|Reviews for Exploring Our Feelings|
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/21/2016
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her while she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota Balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.
| Dragon's Lover1 chapter 1 . 10/29/2010
Very short and quick. Not a bad fic, but the scene between Ryoko and Kuroda seemed way too quick. She basically said, "You're only a friend," and despite his feelings for her, he instantly caved with an, "Okay, I understand."
Try building it up more, fleshing out the dialogue. Write and rewrite if you need to. The more dialogue you include, the more you'll learn to keep everyone in character, so just write practice fics that you don't intend to post. Play with situations. See what happens.
One good writing tip to have is to avoid reusing someone's name too much. For instance, if it's solely a chapter about Ryoko and no other females are included, you only need her name to be mentioned once. Likewise, if you have two characters of the same gender, use their names every time you switch actions or dialogues between them, to keep it straight which male or female is speaking at the time.
Another good tip to have is to avoid using a word too many times in a paragraph or sentence. Using the word "only" twice in a sentence is a bad idea, because it can mix up what the reader perceives.
When it comes to mood and emotion, always aim for bigger and better. You did well with the kiss, except that three minutes passed with only a line between them. It hardly makes it feel like she experienced a three-minute-long kiss. Zero in on her feelings, on what sensations are going through her. Have her muse about what Kitano might be feeling. If you think her perception of him would exaggerate every slight move he makes, then exaggerate every slight move he makes for her.
I hope this proves helpful to you! Also, sorry for the long read. . .
| rutger5000 chapter 1 . 8/24/2010
Sorry to say, but this isn't really good. It pretty much lacks everything I search for in a good fanfic. Non of the characters acted like they normaly would, (with slightly possible exception of Ryoko). I see that you wrote this in a way so that even people who have not read them manga could understand it. But if you do that you're aiming for the wrong audience.
Also it's from my experions that you can better write a good story intended for people who have the necessary background info, then a mediocer story for people who have not. In fact if a story is good, it can be enjoyable to read even if you lack all the background knowledge.
Personally I would recommend taking much more time on a story.
Decide what you want to write about.
Get a good and clear picture of the characters.
Put the characters in the situation you desired.
Let the story write itself (much more difficult then that it sounds).
Check if the plot makes sense, and the characters behaved naturally. If so: yay, you wrote a good/decent story, if not go back to step 1. (or at least rewrite it a bit, you don't have to throw everything away.)