|Reviews for Friend of the Tokkei|
| lolita chapter 4 . 8/9/2010
Hi! I love dolls! and This chapter is one of my favorite! can you continue please? i can't wait for the rest!
| Ocean Starfly chapter 3 . 4/5/2010
This looks interesting. However, I think you need more description and stuff in your writing, and better flow. If you make an OC centric fanfic then it needs to be really well written or it won't attract a lot of readers; though that's not really important, as long as you enjoy writing it.
Try using some of that fun English stuff like imagery and metaphors. It'll add a lot more interest. A little more depth could also be used.
Also, the story seems to jump around a lot, it needs a more consistent and definite plot line.
Well, I'll keep watching, I hope you writing improves. Keep working hard. Oh, and I commend you on using the full name of the Tokkei. I think only one other writer, if any, has used it. It's so long! Ganbatte (do your best)! And God bless. )