Reviews for What Should Have Happened in 'Death is in the Air'
GermanypumpsItaly chapter 6 . 5/2/2013
I really wish this weren't complete yet... love it so much!
CoolNinjaOfDoom chapter 6 . 3/27/2012
Noooooo! Stupid Guster and O'hera! Ahghhhhghhghhhhhhhh

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa hyahhhhhhhhhhh!

Sigh, this was good, but i need more! Chip chop on that Mr Yang presents! : D
Shadowgal ANBU chapter 1 . 8/2/2011
Personally I like the one with him in a towel best.
TheDeathChamber chapter 6 . 12/28/2010
This is totally the way it should have gone!
Umino Akiko chapter 6 . 11/11/2010
*hands an angel some wings* I'm totally not bouncing off the walls. I swear.
Rori Potter chapter 6 . 10/23/2010
Please tell me there is a sequel.
invisalite chapter 6 . 3/21/2010
Ah, what a great ending! Well... kinda. I mean you're probably staying true to the episode by having the ending like this, but in my opinion, there should have been... well, you know. :)

Suggestions:

"Shawn." he said, clearly wanting to either hit the man or hug him.

-Comma, not period.

-I think it should start on a new line? You know, since it's speech and all.

With the pharmaceutical rep, one never could quite tell.

-Wording is a little awkward here. Maybe, "...one could never quite tell."

the Head Psychic for the Santa Barbra Police Department continued

-Isn't it Santa Barbara? Not Santa Barbra? But I don't know. I think it's Barbara...

...And the crazy hippy that lives down the street."

-Seems a little OOC for Lassie. If it were Shawn, then it'd probably be fine. But Lassiter? Pulling it a little here.

O'hara came running in.

-I know we both neglect Jules, but give her some respect! Capitalize that H. :)

"I wasn't."

-I wasn't what?

There were some issues with quotation punctuation and some formatting in this one. If you need to run the draft by someone, feel free to e-mail me. PM if you'd like e-mail.

~invisalite
DisowningThis chapter 1 . 3/17/2010
This time I'm sad they didn't get together xD

Shawn and Juliet are cute and all, and I'll support them in the show, but I'm a sucker for Shassie.

*snaps fingers* Gus, darn you! D:

(I loved it, btw) :D
Cartlin chapter 6 . 3/17/2010
No!
Synnerxx chapter 4 . 3/14/2010
I totally just watched this episode today and had the same idea! But yours is way better than mine, so thank you for writing it! I love it!
run-for-your-life-hikari chapter 5 . 3/14/2010
AWESOME!
heartfallen chapter 5 . 3/14/2010
Great alternate take. I'm looking forward to more
invisalite chapter 5 . 3/12/2010
OMGUH! Thank you for the update, it's almost like a good luck charm BEFORE my SAT tomorrow. :)

I'm sorry for not updating mine. I shall. Soon. When I can. (Close to never).

Things are looking JUST GRAND. Few typos here and there, but that's about it.

And then I'm very biased towards your work now since we are almost like editorpals. :)

Looking forward to the next update.

~invisalite
invisalite chapter 4 . 2/28/2010
Hey!

Thanks for the update! All the stories I have on my alerts haven't updated in the longest forever, and this really made my day. So thanks again!

Suggestions AND COMMENTS!

This was bad. This was very, very bad.

-This line is SO GUS. Good work!

I heard him yell, "Go Jules, run like the wind!" before I took off towards the house, trying to ignore Shawn's extremely girlish screaming.

-I'm not actually sure how to punctuate this. I think it's fine the way it is though... And I think that Juliet would be trying not laugh at the same time.

You're getting really good with characterizations and other things that help establish your ethos. It's really exciting to see this progress as the story goes along! Good work!

~invisalite
LittleSnowPea chapter 1 . 2/24/2010
guh! They *totally* meant for the whole epsiode to be Shassie, starting with the showers.

I LOVE THIS! Forgive me for my total lack of creative awesomeness, it is past my bedtime AND I'm out of pineapple.



so happy
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