|Reviews for My Life|
| Cappunan chapter 1 . 7/8/2010
PLEASE READ THIS.
1) This is not a Life fanfiction. Life is a manga/T.V. drama. You said there were Naruto characters in it, and apparently it takes place in the Naruto realm (I guess, I'm having trouble following whats going on.) So go submit it in that category.
2) I actually read the story because I figured if I was going to tell you that, I should probably read it.
Are these characters Japanese or Caucasian? You can't just give them American names without explaining their ethnicity.
3)...What the heck is this about? I'm so confused. What's the point of this story? Just "Butterfly" and Nick getting married? I was waiting for some subsistence, and I guess it's the whole "Oh no Blaze is missing," thing, but honestly it's just very oddly written. Blaze's and "Butterfly"'s (the name name Butterfly is really mary-sue ish.) relationship is really creepy. He's apparently her dad, but they treat each other like lovers. It's really quite odd. Blaze is there for everything. I'm surprised he wasn't spying on them while Nick and Butterfly were having sex in the next room.
4) There's no need to write who's POV it is for everything, since you're not writing it in first person. And your grammar- I'm not sure if you know how to properly make paragraphing and dialogue, so you should get a beta to fix all this stuff for you. And honestly, "I made this face 'ewe'"? What? Do you honestly expect every single reader to know what you're talking about? I did, but I had to read that over twice.
I'm actually wondering if you're a troll. If not, I can tell you're young, but you have to be told these things to improve. And again, the main point I wanted to make; MOVE THIS TO THE NARUTO SECTION. There's barely any Life fanfictions, and it doesn't need you spamming it with this.