|Reviews for Stranger Things|
| Sehkmet chapter 1 . 9/30/2012
post the next chapter! it is a surprisingly good story. good job writing.
| Suteko chapter 1 . 12/1/2010
Nice opening gambit...any more planned?
| wildmageofgalla chapter 1 . 4/22/2010
This is definitely an interesting idea. Do you plan on continuing it?
I've noticed a plethora of grammatical and sometimes spelling errors in your work. These take away from the flow of the piece and can make it hard for the reader to figure out what you are trying to say. The most irritating of these is when you forget quotation marks, because then the reader has to figure out when people are talking and when they aren't. The easiest and best course of action would be to get a beta, who will not only spot these things for you but also help you develop as a writer or point out inconsistencies. Also, I saw what I can only assume were notes to yourself in your work to remind yourself to go back and add things in - those notes need to be erased.
As for the plot, the you have left a real burning problem that needs to be addressed:
(a) When does this take place in the timeline of the SG-1 universe?
(b) Why is Ba'al even on Earth to begin with?
(c) What is his particular problem with the SGC now?
You may be planning on clarifying these things (along with other questions raised within the text of your story), but it would be helpful if you could allude to the answers to these questions early on, so that the reader doesn't stay as lost.
Finally, I noted that while you have given the character Ba'al a new alias, you have neglected to clarify a few things. Does he still have his old host, or did he take a new one for this alias to work better? In trying to hide, why did he move to San Fransisco? (And how in the world did they get to San Fransisco from Old City [which is in Canada] on motorcycles?) What is he doing as his alias? Furthermore, you refer both to the person acting and making decisions and the parasite as "Ba'al", with no distinction. Is Ba'al still in control, or has he broken from type and given control to the host? If it is the host in control, why does he think of himself as Ba'al?
Although this may seem nitpicky, I am only trying to help you write better and make a more cohesive story. I really enjoyed the idea, and hope to see more in the future.
| Marikalay chapter 1 . 4/2/2010
Very nice. I really enjoy your writing style. I do think I should mention to you though, that you occassionaly forget to put the quotations around your dialogue.
I would very much like to keep up with this story, and look forward to your next update.
| J.Stone chapter 1 . 3/23/2010
| dreameralways chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
They could always try to find out what he is wanted for. That could raise the SGC's curiosity, but that would just lead to interesting meeting. And lets face it, Ba'al is manipulative and power hungry. If he's asking for asylum it's only because he needs a vacation or sees an angle he can work. I think Helen would be slightly disturbed seeing the flirty/intimidating fear thing he tries to do with Sam. He says mean, insulting, threatening things and then tries to brush the hair back behind her ear as Sam pulls back like WTF. Their interaction was always so interesting to watch. I wonder if Ba'al would be attracted to Helen as a substitute for Sam with the added bonus that she would take longer to grow old and die.
Very interesting concept and I enjoyed reading it, but be more careful when typing and proofing. Some of your sentences make no sense, like you were going in one direction then started the next sentence without finishing the last or skipped words. Some spelling errors as well.
Still, interesting and I look forward to more.
| elleelle chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
definitely an interesting story!
| Allen Pitt chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
yeah, with the name & rank they should be able to track down Carter-and the question of why she & Magnus resemble each other so closely is even more interesting than the whole Baal thing, really.
If I had to guess: Magnus had 2 daughters, not one. And put one up for adoption or 'lost' one somehow... or she's related to her distantly. Though I suppose Asgard cloning by Loki is always possible...
Surely Baal would have kept a hand device at the least?
| melissaadams22 chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
GREAT, FANTASTIC, WONDERFUL, TERRIFIC! This is a great piece of work, very nicely done and I really did enjoy it immensely. Keep up the GREAT work.