Reviews for The Goblin Market
Froggybangbang chapter 10 . 1/29/2011
Miss. Lunard would like to point out to Miss. Xtine that Miss. Xtine seems to have forgoten something *points at the non-existing ending of the story*

Come on! you can't start as good a story and not finishing it ever! I've been wanting to know how that's going to end for *ages* pleeeeaaaase! I know it's been a long time and all but I want to find out what is going to happen!

*lays down in front of her Alpha, begging*
Jule chapter 10 . 11/17/2008
um...well there is really no words ot describe it so i will just say it, but you, um...SUCK.

tixit chapter 10 . 7/10/2003
Unless you’re a lawyer or something else equally dedicated to loquacious verbosity

Remus’ youngest daughter stopped mid stride at the uttering of the given-name-that-must-not-be-named and stared at him.

nice chapter, I am so sorry you are not updating this story...

There are so many thigs we need to know
smoke chapter 9 . 7/10/2003
Probably my reviews are not the well rounded critiques a professional reviewer or an editor might do, but I am having a lot of fun with them:

lets me review freely and the average review is not too sophisticated so that I should blush.

Anyway, I did you a couple signed reviews so you can track me (i.e. they are not anonymous flames), but most of them are "anonymous" in case you decide to have them removed.

The fun a review is giving me, now, is much bigger than any eventual fun I had with the nightmarish operation writing a translating a fanfiction generally involves, believe me.

I am curious about the chapter titles you chose: have they a special meaning? They don't appear often related to the content of the chapter, so?

A silly note: it is nice you mentioned Rourke and the cigarettes affair, but I was wondering... do we see anyone smoke in JKR world? I cant remember this. Gandalf smokes his pipe, but Dumbledore's sin is just lemon sheberts?

Are wizards all healthy or JKR is too politially correct?

We see no animal fur as well, as far as I can remember...

Why Die Flight of die... by the way, it is uncorrect German, but I guess you know it, so? You wrote it this way on purpose? Is it related to something I don't know but I should?

Malcolm is strange, how old is he? Maybe this is a cultural bias but, even now that I am married and have a baby of my own (and I own my own flat) I could never even think of silencing my mother (and she talks a lot), and I don't dare to think of the consequences of questioning my father's behaviour...

In the whole a very good chapter: overall your production is good, with a nice writing not lacking in wit.

With the only exception of the couple of chapters you know I really like this story!

I am still puzzled by the reviews number here at where the readers traffic should be very high. Yes, you upload at the werewolfregistry, i know, and probably over there it is your reign, but, nvertheless, I think you deserved more here, in my opinion.

Maybe the fanfiction average reader's tastes are different? I heard a lot of people telling they deserted this site (overused and overtrashed), maybe this is the reason?

Is this site destiny to become just a giant digital dump?

And, what's now the ultimate HP archive? Fictionalley?

The number of fanfics here is outstanding: I was checking for fun the tales of 19: you have a single little tale every 3 or four days.

It was much easier to read everything, spot the good things and the good authors, I suppose.

Now I have the impression that about 150 new fics are uploaded or updated daily. Who will ever read them all?

On the other side, or you marry a ship or a character, or it is not easy to find an archive you can upload your stuff in.

I owe a lot to and frankly I got here my best reviews, that's why if I dare to review I generally do it here...

Ok I digressed a lot: I've speaken of a lot of things but not of your chapter and this is not polite.

Actually there is not too much to add: I like it and the story captured me.

I am afraid because there is only one chapter left, seen you have a fast pace in evenements, but a slow pace in plot, that the next chapter cant be the last one.

I looked at the upload dates and... well writer's block? Something more interesting you are working at? Or a hetic private life?

In case, please update, and if you have a mailing list, let me know: I am not a regular visitor of this archive and it is impossible to keep track of a story seen the huge amount of HP fics growing and growing and growing..
smoke chapter 8 . 7/10/2003
good chapter title (scent of the woman - profumo di donna).

If you were impressed by the movie with Al Pacino maybe you'd like to know that the script was adapted and americanised (a lot) from another movie (profumo di donna - 1974) from a book, that's very different (and very intelligent) and where no blind man is driving a ferrari...

The novel title was "il buio e il miele" (the dark and the honey) and its author was Arpino (one of the best of XX century, in my country).

I like the quotation of Alice in Wonderland... everytime I happened to meet a quotation in an English fanfic you have Shakespeare, ok, the Bard and so on, but nothig more was published during the last centuries?

"...he shall do something rather rude to the fellow’s tea-leaves..."

the piece with Porfessor MGonagall was priceless, raelly!

"...You have the top Death Eater Widows in the land currently hexing every corner of this house.."

