|Reviews for Something Wonderful|
| No-Rhyme-Just-Reason chapter 1 . 10/8/2012
"Severus didn't know that the power of love ruled over even his own magic..."
That part of your story summary sounded VERY promising, and was what led me to read your story. :) Perhaps I gave it a slightly different interpretation than you may have had in mind; but it would still be interesting to see where this goes.
"the most grotesque site she had ever seen"
Watch those homonyms, as they are not usually caught by a spell checker. I believe in this particular context, the word you wanted was "sight".
'"Hermione?" Oh my gosh she thought, he said my name!'
I found this part intriguing. Under normal circumstances, Professor Snape, in character would never (and I mean NEVER) refer to a student by their first name! And knowing him, he'd be strictly pedantic in insisting on treating Hermione as a student until after the House Cup was awarded on their very last day of school (lol). The only explanation for this would be if he were harboring a secret (perhaps even subconscious) attraction to her (which may be where you were going with this); and/or if he was just /that/ disoriented upon his initial return to consciousness (which is possible).
Either way, this scene needs more development to be plausible; as the time frame between the Professor's first words to Hermione and his walking back to the castle seems way too rushed. It would be helpful to know in more detail what Hermione is thinking, while giving Severus a bit more time to recover from his ordeal. Perhaps he is thirsty - she could cast an Aguamenti spell while the reader is given an inside look at her thoughts (or even his) in more detail. Keep in mind that the amount of real time it takes to read character introspection has no relation to time elapsed in the story - it is quite feasible to go on at length, setting the scene and filling in background details, etc. while simultaneous (or nearly simultaneous) story events are carrying on at a pretty quick pace.
This paragraph also would've carried a bit more "punch" in its presentation if Hermione's actual, literal reaction (that is, the parts preceding and following "she thought,") were set off from the surrounding text with italics. As suggested earlier, her thoughts, and particularly her stunned reaction to this unexpected verbal slip by Professor Snape deserve a more satisfying (to the reader) in-depth exploration.
A couple reviewers have brought up what appears to be a plot-hole in the use of the bezoar. I'm thinking this could be worked around if perhaps it was Hermione who supplied the bezoar - a modified one she had created by strengthening its counteractive effects with a special charm of her own invention. Again, just a suggestion. In a world of magic, anything's possible, after all. :)
"There was no need to Ms. Granger, I've lived my life. You haven't even started yours yet."
I could so see the Professor making an observation like this. Considering Snape's bizarre life, frequent brushes with death at the hands of ol' MoldyShorts, along with his lingering guilt and unrequited love for a woman long deceased, it is quite plausibly concluded that he is suffering from long-term depression and does not expect to survive the war. Giving Hermione that kiss probably shocked and surprised him almost as much as it did her, inasmuch as it represents (hints at) a sudden infusion of hope for the future which he'd probably never felt before - or at the very least, not in a very long time.
I guess it is this premise that seems to hold so much promise for this story, should you decide to continue it. I hope you will.
| sexualstellarness chapter 1 . 5/30/2010
| notwritten chapter 1 . 2/4/2010
This has been enjoyable to read. Keep smiling. :-)
| severus49 chapter 1 . 2/4/2010
hm. A Bezoar wouldn't actually do the trick, you know. It only works on INGESTED poisons, pulling the toxins out of the stomach lining and esophagus. However, a good vial of Phoenix tears would work.
I love the idea of someone finding him and reviving him!
| mishybot chapter 1 . 2/4/2010
I'm a bit intrigued by Severus' reaction. Obviously it's AU and I like the story line, I'm just curious to how you're gonna move them along. Update soon ]