|Reviews for My Enlightening Visit Home, My Lady Reimu|
| TakerFoxx chapter 3 . 11/1/2010
Hey, better late then never.
Okay, the material you guys sent me helped a lot. Still got lost at times, but it wasn't too big of a problem.
Anyway, the narration is, for the most part, pretty good. You took the time to actually show us what we were seeing instead of just telling, which is a definite plus. I especially liked the detail put into the Rika vs. Dark Rika fight, as well of the descriptions of the post-apocalyptic landscape.
Still, I did come across a few grammatical errors and awkward sentences. I know I get criticized for this a lot in my own story, but it's still something everyone should watch out for. And there's one thing I kept noticing: the whole bit of not capitalizing the first letter of a line of dialogue when it's preceded by an introductory action sentence (Ex: "Rika said, 'something, something, something'" as opposed to 'Rika said, "Something, something, something'"). Since it's consistent throughout the story, I suppose I could just chalk it up to a stylistic choice (after all, Cormac McCarthy never used quotation marks), but the grammar nazi in me was still crying foul. I know it's a nitpick, but I'm an English major who was raised by an English teacher, I can't turn it off!
Also, there's the problem of there being no marks to distinguish scene transitions. My guess is that they were there, but got deleted by . If so, then you might want to go back and add those little line things.
The emotion in the dramatic parts was also handled pretty well. I especially liked the interactions between Rika and VIVIT in chapter three. Still, I did quirk an eyebrow at some of the sillier scenes, especially in the first chapter. It was a bit disconcerting to see those girls, who seem to be trained members of VIVIT's...militaristic something-or-another giggling, blushing and generally acting like schoolgirls. Not saying veterans can't have their lighter moments, but the way they were portrayed reminded me of those hyper background girls that you always see in highschool comedy animes.
Finally, we come to the character of Rika herself. I realize that I have only read two stories involving her and only got her history through Willie's cliffnotes, and I realize that this is a common complaint against all OC's, but just from what I've seen she's got a noticeable amount of Mary Sue traits. You've got the whole last survivor of an ancient line thing, a tendency to be better at things than people, and she even sprouts wings at the end. Fortunately she's still an intersting character and still loses fights, but it's still something to look out for.
So there's a lot of potential here, but still some rough spots that need to be smoothed over. Keep writing and improving your skills. And above all, always remember to have fun! :)
| Touhou-rin chapter 3 . 2/25/2010
this story is both sad and happy,it tells many things about Rika that should make people just love her more
in fact,I was waiting for a story just like this in the Sukima fics about her,but I guess I got the main dish right in front of me.
so about the story?its just full of Greatness,lots of Emotions,and lots of Ideals,something that people miss these it tells more about the OC,giving it more,color and more life,but for me though,this goes beyond it,and brings in more then just colors,they bring the life to it,in more ways then one
and yes,I read most of your Sukima storys,and Iam getting Excited just thinking about your next one,since you mantioned it here
all and all,this story is worth every second I spent on reading it,a truly good story,and truly Great Character(OC),and a truly great Chain of connection to both this and the Sukima story's
I only wish you good luck on your next works,and I will be one to wait for your next works because they inspire many others to work more of Touhou fics
| overdrive chapter 3 . 2/25/2010
this story basically moved me to tears,Rika suffered so much from this,and she just learned about her family,I was honestly pulled to her story from the very beginning,to the very end of Chapter 3.
its really rare to see good Touhou fics,or even Touhou fics even,but this one here was a golden Choice,along with the huge serious of the Sukima story's
I look forward to the upcoming Sukima fic,i know just from reading this story,that it will be a great one,and that I hope it attracts as much attention as the whole Touhou fanfom
you have my full support,and I give this story a total of 9/10
| Touhou famcom chapter 3 . 2/25/2010
I was wandering about Rika and I was clearly waiting from some info on her,but it seems I got more then what I wanted,and got a full story related to just her
I felt quite happy reading this Chapter,and I must stay it Touched my heart so much,also,I like Rikas physical Changes
looking forward for the next sukima to start,and more of Sukima cast,and Iam getting a hunch here,but maybe there will be more Rika in the this new one,nevertheless,I loved this story from the bottem of my heart,and looking forward to what the next Sukima might have in store.
keep up the good work,and know that Iam a full supporter of all your works related to the Sukima world :)
| PMiller1 chapter 3 . 2/25/2010
I got ask you ack you something, If this the same Rika from Touhou: The Story of Eastern Wonderland?
Or an OC?