The interlude with Professor Oak and Tracey was cool. I liked Oak’s dumbfounded reaction to Ash now having a legendary on his team. For future chapters it might be interesting to see interludes with Oak researching the mythology and lore surrounding the latis as he tries to learn more about them.

Latias’s reaction to all the new sights in the forest was really cute. Her mischievous behavior reminds me a lot of how a human child would probably act. It’s interesting to imagine a creature such as a divine dragon having such an innocent and child-like personality when the usual archetypes regarding such creatures usually portray them as stoic and otherworldly. Your approach to writing legendaries is an interesting one. You portray them as gods but you also have them behave like normal people, they’re alien and difficult to comprehend but they still come off as approachable. Personally I think it’s a unique way to write about these creatures and I look forward to seeing where you go with it.

The references to both previous encounters that the group has had with the lugias, the 2nd movie and the Whirl Islands episodes, were fun to read and further cements Ash’s unusual affinity when it comes to encountering legendary pokemon. I’m curious to see whether you’ll include some kind of explanation in your story as to why Ash encounters these beings on such a frequent basis. The anime certainly doesn’t provide any real reason as to why this seemingly random 10 year old kid keeps getting himself into situations involving world-ending threats and god-like creatures other than just…he’s the protagonist; the anime is kind of dumb like that.

One suggestion I would make for this chapter would be to devote more detail to the twins’ introduction to the rest of Ash’s pokemon. You kind of gloss over the meeting and besides Bayleef you don’t mention who Ash’s other pokemon are. I haven’t seen the Johto anime in a long time and so I barely remember what pokemon Ash had on him at the time. Plus it would be cool to see the latis socializing with the rest of Ash’s team and how all their personalities interact.

I enjoyed reading Latios’s rather deadpan criticism of Ash using the pokedex on him. With him being so withdrawn and naturally suspicious of most people it makes sense for him to dislike the idea of some human device that knows his personal information. I think it would be fun to see more of Latios’s reactions to various aspects of a trainer’s life such as pokeball storage, battling, and the idea of capturing other pokemon. Given his rather hostile demeanor towards humans in general it would be interesting to see how he reacts to witnessing these things first hand. Maybe we’ll see him start to disagree with the idea of pokemon battles for sport and Ash has to explain to him why these things are ok.

Brock’s training regimen for the twins is another good example of worldbuilding with him explaining the finer points of how to properly train a psychic-type pokemon. I also like how it makes him a bigger part of the story by having him help Ash with training his pokemon. Another criticism I have of the anime is that neither Brock nor Misty’s backgrounds as gym leaders ever seemed to play a major role in the narrative; I appreciate that you correct this in your story.

I can’t say I completely agree with how you portray Ash as being ignorant when it comes to preparing for major fights like a gym battle. While the anime loves to play around with Ash’s competency levels I think it would make the most sense to write him as having at least a decent understanding of basic battle strategies at this point. It made sense for Kanto Ash to be inexperienced but now that we’re mid-Johto he should know about all the pokemon types by now, and that dragons in particular are creatures that require a good deal of preparation and pre-planned strategies.

And of course this wouldn’t be a proper adaptation of Ash’s adventures without including the 3 stooges! Oh boy, I can’t wait to see them show up and try to catch Pikachu in every…single…episode. I wonder if Ash and the gang will fall for all of their comical disguises like they do in the show.

Honestly, I feel that Annie and Oakley escaping during a prison transfer and killing a bunch of cops could probably be a whole chapter in and of itself. They are major antagonists after all and devoting a whole chapter to them and seeing firsthand how cruel, methodical, and intelligent they are would be pretty cool! Also, I really want to see a gunfight with a squadron of Jenny clones and growlithes, that would be sick!

There were definitely some very interesting things revealed in this chapter, particularly information regarding the twins and their relationship with each other as well as Alto Mare and the soul dew. I gotta say, something about the entire situation seems kind of off. So, from what Latios says during his argument with Latias over whether they should leave the city, I garner that they have both been raised to believe that the purpose of their existence is to act as sentinels for this city and for the soul dew within the garden. It isn’t clear who it was that instilled this belief in the siblings since their father is dead, their mother has been absent from their lives for some unknown reason, and their human caretakers certainly don’t treat them as if they’re nothing but glorified guard dogs, so it must have been another legendary or a group of legendaries that told them that this was their purpose: to stay on this one island and do nothing but ‘guard’ this soul gem while also not undergoing any proper combat training or having access to even the most basic of psychic or draconic powers, for almost a whole century.

