|Reviews for Masquerade!|
| Hawki chapter 3 . 7/5
-Similar points as the previous chapter, but the nature of the song lyrics, and terms such as “Valentine,” feel very out of place in a fantasy setting.
-“Aren’t you being a little selfish?”
Yeah, maybe this is the point, but Vaan’s exclamations come off more as whining than anything else.
-On the plus side, the dialogue picks up after this as they get into the shouting match and whatnot. Fine with “true love,” but having some hurdles on the way is good too.
-Um…they’re getting into marriage already? I mean, yeah, they have a history together, but…really?
-So, piece, and chapter as a whole. This is a bit weird, in that there’s a lot of contrast between ch. 1 and ch. 3, with ch. 2 somewhere in-between. Ch. 1 feels the most like ‘Final Fantasy XII’ (in as much as I understand it at least), given its political/societal angle. By ch. 3 we’ve gone into full on fairy tale, not just in the overall story, but also in the writing style, with phrases such as “happily ever after.” Overall, I’m not sure if I’d call this a positive or negative. On one hand, this does generate some tonal dissonance, given that not only does the context change, but the writing style as well. On the other, I can sort of appreciate it, in the idea that the story becomes more fantastical over time. Again, can’t say if this is a pro or con. Overall, ch. 1 is the strongest chapter IMO, and while ch. 2 and 3 are decent in what they do, they feel at odds with the tone originally set.
But overall, story’s decent. And if the shift in tone is intentional, then it succeeded in making the shift apparent.
| Hawki chapter 2 . 7/5
-“Deep within thought.”
Just say “in.” “Within” feels redundant in the context.
-“No doubt it was spiked with alcohol beyond recognition.”
Um…doesn’t she know what she’s drinking? Or is this just paranoia?
-Reference to Cinderella…yeah, no. It ends up taking me out of the setting.
-There’s not much else to comment on specifically, but overall, the piece is a net positive. It’s very ‘lovey,’ I guess (not lovely, “lovey”), but it’s telling the type of story it wants to, and the verbal reference aside, ‘Cinderella’ is indeed a story with which parallels can be drawn. But it flows well, and manages to convey the innocence/naievete of the moment without getting too sappy.
| Hawki chapter 1 . 6/23
-“Can you guess who Evan is?”
Well, since it’s outright stated to be VaanxAshe…um, yes?
-Author’s note aside, very good writing at the start, in regards to tone and wordpainting.
-“Ashe, you know I’m only there so you’re not torn apart by the population of your fanboys.”
Subjective, but given the nature of the FFXII setting, “fanboys” as a term feels REALLY out of place.
-More good wordpainting in the second section.
-Overall, first chapter is decent. I’ll get this out of the way that I haven’t played FFXII (heck, I’ve only played FFX out of all the series), but through wiki editing and v-log watching, based on that experience, I’d say you’ve captured the tone quite well, namely that FFXII is a very political setting (least compared to the other instalments in the series), so by that token, it’s done well. Ashe is handled nicely as well.
| Aramus13 chapter 3 . 2/18
From start to finish, your story is a wonderful adventure. I enjoy the fairy tale setting, i aww at the dance, i'm sad at her outburst, and finally i am happy and lol at the ending. This is truly an enotional rollercoster story. Nicely done
| Antonio92 chapter 3 . 3/29/2014
Oh, man, this was epic. I could NOT stop laughing at the end. Also, kudos to you for using Phantom music at a masquerade _
| edboy4926 chapter 3 . 7/12/2013
| path of dawn chapter 3 . 5/15/2012
wow this is really good. It has a kind of unique flare to it and is well written. you should continue. :)
| ricejames chapter 3 . 1/25/2012
Damn, Now that was a good freaking story, Kudos. I really enjoyed it, grinning the whole time. Funny though, I've been planning an Vaan and Ashe Fic, and was planning on using a masquerade ball in it. Anyhow, that was really good, your skilled at writing.
| The-lazy-bum chapter 3 . 11/9/2011
very nice story. hope to see the other updated soon
| Mira chapter 3 . 5/28/2011
This was a cute story :D
| Yuriski-1st chapter 3 . 8/5/2010
I always thought when i read these VaanxAshe fics: "Couldn't Larsa just...pull some title out of his ass he could give Vaan?" But for Bash to do that...that's nice
| Xardion chapter 3 . 8/5/2010
-Ashelia B'nargin Dalmasca, reigning Queen of the kingdom of Dalmasca was to be wedded in six months to a lost noblemen of the Republic of Landis; who was in fact their favourite sky pirate, Vaan Ratsbane.-
I was cracking up when I read that. How the hell did he pull that off? Oh, wait. Supported by the honable Judge Magistrate Gabranth? Oh that is too much. Sky pirate and con-artist? What a way to get the girl. I salute thee.
Needless to say, I've enjoy this. _
| Imashitowareto chapter 3 . 3/14/2010
oh yeah!this is great ending for me and the pairing!fuwoo!
| TildaIsWicked chapter 1 . 3/3/2010
I just read all three chapters,and I'm really 're a very talented writer,and I'm happy to see that there are people who keep writing for this are far too few Vaan x Ashe fics out there.
I think this story was really cute and romantic.I think you did an excellent job with keeping the characters in character,without changing their keep writing!
| warriorgirl99 chapter 3 . 2/26/2010
aw that was cute. i really enjoyed it. i think ill go read your other story now