|Reviews for Lorelei:twilight from an outsider's view|
| Josie Butler chapter 8 . 8/10/2010
Hey Kate! Sooo... I finally read your entire story, lol (it's about time!). :)
Me likie! I'll be honest, I was expecting something a little less interesting, but you tell the story well. You definitely pull the original characters together well with Lorelei. My only critique would be that maybe developing Lorelei a little more (description, past, that kinda thing) might be helpful. But I will keep reading - so you have to write more! 3s
| 12crazythomas chapter 4 . 8/2/2010
Nice story, it's good so far. I think that it would suck to be able read people's emotions and their thoughts at the same time, but she makes it work.
| Kennedy Wolf Cullen chapter 7 . 4/25/2010
Oh my word! U rock my socks off! :)
Great story! :D
| Samurai don't need angels chapter 7 . 4/19/2010
ha ha, Love ya, two chapters in one day! I think... :)
| TBurford chapter 6 . 4/14/2010
I hate giving reviews, because, as much as I want to say, I know that not only will most of my advice be wrong, but some of it will be darn right stupid. Though I'll give it a shot, for you ; )
So, having not read Twilight before, I kinda hopped into a world I wasn't prepared for. Sparkling Vampires? Talking through your mind? It's all intriguing... Though Sparkling Vampires really do defeat the purpose of the bad a** vampire figure that are so often portrayed... However, I digress.
I liked reading this over all, I felt that your writing got better each chapter so there is definitely improvement. I sadly think my opinion of Twilight though sways my editing eye...
I'll eventually get to advice.. I promise.. I tend to beat around the bush. ADD, that sorta thing. You know what I'm talking about.
I like the way you describe things, and I found that in chapter six I was really able to picture most everything that was going on. I took a creative writing class last year, and my teacher couldn't have pressed this enough upon us all, "Show, Don't tell."
This man literally spent class periods forcing this into our heads, and I must say, it's grand advice. It's easy to tell someone how the world is in your story, but focus on showing them.
Ugh, there's so much I want to say in this, but I find that the more I want to say, the less I can think of how to put it. I'll have to come back when I haven't stuffed my face full of boneless wings and such...
My overall opinion, you're a writer in progress, and a fine one at that. You've developed a voice for yourself, and it works well with your writing style.
If you'd like someone to read over your story, correcting all the little tid bits of mistakes (grammar, punctuation, stuff like that ya know, trivial all and all, happens to everyone) I'd gladly be your man for your future chapters )
It's 11:19, no, 11:20 at this point, and I'm sleepy, and I think you fell asleep on me, but I told you I'd post a review, and so I have )
| Samurai don't need angels chapter 6 . 4/13/2010
Not half bad, I would write more
| Kennedy Wolf Cullen chapter 6 . 4/13/2010
Oh my higher powers!
That was so funny! :D
| Kennedy Wolf Cullen chapter 5 . 4/13/2010
Great chapter ;)
| Kennedy Wolf Cullen chapter 4 . 2/9/2010
Oh my word! :) I really like this story ;)
| Kennedy Wolf Cullen chapter 3 . 2/4/2010
Hey kid! Let me be your first reviewer! Break out the champaign...
Love the story. It's pretty sweet. Just check your spelling and your use of words. ;)
But once again, love love love it! :) Can't wait for more!
~The lovely Kenn~