Something is very wrong about this as it just makes the legendaries seem either incompetent or downright malicious in how they’ve treated the twins by denying them proper training and protection, essentially feeding them to the wolves by telling them to protect the physical embodiment of their father’s soul from every scumbag human who tries to go after both it and them. If Latios’s disdain of humanity is anything to go by, Annie and Oakley were not the first lowlifes that they’ve had to deal with and it definitely begs the question of why the legendaries wouldn’t try to provide them with SOME kind of security.

I apologize for the little rant I did in the above paragraphs, It’s an awesome story but I do feel that these are issues that should be addressed somewhere down the line. Anyway, moving on I have to say that I thought the conversation between the latis and their father was beautifully written. It was a very emotional and heavy scene with how both siblings were tearing up and how their father told them how much he loved them and that he had always cared for them, apologizing for not being able to be there for them when they needed him the most. I particularly like how you wrote Latios’s reaction to his father’s words, especially since he was the most hesitant to leave and I think it’s because he was terrified of going against the orders of the other legendaries and because he found the idea of abandoning his father to be abhorrent.

Of course, I think that deep down Latios wanted to leave with Ash almost as much as his sister but he was simply too devoted and loyal to the way of life that they had both lived for the past century to actually go through with it. Hearing his father tell him that it’s ok and that he will be fine by himself and that the two of them deserve the opportunity to explore the outside world and to discover and enjoy all of the mysteries that life has to offer, I think, was a major moment of vindication for the twins; a relieving of the great burden that they had been forced to live with for their whole lives up until this point. That was a really good scene, and I think you absolutely nailed it.

I enjoy the detail that you add in regards to character backgrounds such as Latias having a painting hobby and that she actually makes money from Bianca selling the paintings that she makes. Stuff like that makes the characters seem more real, like they have actual lives outside of the main narrative that they’re participating in.

In regards to the twins explaining their reasons for wanting to leave Alto mare to the group, I do feel that they should have said something about their father contacting them directly and giving them his blessing as I think that would have had a more reassuring effect on Bianca and Lorenzo. Ash’s exuberant reaction to being Latios’s trainer was definitely very Ash. I always liked how Ash tends to gain pokemon companions more through their own voluntary decision to join instead of the usual trainer method of beating them unconscious and then capturing them in a pokeball. It’s Ash’s compassionate nature and his willingness to put the lives of others before himself that makes him such an endearing protagonist, not his raw physical power. That is an aspect of Ash’s character that a lot of fanfic writers seem to miss and I am glad you got that aspect of his character down.

And so the chapter ends with the group departing Alto Mare and setting out into the unknown. With Ash and the twins now on a journey to discover both the great wonders of the world as well as the greatness that can be found within themselves. It is a journey that I look forward to reading more about and one that I hope you find happiness in writing!

So, moving on to chapter 2, one minor criticism that I have is with how the public’s reaction to the incident comes off as a bit downplayed. While you do write that the events drew a lot of public attention I feel like you could devote a few paragraphs to giving some details to the citizens’ reactions. Maybe you could talk about how the spectacle of 2 Team Rocket operatives being arrested in a small island town after attempting to activate a mysterious ancient machine led to mass speculations from people and the media about the significance of this seemingly innocuous island and why a notorious international terrorist organization would send people there.

Alto Mare’s Nurse Joy being aware of the twins’ existence is an interesting fact. I would kind of like to know how that happened. Like I said in the last review, it would be really cool to know more about the latis’ overall interactions with the people and pokemon of Alto Mare and how they came to garner a reputation as ‘guardian deities’.

I like how you wrote about Latias discovering her newfound abilities. It was nice seeing her happy at unlocking more of her potential as a psychic. It is tragic to think of how abilities that probably come naturally to most psychic pokemon in this world have been inaccessible to the latis for the whole century that they have been alive up until now. It would be like a human spending most of their life being deaf only to suddenly be able to hear for the first time. I can only imagine how incredible something like that would feel.

The interactions between Latias, Bianca, and Latios are really cute. I once again commend you for writing these characters in a way that stays true to their anime counterparts. Latias is the more affectionate and compassionate of the eon duo and you did a good job of showing that. I like how Latios is also shown to be kind and caring towards his sister and his closest friends albeit with a rougher exterior that only those who are close to him can see past.

I have to say that Pikachu and Ash’s reaction to Ash suddenly understanding pokespeech is pretty hilarious in how nonchalantly they both take it; not to mention how casual Ash is about almost getting killed again. Like this isn’t even the most bizarre thing that’s happened to them on their journey together.

