|Reviews for The girl who tamed the great dog demon|
| Teh chapter 1 . 8/1/2010
I just read up to where you left off and I must say that this is the first romance story involving Sesshomaru that I read past the first three paragraphs. Please continue. I want to know how it ends :)
| Vic chapter 11 . 8/1/2010
hey this story is really good! hurry and update!
by the way, why is everything underlined?
| NO chapter 1 . 7/1/2010
You know what happened when I read Miranda's description? This flared into my brain:
"MARY SUE ALERT!"
If you're going to somehow send your character back to feudal Japan, you should probably have the method explained more. Hail doesn't send people through wormholes. Even Kagome had a magic well. You can do better than "oh noez blackout! omg! I'm in JAPAN LOLZ" Also, it seems an incredibly stupid choice not to check the weather before going out on the trail for a camping adventure. It's like going to the beach to surf in monsoon season and cursing the waves when you get pulled under; it's not nature's fault Miranda was too retarded to google weather for the next day.
The horse description is a bad infodump that needs to be taken out. If you must describe her unique and special horse, try to do so with fewer words. We understand that you want to make this little snowflake Miranda the center of attention, but she's already sticking out like a sore thumb and it wouldn't matter if she was riding a purebred Lusitano or an inbred mule. As a foreigner living in Japan, I can fucking testify that Japanese people will act like you are the first foreigner ever to step foot in their country if you walk around town openly during the day. Imagine this x1,000 and you have the feudal era, except people were probably more violent back then.
The language barrier is mysteriously absent, which is another reason why your OC is a Sue. Believability makes a story 10x better than an all-powerful know-it-all who speaks every language known to man and manages to seduce the sexiest character everyone else doesn't understand. Kagome was a Japanese girl so of course she could communicate with other Japanese people. Miranda appears to be a white girl and so far has not been mentioned as having any Japanese skills whatsoever, thus she should not be able to speak to anyone. Automatically ignoring this is asinine. Including this means your OC will have to struggle to make herself and her intentions known positively, and this is only natural since so many people can relate to this, myself included. On the other hand, this is not a green light for using random Japanese words butchered out of context, so DON'T DO IT.
Sesshoumaru appears to be wearing a hakama, not a kimono; his clothing may be based on early hanfu wear from China too. The "boa" is part of his body.
Unless this horse understands human speech in different languages, I'd cut out all the times it 'nickers' whenever someone speaks to it. Animals are capable of showing some concern for their owners, but it goes beyond absurd to have it responding to every word someone issues. It is still an animal and it's concerns only go so far. In fact, it really doesn't even make sense for it to stick around if it is able to smell the demonic presence of Sesshoumaru. Since it's a domesticated riding horse it's not honed to stand it's ground in dangerous situations, and if it was frightened of thunder, I can't imagine how frightened it would be of a feral-smelling creature that it is unfamiliar with.
And really, thanks for butchering the hell out of Sesshoumaru's character. You managed to turn one of the smuggest, coldest demon lords into a quivering puddle of goo over a character that is neither original nor interesting. "Why am I so attracted to you, Miranda?" Oh jeez, I don't know, maybe because you've been written like a bonehead without a trace of your original personality? OCs fuck with canon, sure, but they don't BEND the characters to their iron wills and change who they are. Sesshoumaru is not in love with you or your demented anime version of yourself, no matter how well you magically speak Japanese or how much awesome will you have to stop Naraku. Sesshoumaru's one soft spot is for a little girl that took the initiative to try to help HIM. When he saves Inuyasha's ass do you see him taking credit? No, because that shit is shameful to him. At the most he'll have a grudging respect or acknowledgement for Inuyasha; everyone else is unimportant to him, including his own mother and excluding Rin.
Being nice is against Sesshoumaru's nature. That is why he stomps on everyone else's faces (Jaken's literally) and has saved one human life - Rin's - with Tensaiga. I really don't see any believable scenario for him to be quite as nice to anyone else, especially not strange white girls who fall out of unexplained wormholes.
And you know, really this review isn't meant to totally destroy your writing. My intention isn't to stop you from writing OC stories; I just want you to know how blindingly retarded this one is so you can learn from your mistakes and get better. Trust me, I have written some of the most retarded shit ever, and when I first got an account on ff in 7th grade I thought I was amazing. Thankfully I came to my senses and deleted everything so I could take time to learn how to write good work. It takes time and practice to produce a story worth reading, and few people will give you as honest a critique as I do. To put it simply, fuck those people. Good writers make dumbass mistakes and learn from them. Shitty writers stay where they are forever and plug their ears to block out the critics. This critique is not a personal attack, only a message.
You can do better, so please start trying.
| Vic chapter 10 . 7/1/2010
this story wuz really good! i think ur doing great on how sess and miranda are getting together: not so fast, but not so slow either! keep up the great work!
| Vic chapter 9 . 6/22/2010
omg this story is AWESOME! please update fast fast fast!
| Vic chapter 8 . 6/20/2010
omg please please please please hurry and update! this story is GOOD!
| FanOfAction chapter 8 . 6/17/2010
this story is really good! PLEASE KEEP GOING! I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN!
| FanOfAction chapter 7 . 6/11/2010
this is a really awesome story! keep it up!
| Vic chapter 6 . 6/9/2010
OMG PLEASE HURRY AND KEEP GOING! THIS IS TOO INTENSE!
| Nyght elf chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
you are doing great so keep going, i want to know whats next. and if you are not having many reviws it doesnt mean you need to give up. in first way you are doing for yourself. Do you like to write? Do you like the story? Then go on, I will tell you a secret many of us are curios but not everyone are writing reviw cause they are lazzy but they enjoy the story.
| Reawakened Princess chapter 5 . 6/5/2010
to be completely honest i am enjoying this story. i would like to see what happens next.
| Meriadeth chapter 3 . 6/3/2010
I like this story, please update soon as I would love to see the ending of the story.