Reviews for travisx shinobus first date
CadenGallic chapter 1 . 12/16/2011
Taking that this is your first fanfic into account, here's some pointers.

1. Capital letters at the start of sentances and for company names such as "Pizza Batt." Also, some characters names need capitals too.

2. Proof read your chapters before you put them up and fix grammatical errors such as "fucken" and "Soe."

3. New line for a new speaker. Cluttering speech together makes it unclear who's talking.

4. Stick to canon as much as possible, please. For example, Harvey coming out of nowhere and then switching to Henry. Last i checked, Harvey has no relation to Travis or Henry so this last section makes no sense.

5. Typing in bold is usually very unecersary unless you want to get a point across, and even then you shouldn't need to use bold. You do this ok in Chapter five, using it to seperate the flashbacks, but in chapter 2 when its all in bold...ugh

6. Having characters shount in capitals or typing capitals randomly. Please. PLEASE. Do not do this. Exclamation marks at the end of dialgoue should be enough to get across the idea they're shouting. Typing in capitals is just unecersary.

7. And finnaly, there's a lot of random unrelated stuff going on. For example, Big the Cat's sudden appearence in chapter 5, and there being a good and bad version of a cat. Unecersary and pointless. Please do not do this.

Ok i know i went very critical, but its best you learn this now so you can improve in the future. The above problems can be easily fixed so please take note. I also realise this may be pointless since you haven't written for a while, but should you ever see this, take note if you wish to continue writing. Thanks for reading.

CG
Andy Chu chapter 5 . 12/24/2010
Liked most of the chapters you've put up here, I laughed when you kept on calling Henry Harvey, even though it was somewhat wrong. I JUSTED finished NMH 2 on bitter for the first time haha (the game has been out for a century really, I'm totally late, but it was so good).

One note, be sure to reread what you've wrote, since in some cases i can't imagine what you meant in one sentence. You the author are the only one responsible for letting us know how this story goes _
lordofoneword chapter 5 . 4/14/2010
SLAM! [Henry bursts in] That is one thing I would pay to see!

Sorry, but I'm not up to Alice Moonlight yet. I'm up to rank 3.
Zenny-DoLL chapter 5 . 3/23/2010
xD! The "that's what she said" ALWAYS gets me!

This story keeps getting better with every chapter! I love how you also throw in random characters from other series, it really adds to the humor. Can't wait to see what goes on next with Shinobu and Travis! :3
Zenny-DoLL chapter 4 . 2/27/2010
Haha, great update! Seems like things are starting to get a little out of hand. xD I was cracking up so bad at the bit with Henry and Luigi! Can't wait for more!
Zenny-DoLL chapter 3 . 2/20/2010
Haha, this is a great story, love the humor. I'm really enjoying it so far, I hope you'll continue writing this. All you need to do is work on your spelling and grammar, everything else looks wonderful. Keep it up!
jentheskatingfreak chapter 2 . 2/14/2010
Well I'm certainly impressed. Never knew you could write like this mate. Very good job.

I do hope you continue this stream of writing, and I'll keep reading and complimenting.
linksgirlfreand chapter 2 . 2/14/2010
wow i can't wait 4 the next chapter
Lanydx chapter 2 . 2/14/2010
Very good.
jeanthecat chapter 1 . 2/13/2010
cool! i like it so far! Just work on your spelling and all but I want to read more of it. Keep writing! :D
Killer7Queen chapter 1 . 2/13/2010
It's a nice little start for a simple story. It does need another going proof-read to fix some corrections, but a pretty good start. I hope to read more. _
Miss Peacock chapter 1 . 2/13/2010
Pip pip cheerio mate! Your story is a right bit off. Surely you understand that you must work on your spelling and grammar.. and your sense of perversion. You make Travis like a very lascivious man.. which according to my knowledge of all things No More Heroes, he is not. Therefore I can see you must pay a right bit more attention to your games of the videos whilst you play them.

However, since you have asked us to be kind and gentle, I will give you a cookie and a gold star for your efforts.
Supermonkeyballs chapter 1 . 2/13/2010
Pip pip cheerio mate! Your story is a right bit off. Surely you understand that you must work on your spelling and grammar.. and your sense of perversion. You make Travis like a very lascivious man.. which according to my knowledge of all things No More Heroes, he is not. Therefore I can see you must pay a right bit more attention to your games of the videos whilst you play them.

However, since you have asked us to be kind and gentle, I will give you a cookie and a gold star for your efforts.