One interesting idea that I’d like to suggest for that side story compilation you’ve talked about making would be a chapter that focuses on what Pikachu, Brock, Misty, Bianca, and Lorenzo did during the 5 days that Ash and the twins were unconscious. It would be a good opportunity to get inside the heads of these other characters and to write about their personal thoughts regarding their relationship with Ash, the journey that they’ve been on alongside him, and the many dangers that they’ve had to face in the past while having to deal with the fallout of yet another one of Ash’s near-death experiences.

Ash’s physical and mental changes are certainly a fascinating detail. It’s almost as if he has become more like a pokemon by infusing himself with the latis’ soul energy. I’m curious if the latis were similarly changed in some way that makes them more human-like, as if traits were exchanged between them and Ash. Maybe their newly formed spirit bond with Ash has something to do with their unlocked powers.

so not gonna lie, i thought delia might have given ash the talk off screen, and then put a pack of condoms or something in his backpack, lol

so does this mean mr mime (mimey) wants to fuck delia!? can't really blame him if that is the case, she is a MILF.

i wonder how gary would have taken it if he knew that pikachu was shocking latios for insenuating that his, gary's, umbreon wanted to mate with pikachu? lol

okay ash, while being dumb, can be excused for the golden pidgey because he is a child, james however is a fucking moron, lol

gotta say, really shipping ash with a lot of different people right now, lol

tbh i think hoenn is actually about equal to johto

hm favorite legendaries? i have to many, mine are

lugia
ho-oh
mewtwo
rayquaza
suicune
latias/latios (essentially they are the same pokemon, so i count them as one)
dialga
giratina
moltres
articuno
mew
kyogre
groudon
darkrai
reshiram
zekrom
virizion
keldeo
yveltal
xerneas
solgaleo
lunala
tapu fini
tapu lele
i kind of like the look of zacian, lol

ultra beasts...

i guess naganadel?

maybe pheromosa

necrozma?

okay this prison ball sounds kind of dumb, basically it makes it to where team rocket will succeed, yeah no, not really funny or interesting, actually its kind of horrible, a legendary pokemon is going to be screwed and no one will be able to help it or save it.

ash catching ho-oh would have been awesome, lol

how was jon's team better balanced than ash's? ash losing to jon's togetice was kind of bullshit, tbh

you mentioned fairy types here

isn't togetic a fairy type?

ash lost to a weakened togetic? lame and pathetic to be honest

blast burn would have been better than overheat.

eh to be honest the team brock assembled isn't really the best one, i mean for starters

bulbasaur or kingler would be good,

bulbasaur is supereffective against tyranitar, resists ampharos while being neutral on it, neutral to steelix, neutral to togetic (i think), supereffective against feraligatr, and would have trouble against rapidash.

kingler is similar, advantage against tyranitar, and rapidash, neutral to steelix, togetic, not effective against feraligatr, and weak to ampharos.

muk would have been decent against rapidash, feraligatr, ampharos, and super effective against togetic.

he could have tried to get ahold of anthony and seen about getting primeape back for the league, and then sending him back when the battles were over?

noctowl though is a bad choice, because steelix, tyranitar, and ampharos will body that bird.

anyways, once again, just my thoughts, lol

so two things i want to say here,

1.) the referee was about to declare harrison the winner. How? Salamence wasn't up, and by their own words, the trainer who's pokemon was up first, was the winner, neither Salamence nor Latios was up yet. Latios is the only one who even got up all the way, wasn't he?

2.) while it is fair and valid, i feel using shedninja is kind of cheap and cowardly. Yea, Latios may be a legendary, but at least it can still be beat, there are many trainers who wouldn't even know what a Shedninja is, let alone know about wonderguard or how to counter a Shedninja. If it had been a Sabeleye, or Dusclops or even Dusknoir, i wouldn't be saying as much.

don't get me wrong i like the fic, i think it is interesting, just my thoughts on it, you know?

misty does have a point, but does she have to be such a bitch?

the alakazam wouldn't really have been much of an issue, the umbreon is what would have fucked latios over, lol

i cant help but feel like ash's pokemon all got nerfed quite a bit here, just to boost the strength of latios.

while latios helping could be frowned upon, there is nothing that says he can't do it, plus brock and misty pretty much coached ash through every battle he has had, and there are plenty of other trainers with psychic type pokemon, so i doubt latios is the only one who could or would read an opponents mind