|Reviews for Seriously?|
| CreativeKiss chapter 1 . 3/11/2010
This was interesting. It was short and a bit choppy, but for a purely humorous piece that decision was a fitting one. I think you captured Li's bashful personality in a good way, making him clumsy and simple just as he's represented in an anime, so great job keeping him in character. And Mao is always Li's foolish companion when it comes to goofs like this, so another kudos.
This was also adequately descriptive. It's certainly not a story to describe every bit of present scenery, but what you've done here is perfect for the tone. However, I will say that you really didn't have to break up your paragraphs by sentence that way. Much of these could have been made into fewer paragraphs with multiple, and it might have made the story appear a bit less choppy. It would help organize the ideas that go together, the actions performed sequentially but the same person, and things of that nature. The way you've arranged it is okay for this story, but for anything much longer, I wouldn't really advise this formatting.
On another note, the ending kind of made me sad. It was still funny, but personally I wasn't expecting that to happen. It was also original, and I think it achieved the effect you were hoping for :)
Great job. I really enjoyed this piece.
| Dear4Life chapter 1 . 2/21/2010
Poor Mao. Love Hei dangling him over the intersection.