|Reviews for Halo|
| Purple Rookie chapter 1 . 2/21/2010
Okay- this needs work. SERIOUS work.
First off- the plot line of this is plaigirized from the Halo: Legends episode The Babysitter on Xbox Live. Don't steal plots- unoriginal story points are generally not well received. Not only that, it's practically firing a signal flare with the message: 'I can't think of an idea myself'. Please come up with your own plot.
Second- work on your punctuation, spelling and capitalization. I'll just provide two examples. (1)'Spartans' is always written capitalized, because that's the name for the group- they are Spartans. (2) It's spelled 'somersaults', not 'summersaults'. I'll leave the rest for you to find.
Third- characterization is very poor. All you do is list events, and that gives us no insight into the characters themselves- they're not memorable. Please work on that.
And here's the real kicker- you say that a Flood form came out an attacked Marcus, but the Spartan 'caught the gravity hammer', but you never said WHAT it attacked Marcus with. To exacerbate the problem, you change later on and say it was a Brutal Elite (no such thing). So which is it, really?
Fifth: you inserted Halsey in the middle of a battle without any prior introduction- is the audience really supposed to believe that she just went -poof- and appeared? And you say Elizabeth was strapped to a table. They're in a battle- WHERE would you find a table?
Sixth- you change her Spartan designation from S-302 to S-1214 seemingly on a whim- KEEP IT CONSISTENT. Which of the two numbers is it?
And to finish off- the plot jumps around from point to point, and therefore doesn't really make sense. Example: The trainees wanted to talk to the ODSTs, and suddenly we jump to Marcus complaining about someone taking his spot as sniper when NOTHING has been said about it except a SINGLE mention of backup?
The bottom line- no, plain and simple. Please, I ask of you- either rewrite this or just delete it, because the quality of this is not commendable in any way, shape or form. My apologies for being blunt.
| McCarver chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
Not very original and kind of sloppy. Work harder on the next story.