|Reviews for Innocence Lost|
| Luscious lisa chapter 42 . 12/1
Really well paced read, very well balanced as well. Thankyou for allowing me to read you wonderful story x
| kinnik chapter 3 . 7/11
I don't know if you are still checking reviews, but I just had to tell you that I LOVE this story so far and I'm so excited that it's 42 chapters long. Longer stories are the absolute best and it's complete! whoohoo
| jeoliverio chapter 42 . 7/3
I really liked this Bella\Casper love story
| Madison.Hagan chapter 6 . 6/14
| Madison.Hagan chapter 30 . 6/12
| izzyandrews123 chapter 40 . 5/23
| orchidluv chapter 42 . 5/6
this was a fantastic fic!
| orchidluv chapter 27 . 5/6
I think edward underestimates the power of protecting a true mate. what a young naive 17 year old poop!
| RDAlane chapter 21 . 4/20
This is fan-fücking-fiction-tastic and I love you. And Jasper. And actually Bella too.
| RDAlane chapter 2 . 4/20
When you're reading in school and don't expect a lemon... But you're fine 'cause you've practiced not making potato noises
| silverspiders chapter 14 . 12/11/2015
I like how well you portrayed an abusive person - you showed a number of aspects in a way that felt realistic, instead of like you were just ticking off a box... using sex to manipulate, the sexist possessiveness, control over finances, being touchy about tone, lying and using double standards, aggression, acting and pretending to reform, the undertones of guilt... It was very hard for me to believe that Bella could still be strongly aroused by him even after his frightening and cruel behaviour, but it was still very well done. However, I thought that Edward's transition was too fast and not really convincing. His shift is similar to Stefan Salvatore's in Vampire Diaries, but that was because Stefan was being compelled by another vampire. Here, it's as if the Edward of a hundred years changed overnight, without a clear reason why and without much insight into his personality, even in his POVs. He just randomly shifted out of character. Now, if this was because of a special talent Victoria had, then that would fit into the story very well, especially it makes no sense at all why Victoria would want anything to do with Edward after what he and his family did to James. Turning Edward into a monster is a clever way to get back at Bella and the Cullens on a whole, but I doubt that's the case here in your story, which is one of the reasons why I'm not going to continue reading it.
Another reason why I'm not continuing with this story is because the connection between Jasper and Bella is quite shallow, and kind of fake. It's very random, with the only justification being that it's "predestined", and so, it is devoid of any real foundation or reason for attachment. Jasper in particular seems OOC and unconvincing. It's essentially a cut-and-paste of Edward and Bella's relationship, with the 'electric' touches, the car buying and money-lending, the feelings of unworthiness on the vampire's part, and the concept of safety being the central point of focus. There's also a dynamic in there I didn't like with the original canon: the child-adult vibes it gives off, especially when Bella is cradled and her human needs are tended to. In the scene when she threw up on Jasper, and said he made her feel calm... I felt like she was his daughter, and she loved him as a father. That's how it reads, and to be fair, that's what makes sense. He's a 200 year old vampire with more life experience than perhaps thirty different people combined. He's fought in major historical wars, changed species, read a billion people's emotions, and lived through changes so dramatic they were visible in a mere decade (1940-1950, for instance). So, humanizing him and making him younger is not really a criticism of your story, per say. It's understandable. It'd be hard to make a reader believe that someone like that would be attracted to a high school girl with little to no life experience. What *is* a criticism of your story is that you took away that potential depth to Jasper and made him a rehashing of Edward and Jacob, as you directly hinted at yourself at some point. There are parts when this is more obvious than others, e.g. when he took Bella to her - undefended - house and then left her there without even a second thought, on the same day her life was threatened by two dangerous vampires who were targeting her (one of which was recently banished and had reason to try and kidnap her). Jasper was supposed to be the military man: no nonsense, strategically minded. He behaved with the foresight of a five year old.
At the very least, this is a codependent relationship, not a real relationship with any kind of substance to it. Codependent stories can be good, but this was too fast, too forced, and too shallow in terms of character profiling and development. I'm sorry. You wrote this in 2010, and have a number of satisfied reviewers, so you probably don't care what I write now, but just in case you do, please keep in mind that this is just me thinking out loud. It's not a personal attack on your writing ability; this story in particular just leaves a lot to be desired.
| Shadowhunter426 chapter 25 . 11/4/2015
you should write a short about Emmett's trip to home depot, I speak from experience as a home depot cashier that it would be truly frightening to have some one with more than five over-flowing lumber and plywood carts come up to your register.
| nessa01 chapter 42 . 8/6/2015
That was an amazing story! ! ! ! I really can't believe that Edward put her though all of that. I am so happy that she ended up with Jasper! !
Thank you for writing this amazing story for us to read! ! !
| iluvfangs chapter 40 . 6/3/2015
I love everything you write!
| iluvfangs chapter 37 . 6/3/2015
some reunion...kleenex here I come!