Yes you are surprising, some times you produee perfet sentence in a Jane Austen style (slighlty slightly humourous, perfect really), sometimes really humorous. How do you do?

I wonder about your books preferences...

Icarus is really a good choice for a bromstick.

Annie is really interesting, quit like Rourke: you have create very nice female characters for the next generation.

This chapter had inner coherence and fast pace, in te whole a vary good piece of fanfic. Bravo!
smoke chapter 7 . 7/10/2003
and again a review...

may I smile? I am so happy that Griffin is naturally empathic, but with such a gift how could he have troubles dealing with Annie and Gary and Yule Balls?

wow! I liked this chapter a lot!

What else can I say? nothing, I like it, I am curious about Griffin, Rouke, Billy, and the two griffins.

good job!
smoke chapter 6 . 7/9/2003
The first sentence of this chapter is very good.

Sometimes you have a taste for perfect sentences and they are all enjoyable surprises.

I really cant say that your writing is plain.

i liked as well the littel substory (very little) abour poor little owls, such sensitive craetures... The way you build your world details is very good. Congratulations!

Peliah is very nice, for once a new charater not taken for granted! Wow! I was so happy I would have liked to dance...

The little energetic Hufflepuff and the indolent Slytherin make a very nice couple.

Goblins' little feet are very quick, aren't they, it was a pleasure to see them jump, run, vaporise the door... what is going to happen next?
smoke chapter 5 . 7/9/2003
This chapter is the ideal sequel of your fic first two chapters.

I appreciated greatly your paragraphs pace, very smooth, and the speeding up of the story. I particularly liked the sense of humour pervading it. Good job!

If I were your beta (but luckily I am not) I would suggest you to edit out a lot of lines of the last two chapters making them a new single one.

Some dialogues, especially from Sirius and Lupin, were not really indispensable and made the story less readable.

And I would take away some of the so many references to Griffin’s love affairs. How is it possible that the Weasleys, the Lupins and the Blacks are so interested (and know so much) about a teen wizard’s feelings? And how is it possible they mention it in an owl? Are they all gossiping rumour mongers? A casual conversation would be sufficient I suppose.

Of course this is the humble opinion of a casual reader.

I think that the whole matter about some of your narrative choices is the ideal public you are telling this story.

If you have in your mind the readers who know and love your universe, ok, I know very well everybody likes to find hints of parallel sagas he is drooling over.

But if you want to keep high the attention of a reader who knows nothing of your Lupinverse, well, you should choose some narrative tricks to tell him what’s happened and what’s going on, and shorten some dialogues.

Sometimes readers prefer order and clarity instead of too many mysteries not related with the plot.

Are Gary and Griffin really just sixteen? It is difficult for me to imagine such young folks being so aware of their own feelings, and of the feelings of other people. Maybe I frequented only dull boys and girls when I was their age?

Rourke looks like a very nice character, I’m knowing her here for the first time and I really like her a lot. And the relationship with her brother is sweet without being fluffy and unbelievable.

Annie is nice, where all her energy came from by the way?

The final paragraph was very good: an excellent way to end an interesting chapter, giving the reader the wish to know more.
tixit chapter 4 . 7/9/2003
ok you write well, really.

The pace is good, the ideas are interesting, and the dialogues are well built.

This is not a scrubby product and it is clear you have left your "teen years" some times ago.

In the whole I ilke your story.

But this is a story for people famiiar with your whole work, because a casual reader, like me, really gets lost.

Many conversations, I am sure, they have a very nice meaning for an affectionate reader who can spot hints of a well known behaviour, or remember little domestic accidents and so on, but for a reader like me the story becomes slowly more difficult and heavier.

Yes I know, you are writing a serie just like JKR does so I should not complain, but... the first HP book I read was Goblet o Fire. I was lost at the beginning (no clue about who Mr Riddle was, the first chapter was about this family and then, nothing more about the Riddles... and had no clue about why Voldemort had chosen Riddle House to recover. I understood this thing only after I read Chamber of Serets, 2 books after).

But, except this little thing an the fact that Hermione's parents were both Muggles (I thought just one was) all the story was easily readable for me.

In your case I feel overwhelmed by tons of strange informations pointing into too many different directions.

The story was written and you have your public, surely you are not going to write it again to fit my needs (neither I would ever dare to ask you something like that) but it would be nice, for other stories like that, if you could manage to insert casual explanation about the people, the families, the careers.

I know it is difficult because it breaks the rhythm of the narration (you should invent meddlesome little women gossiping about other people's life), but it would be really more "reader friendly".

It's a pity because, for a reader like me, the last two chapters broke the rhythm of a story with a very good beginning. I didn't feel the urge to "know", but just the one to stop for a while...

