|Reviews for Connecting the Dots|
| EagleJarl chapter 33 . 11/15/2014
Really? You never explained the Hinata thing? Yeesh.
The Naruto "let me recap" bit in the beginning felt clumsy, but it smoothed out after that. It looks like Tenten did bring instructional things back with her and is upgrading the tech base. Good for her.
So, that mention of plowing fields with earth jutsus...was that the solution for what to do with out of work ninja? If not, it should be. The villages could branch out to civilian missions and make a ton more money.
So. Finally done. Some rough spots here and there but overall an enjoyable read. Thank you for writing it.
| EagleJarl chapter 32 . 11/15/2014
Argh. "Nearly half of our ninja force has been decimated."
No. It's been destroyed. "Decimate" means "destroy ten percent of"; it was originally a punishment in Rome used on a military unit that had committed some sort of major failing - generally cowardice in the face of battle. Ten percent of the men would be selected at random; the rest would have to beat those ten percent to death with iron rods.
Also, Batman *acquired* the chakra stuff, not "allocated" it.
I hope the Hinata deal is explained next chapter, because it's a pretty major thread to leave hanging.
| EagleJarl chapter 31 . 11/15/2014
A fun conclusion, and a nice wrap up. (Except it's not really wrapped.) A few things:
What was the deal Spectre made for Hinata's soul? (I loved the Sandman Death reference, by the way.)
You gave Lee the GL ring but he never did anything with it that I noticed...well, I guess he used it to let himself fly, but that's all. You could have just let him grab a jet pack for that. As it was, it felt seriously anticlimactic.
I'm sorry to see that Nara won the chess game with Batman, although at least it didn't feel like a total cheat. (Although it seems very doubtful that Batman wouldn't notice he'd lost.)
I'm loving how Tenten is stealing the League and everyone else blind. I hope she got enough stuff for Konoha to set up a League-level tech base. With any luck she got books, tools, and blueprints in addition to weapons.
Ok, on to the epilogues.
| Goddra2 chapter 8 . 11/15/2014
This is excellent; I haven't been this consistently entertained by a fanfic in a long time.
Slight grammatical nitpick: You have the shinobi calling J'onn "aoi hito-san" (Mr. Blue Man). I think you would prefer "midori hito-san" (Mr. Green Man). But J'onn is close enough to blue for it to not really matter.
| EagleJarl chapter 29 . 11/13/2014
The Flash is one of my favorite heroes, so it's nice to see him get some screen time. That said "pounding Luthor's ass" has...um...*nuances* that perhaps you didn't intend. "Kicking" might be a better verb. ;)
| EagleJarl chapter 28 . 11/13/2014
Nah, this wasn't boring. I loved it actually.
The funny part is that, from a purely utilitarian viewpoint, this world IS better than the real one. Yes, Luthor is torturing a handful of people in his immediate vicinity, but apparently everyone else is having a perfectly normal life, different only in that there is no war / disease / natural disasters and they are happy with Luthor. Overall, it's a win.
| EagleJarl chapter 27 . 11/13/2014
Wow, did you really just kill GL? Ah well, Lee will be a much more interesting GL. Of course, like every other hero, it never occurs to him that "throw Doomsday into space / the sun" is a perfectly viable solution, but that's ok. It's perfectly in character for Lee of not think of that. Naruto's fifht with him was impressive...I would have liked to see that Doomsday was beat up at the end, but it still worked.
Poor Kakashi, getting his eye scooped out! Well, maybe he'll manage to get the one from Metro Tower.
One thing I've been meaning to say: don't bother begging for reviews at the end of your chapters. As far as I can tell from 2YE, it doesn't affect how many you get and it's annoying to some people. It may even decrease how many you get.
| EagleJarl chapter 26 . 11/12/2014
Nice handling of the sword vs bracer issue. Not really any other way to do it without doing injustice to one or the other.
Both Doomsday and Bizarro showing up at the same time? That's a bit odd. Also, if I'm reading it right, Bizarro is on their side: "Me am not here to help you" means he IS there to help them. I wonder if we'll end up with a BizarroSuperman vs Doomsday fight.
| EagleJarl chapter 24 . 11/12/2014
Havelock district, Pratchett street and Veternari st? Hitting that one a little hard there. Typically one reference is all you need.
The scene with Lee being Flash-like was fun, and it was cool seeing the ninja doing the sneaky thing. As an anti theist I get uncomfortable every time Hista starts going all biblical, but I suppose it fits the story you're telling.
| EagleJarl chapter 22 . 11/11/2014
I liked the new version a lot. That was a good explanation of why the JLA doesn't mess around in politics. The team scenes were good, and the explanation of why the Hyuuga aren't reall into archery was intriguing. I especially liked the scenes where Batman was training Lee - having him get kicked around at first and then come back to parity or superiority was cool. The analysis of why Lee's weights are hindering him made a lot of sense and seemed pretty perceptive. Nicely done.
| EagleJarl chapter 20 . 11/11/2014
The press conference was fun and yes, Hinata sucks at lying.
I was quite enjoying watching Sasuke get kicked all around town so no need to explain on that front. That whole sequence was kinda unbelievable though: after being shot in the leg, Sasuke shouldn't be doing anything except bleeding. But, ok, action movie biology. Except then he fights off thirty guys ... Why were there that many in the area? Then Rancid comes along and Sasuke fights on the leg. Right now he's got no magic or anything so he should just go down but, ok. Anyway, it went on in that vein.
Doesn't mean I didn't enjoy seeing him get smushed though. Because I totally did.
Couple of items: you don't use tourniquets to stop bleeding. Once you put a tourniquet on a limb, your going to have to cut it off. You just want direct pressure-change the "tourniquet" to "pressure bandage" and you're fine.
In the section where you talk about Tenten and the others in bed, you drop in and out of first person a few times. If those are meant to be thoughts, put them in italics.
| EagleJarl chapter 19 . 11/11/2014
Really enjoyed this. Everyone got to be useful, discussions were to the point and moved the plot along, and (as always) you really hit the characterizations correctly.
I hope we'll see more of Hinata's in other than a GodMode capacity.
| EagleJarl chapter 18 . 11/11/2014
This was great. Tenten being brilliant to figure out her escape, hardcore about cauterizing the wound, bringing Kid Flash in. Loved it. Looking forward to the next.
| EagleJarl chapter 17 . 11/11/2014
An Uzi clip has, at most, 50 rounds. Did Sasuke have a ton of reloads or something?
You played Wonder Woman about right - much like Superman, she's dumb as a box of rocks when it comes to using her powers effectively. Instead of grabbing Sasuke and taking him up high where he'd pass out from loss of oxygen and his eyes would freeze from the cold...instead of going under the river where he'd drown...no, she flies in a straight line at a comfortable altitude. God, sometimes I just want to beat these people upside the head.
More than a bit of Deus Ex with the Hinata Spectre there. Well, there's plenty more chapters so I guess there's more to come. Still, I hope the other characters get to still have agency now that Spectre is around.
| EagleJarl chapter 16 . 11/11/2014
Have to admit, I skipped a lot of this chapter. Too many switches between viewpoints, too much exposition from Spectre, too much of Luthor being boringly arrogant. (Which is not a fault of your writing - you're spot on with his character, he's just always been boringly irritatingly arrogant.)
Anyway. So, Huntress is pregnant, huh? You'd think the others would pick up on that. When an unwounded female superhero tells you she's "not in a condition to fight", what else is it going to mean? Especially when she then starts puking and having scent sensitivity?