm so glad I did. If I could impart to you my feelings on this story, it would be a combination of squeals, tears, swearing, awe, and general amazement and love.
Elchikaah Haly chapter 37 . 9/14/2014
Okay, when I learned about the sequel of your other story, I was pretty happy. Although, when I read the summary, I thought this would be a generic revenge fic about two old prisoners searching for the ones who put them in prison then torture them or searching for them like creepy stalkers.

I'm glad I was wrong.

I find this fic cute in parts, mainly the interactions between the Gavin brothers and Apollo. I'm not a KlaPollo supporter but I think the relation works well for this fic.

You make us really feel for the characters, even your OCs, but I feel like other characters like Phoenix and Trucy are kind of put apart. When it was written that Trucy's kinda the only "Wright part" who's still in contact with Apollo, I was expecting a bit more of their brother/sister relation but there was almost none. :(

Beside of that, you really managed to keep us digging more of the story after every end of chapters. I find myself in their world and I could never stop reading. Even if reading was looooooong.

Even after what Daryan and Kristoph have done, it's almost like you can't help yourself but feel bad for them. And that means very good writing! Though I think I would have liked to see a bit more of what happened to Machi at the end, but I can understand since he's not really the focus of the story, lol.

Congrats on finishing this insanely long and great story too!
NeukiTesla chapter 37 . 6/2/2013
This is probably the longest fic I've read (I'm a oneshot kinda guy). And it's worth the long ride.
First it started a bit draggy but I kinda like it since it was building up some sorta connection with Kristoph. Somehow. But I guess because of that I was kind of OKAY with Apollo hiding him (if you didn't tell me much about his prison arc I'd curse your Apollo rightaway lol sorry). I like the flow of the story and the details you put into important and trivial stuffs. Though I have to admit some of the details were probably too much, especially on the tin-man part. But that's bearable and didn't make me skim through the text.
Klapollo/Kyodoroki is my precious otp and I like their tensions, ups and downs, in the story. The Apollo confession chapter (was it 20?) was mindblowingly dramatic (just how I'd suspected from Klavier lol), but necessary. My utmost favorite moment was the one when Apollo thrown into jail. Seriously. I can't even contain my feelings. I didn't see Apollo's forgiveness coming. God, it was too much feelings. In a good way, of course.
Now let's talk about your OCs. I haven't read your 'Man of Mist' so this was my first encounter with Kazaf Devereux. God but I LOVE that kid, seriously. I never was a fan of OCs but let me see here, my browser history shows that I've searched dA and google image for any fanart of Kazaf...with no avail. DAMN. I NEED TO SEE HOW HE LOOKS LIKE *desperate*. Nail Colfin is fine too. Though I expected to see his forensic thingy a bit more to show his scientific side. That would be really awesome.
So this time I'll try to read Man of Mist and I can't wait for your future work (if you're planning on any...but, but, you should be, since you're awesome) :3
blllaaarrrghghhh chapter 29 . 5/10/2013
Man, everything great about this story can't even be summed up in one review, seriously.
I love this. So, much, you have no clue. I love the length of the chapters, how it takes me so long to read one but when I do, I'm not sad because there's another one after that, and another after that. The fact that the story is quickly drawing to a close saddens me, because it feels like that part of my routine will be gone.
I just love the plot you've spun, your OCs are fantastic and just. Yeah, I told you not all this could be summed up in one review and I was right.
All the comments that characters make to each other, all the little details. This story is amazing and even if I'm nearly finished reading it, I think it will be the sort that I come back to again someday.
Truly great work.
Shayla Zajac chapter 37 . 12/16/2012
Thank you for posting on a note at the end of the story. As a result it reminded me how much I loved the story and I went back and started with Man of Mist and read both stories through again. I neglected several just bought books to re-read this fanfiction that I've already read. So thank you for that :D

Seriously, this is a truly great story and I wish that Man of Mist was the official backstory of AJ and The man who looked at the sky was what officially happened after AJ. You have a way of crafting this story so well that it's you don't want to put it down after you start reading it. I remember when you first published it I would eagerly await the "New Chapter" emails.

I absolutely love the chapter Apollo declares his love for Klavier in front of the press, and I absolutely, absolutely love the chapter where Apollo burns down his door and takes Kazaf captive, and the events following that. I agree with a previous reviewer that I liked that the Klavier/Apollo relationship was part of the story but not the main theme of the story.

I love Nail and I LOVE Kazaf. I'm usually a huge anti-OC reader but I think you developed these two great. Seriously, I cannot get enough of Kazaf and he needs another story haha.

Keep up the great writing! I know you abandoned the mafia! story but I look forward to whatever you write next!
yukidaru chapter 37 . 11/30/2012
Why not, instead of rewriting just write a sequel? Cover Machi, Daryan, and all the other characters we know and love and see the journey. Quite honestly, lets see some Klavier x Apollo romance because well, this story was rather skimpy in that department.
yukidaru chapter 35 . 11/30/2012
Is Kristoph the piano man? Impossible!
yukidaru chapter 21 . 11/28/2012
I shouldn't but I'm so happy Kristoph escaped.
yukidaru chapter 20 . 11/28/2012
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Finally, it happened!
yukidaru chapter 9 . 11/28/2012
Hmm, even though I usually despise OC's, these Oc's were well crafted and seamlessly injected the story. I really wish Kazaf was cannon now.
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