Ok, I hope you don't take this as a flame. If it can be of any help, I know that you write well, and better than me (but I am not envious, luckily, too old I suppose).

real life takes its toll... I'll go on with your story another day.
tixit chapter 3 . 7/9/2003
A personal remark: I just checked the number of reviews you have here and the number of uploaded chapters, and I found it weird: I epected much more reviews because the story is riveting and interesting, and the presence of goblins generally unused, how is it?

Maybe you uploaded this story in a lot of places (besides werewolfregistry and sugarquill I suppose), hence the reviewers reviewed somewhere else?

Or maybe no one reads anymore stuff (unless they are very very young and looking for usual love stories)?

I don't know what to think.

How is it the Lupin has silver hair? A personal choice, or something I should know but I don't?

And how is it that Remus and Sirius are investigating, but without the Ministry permission, what are their jobs? their goals?

Probably you are going to find all my questions a bit annoying but some little explanations somewhere could help a casual reader: you give too many things for granted.

I don't like teacher-style fics when the writer is eplaining really everything to the reader, and I generaly like a fic that gives you the impression you apparated in the middle of something and you must try to understand exactly what's going on, but ... a bit of help, here, would have been appreciated (this chapter was difficult to read for me, really).

Maybe you had more reviews somewhere else because over there you have more "constant readers" familiar with your personal fandom family trees? I don't know. I must ruminate on this.

Kentvicks is very nice, gives his menace and... add no explanations.

If you never end this story expect a lot of e-mails begging for the solution!
tixit chapter 2 . 7/9/2003
hmm someone told me no one reads the little rhymes or poetry at the beginning of a chapter, so maybe I am the only one. Anyway, since I am doing the same for the 100th version of my only chaptered fic (adding quotes of stuff I enjoy a lot) I know that when you do it it is because you like those words and think they are somehow related to your stuff.

I was impressed because I didn't know these verses by Ms Rossetti, I knew her as a "fable-monger" and only in a translated version. Will it be the first time I'd look fo a non-fanfic something because of a fanfic something?

Ok, you know how to give the news in a very quick way: we have Hermione, she has married a Weasley, (should I guess: Ron), she is a working woman, they had only three kids, no squib, all older than 11 and it is Christmas time. Concise and effective!

I am just a bit lost about Roarke, Malcolm and Storry. Especially I'd like to ask you "who is Griffin?"

Do I have to confess it? I never read your universe... thus I am puzzled: or these are references to something well known that happened in your personal fan-universe or you have a very hectic way to throw the reader into the middle of a story.

And why is Roarke so bitter with the Ministry wizard?

Let's go on!

Just a personal note: how is it everybody is so interested into the not blossoming love life of a sixteen years old boy? Maybe I lived in a very weird family but here nobody seemed interested into my unrequited crushes at that age (but probably they were just relieved: i used to stay at home reading and I was a girl...).

Isn't Griffin a bit exasperated, he is not a hamster I suppose or a lab animal everyone has the right to check...

Nice thing the one about the troubles of a werewolf when travelling. I like a lot when down to earth real problems collide with magic universe.

Ok you gifetd the reader something more to ponder: why are Sirius and Remus going to Germany? What's there?
tixit chapter 1 . 7/9/2003
ok, I was curious to read this story since a long time: I like goblins; they look rather greedy, treacherous, but, at the same time reliable.

I've always wondered about how the bank really worked. I mean they just rent you vaults or they do investements... and what kind of stuff? legal? quite legal?

What do they sell to Muggles to get Muggle money?

What do they buy from Muggle world to give us back our coins?

Let's see what you have imagined for us!

In my opinion the chapter appears well written, but I am not a native.

Of course I am referring to flow and pace, about grammar and spelling I don't dare to judge. Surely nothing so blatant to be spotted by a non English reader.

The beginning is good and you surely know how to keep people on tenterhooks. Ok the two little midgets with sharp teeth are goblins, but, what are they looking for? What's exactly the medal/coin (?) in the parcel?

Billy's feelings are related to something about the coin or it is just the very odd situation influencing his mood?

Personal note: I am glad not to find the fed-up-beginning of a bunch of stories I stumbled upon in this site. I.e Hermione & C taking the train to Hogwarts.

The prologue is riveting: tells the reader really nothing, nothing relevant at least, but the reader, at least this read doesn't feel bored, neither hits the back button.
Libbydia chapter 2 . 6/23/2003
Cool so far! Have to stop reading for now...but I'll get back to it later...
sam chapter 10 . 4/4/2003
Just love it, and am waiting waiting waiting for you to write the rest!
Springrain chapter 10 . 2/22/2003
Great story. I can't wait for more.
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