|Reviews for Shining Force: La Batalla de las Dimensiones|
| Martin III chapter 17 . 9/23/2010
I really enjoyed this chapter. A lot of fun stuff happening here.
The appearance by Lucifer, brief though it is, is rather memorable. Your design for his powers is quite distinctive. One thing that I found unclear: "...para sellar sus poderes de su lugar de origen y nunca más salir." Does "sus" mean "his"(Lucifer's) or "their"(the dragons')? The same question for "su". Let me know so I can get it right in the translation.
The bit with the watchmen and Desoul level 2 is funny, especially how you later refer to the end of the old centaur. Very nice black humor.
The hot springs provides a nice dose of light amusement, and you don't go too over-the-top with the jokes.
So Armand is gone already... Can't say that I see him as a major loss, but I had hoped he would do something more interesting before he went. His betrayal is too abrupt and reminiscent of what happened with Hawel.
The whole idea of the dimensional doors is interesting, and I liked the group's interactions with Clione and Rick. A very lighthearted look at the whole situation.
Probably one of the best chapters thus far, and I'm most interested to see how Max and his friends adapt to the real world. Let's see that soon.
| Martin III chapter 9 . 8/24/2010
A decent chapter, though not as enjoyable as most. I think the chief problem is that the action in the chess battle is a little bland and rushed. The chess pieces all go down too quickly.
Armand seems like he might have an interesting role in all this, though I don't like the way he's introduced. He essentially pops out of nowhere, and Max, Milo, and Pyra don't question his coming along with them at all. His last minute victory in the chess battle is interesting, though.
There's not as much humor in this chapter, but I loved Max's line about dominoes. Milo's asking who goes first is amusing as well.
One notable typo: "Milo y Pira", by which I assume you meant "Milo y Pyra".
Simone's story still serves as a nice break from Max, Pyra, and Milo's adventure, but the battles with Iom and Zeon aren't quite as interesting; the heroes' victories seem more a matter of contrivance than skill and ingenuity. Overall not one of the best chapters, but entertaining enough. I hope to find time to read the next one soon.
| Martin III chapter 8 . 6/19/2010
Can't deny that I'm pleased that you're proceeding with the ongoing adventures of Max, Pyra, and Milo first. All of the scenarios of this fic are quite solid so far, but you do especially well with that trio.
The plot is progressing pretty well, with plenty of unexpected turns. What happened with Hawel in Buenaventura 2 is pretty weird, though, and hard to make sense of. At the least, though, the plot of this story is not at all predictable. Max acquiring magic is an intriguing twist.
My enjoyment of the humor, on the other hand, is pretty much unqualified. The only problem there is that I don't understand the "Troyano" reference. Anyway, plenty of great banter between the characters. Max, Pyra, Milo, and Hawel's reactions to seeing Domingo for the first time are hilarious, especially Milo's undisguised disgust. Max and Hawel's "conversation" about Dragonia gave me a good giggle, too. Penn, Pennko, Kiwi, and Domingo, in turn, manage to be delightfully cute without ever saying a word.
Lots of typos in these two chapters, many involving the absence of an accent mark, which makes me suspect that some of the errors occurred during uploading. For instance, you have "hamster", "entro", and on several occasions "que" instead of "qué". Other typos: "enfurezida" instead of "enfurecida", "labernindo" instead of "laberinto", "quize" instead of "quise", and "sacrificion". Also, at the beginning on Buenaventura #1, shouldn't the three Sabios be saying "Hemos aquí", not "He aquí"?
The bits with Simone are a good addition. You capture her mannerisms well, and the little stories she tells are interesting. They have the distinct ring of medieval legends and fables to them.
| Martin III chapter 11 . 5/31/2010
Another good continuation for the most part, though I don't think that the classes and spells sections were necessary. You have some good build-up by bringing all four legendary heroes together. The four of them are all well-characterized, and more pleasingly, they make great foils for each other. It's amazing how much characterization (and humor) you manage to fit into that first scene with all of them.
Good little intro for Bong... is he Gong? Anyways, great stuff as usual with Pyra, Max, and Milo, particularly the part where Penn and the gang give Pyra the egg. Very interesting turn of events. This story really keeps me guessing where things are going.
Some more typos I found: "desrrumbada" instead of "derrumbada", "normbre" instead of "nombre", and I don't know what you meant by "digo una guardia."
Anyway, not much more to say. A lot of solid quickie scenes here, and as for the last scene... Yeah, very pleased to see that Shining Soul II has finally made an appearance on FF dot net!
So, once again this fic is progressing nicely. I hope to have the translation for these chapters up soon.
| Martin III chapter 6 . 4/27/2010
The opening scene of "Objetos del Caos" is pretty stunning. I like your take on what would happen if one person wore BOTH Twin Dragon Rings, and you do well to avoid explaining to the reader exactly what's happening. The action between Higgins, Chester, and the angel is an unusual action scene, and that makes it a memorable one. The death of Chester is ingeniously brutal; it really takes you off guard.
Funny little scene between Kiwi and the penguins - oddly enough, though there are few words, I can picture it all very well. Good little scene with Pyra, Milo, and Max, too. I like that little trio. And a good wrap up the chapter; you really do well with those snapshot scenes.
The scene in Cypress is pretty good, though I'm naturally upset that you already killed off Nick(though of course he's not the same Nick from the games). The strongest point here is Jordano and Tiida. Their relationship, with its peculiar mix of rivalry, circumstantial alliance, and trepidation, is distinctly amusing.
Your introduction to the real world is fun too. I like how quickly you establish the characters.
Again I found a number of typos: "atravezado" instead of atravesado, "Pen" instead of Penn, "consquistar", instead of conquistar, "obtubo" instead of obtuvo, and "si es tán"(si están, I assume). Also, I can't understand "No pudieron conmigo". If that isn't an error, can you explain what it means? And if it is an error, please tell me what you meant to write so that I can translate it properly in my translation.
Overall a pretty good pair of chapters. This story really seems to be living up to its early promise.
| Martin III chapter 4 . 3/19/2010
Well, as someone else on the SFC forums said, I generally don't care for these alternate universe crossovers. The big problem with them is that in essence they don't have much to do with the source material at all. Still, it is nice to finally see a fanfic that at least acknowledges Shining Force Feather. I'd write a fic for it myself, but since I can't read Japanese...
Anyway, one particular problem with the writing is the odd symbols, such as "**". I can read all the Spanish, but those I can't make much sense of.
Mainly, though, this is a very breezy read. You manage to cover all the essentials of each scene in just a few words, then quickly move on to the next one. Together with the dramatic relationships between the sets of characters(Milo's taunting Pyra, Penn and Penko's parallel reactions, Lilith's mother/daughter relationship with Cocot, etc.), this allows you to balance a huge set of characters and settings without making the story confusing or unwieldy. You kick off the action right away too, even if the descriptions of the fight scenes are rather flat. It's nice to read a fast-paced adventure fic that still manages to have solid characters.
I noticed several typos: "exapndirse" (shouldn't that be "expandirse"?), "No quiero peliar" (should be "pelear", no?), "inconcientes" (I think you meant "inconscientes"), and "tengro hambre".
So, something of a mess in terms of the writing, but a very exciting story that I will certainly continue to follow.