|Reviews for Bed Talk|
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/20/2014
Waaaah! Do more please!
Oh and about "your" and "you're" usage. Please know what proper 'your' and 'you're' you'll use next time.
But still, DO MORE! AND CREATE LEMON FOR THEM! :D
| ng g chapter 1 . 12/14/2013
i love it
| CarolsLightDarkConspiracy11 chapter 1 . 5/30/2010
This sounded more like a fan's imagination than a story. Some parts sounded really silly, I don't know it's because you're not a native speaker or something, but something doesn't flow or [sound] right. It was touching and sweet, I'll tell you that, but not in the right way. By the way, quotes should start as new lines, not continuously in one paragraph.
Don't get disappointed, I'm only giving you friendly advice. Once you get this worked out, I hope you'll continue writing good stories. _
| Music yuki3 chapter 1 . 3/27/2010
umm first hi?
haha second, well i can say that try to use double spacing, try to read other fics so you will know. no offense but at first i thougth it is boring xD.
well, the story...
the story or some parts rather made me smile xD
i support aoixtatsuma so yeah.
I am expecting more stories of them pairings xD, also try to improve :D
| Vitani chapter 1 . 3/6/2010
Hi! One last time, I figured I would leave you a review for your final story. The biggest set-back with this fanfic is that it's in one huge paragraph. Please use proper formatting, and break after each narrative or dialogue. It makes it so much easier to read!
One of my biggest pet peeves in fanfiction is not making tightly woven stories. I have no problems with one-shots; however, I don't think this particular piece works well on its own. It has no real substance or purpose, and I would highly recommend adding this to your second story, as perhaps the final chapter. What do you think?
Again, watch the realism in your dialogue. No one that I know would apologize for "tearing up another's virginity". That was pretty silly a statement. And was Tatsuma actually drunk? That dialogue made no sense, and could do with some explanation.
What is Tatsuma's "confidential mission" that you mentioned? Is this set back after the end of the second season, and he returned from fighting Yagyuu? Were you actually going anywhere with that?
My other piece of advice would be to do some research. You’ve written Tatsuma as being shirtless throughout all your stories, but yet you never mentioned the “birthmark” on his chest. There are so few people that seem to know this little-known fact, but, Tatsuma has markings on both feet and his chest, in addition to those on his hands. Although it’s never actually shown in the anime, these are the symbols that connect him to the Four Gods.
Anyway, I hope my reviews help in some way. Good luck to you in all your writing endeavors, and thanks again for writing in the Tokyo Majin fandom! (P.S. Please don’t write a lemon. We don’t need any more sex stories for this title, in my humble opinion!)