|Reviews for Mobile Suit Gundam Alpha|
| Uros Osium Tokker chapter 8 . 1/19
I have to say that I am enjoying this story greatly. I have enjoyed the more modern (so to speak) approach: More 'humanoid' and less blocky mechs (Well, okay, Mobile Suits), no whiny little fu... kid at the helm of the damn BFR, more detail to many of the individuals, as well as more sense in decision making (Zealots are exempt of this trait of course) and a good reason for Zeonites to feel like they owe some reprisal to people that basically hated their guts because something their forefathers did. I do enjoy the battles and the detail, as well as the changes in perspective to show a bit of everything, it is quite entertaining both inside and outside of combat. Overall I have to say that I have enjoyed this story to this point and I will probably enjoy it for as long as you keep writing, more so with how I like long stories/chapters (I can't help it! I dislike less than 5k words per chapter almost as a rule).
My only pet peeve? So much talk of God.
I do not mean to say I dislike it mind you, I am quite open when it comes to one's beliefs, I am simply someone that is not religious and get drilled in a daily basis by part of my family. I do enjoy some of the examples, but others make me roll my eyes because of the aforementioned reason. I assure you that I keep enjoying the story, and I do think that those beliefs, as well as many others, could have survived for so long (and more) with little to no change. It does give the story a nice way to put some things in another perspective, as well as to give certain examples so that, in this chapter, Amuro can understand a few things about his gift as Newtype. Could this be explained in other ways or with other examples? Yea, probably. Will I stop reading the story because of these parts? Of course not, but they will be the parts that I will enjoy a bit less.
TL;DR: I like, but you can't please everyone in every way.
Now onto other things, such as Gundam (The series) itself.
I enjoyed the first Gundam when I was a kid, in fact it was one of the three animes I saw when I was young (Born in 1988, I saw Dragon Ball, Oliver & Benji (Captain Tsubasa) and Gundam when I was around 6 or 7), and boy did that get me hooked to robots. It helped me enjoy Mechwarrior, Macross, Megaman and quite a few other things... But it also made me hate the usual 'Young kid gets into trouble and saves the world' the same as Dragon Ball made me hate 'I am so powerful that my farts break the world!'. I suppose they got me tired as far as those things go, and when I tries to watch Gundam (ALL of it) when I grew up... I just couldn't stop my eye from twitching at some of the things I saw. I just couldn't watch some of the series whole, I just couldn't.
In this story we do have people that are more age appropriate, with at least decent reasons as far as doubts or complains, as well as hate, go. Amuro was a test pilot, basically forced by his father ('encouraged' if you prefer) in fact, not by his own personal choice. Hayato is angry at someone he thinks is an upstart that just has the right machine and is showing of just because of that (Plus he thinks that Amuro is responsible of his friend's death). Bright does have his bearings together most the time, and when he needs someone he DOES have two competent people to talk to... The list goes on but this was also hinted up there where it says I like the characters as they are depicted in this story.
On that note we also see that someone as powerful as Sayla does have respect, and a bit of fear, of Sleggar. Not fear in the sense, but fear because he COULD beat her (Or kill her) if she crosses the line she auto imposed herself, the one of not dragging anyone down her path of vengeance. In that regard I have to give a few claps, because the series did make me think that being a Newtype (Or whatever else appeared afterwards) just made you invincible... or horribly idiotic in some cases. At least we know, or at least I think it is hinted in here, that being on the same level of skill means that being a Newtype, and probably an augmented human, only gives an advantage, not a sure chance to win.
As for the direction of the story?
I'll be honest and say that I like the changes, not only to flesh out the characters and other things (Such as technology and the like), but the changes in the story too, though more will appear as time goes I am sure. On that note I have m say that I always enjoyed the notion of Ghiren's Greed (Playstation, the original game) that made it POSIBLE for Garma and Dozle to break from their brother's empire and create Neo Zeon.
If Garma has a little secret love with Icelina, and if she is a 'lowborn', there could be a chance at redemption for him in the eyes of Char... More so in this case where it is obvious that Ghiren is going mad, more so to his own family. Maybe he confides in Char before the battle because he thinks his good friend could give him some advice, maybe he finally recognizes Sayla, or maybe, JUST maybe, Char and Sayla have a little discussion during their little 'confrontation' and they see it more cruel to keep Ghiren's family alive but ensure they betray him in the end.
Personally I thought that Garma and Dozle could've been very decent characters if we knew more about them and they didn't have their brother's influence (Their sister however... I have doubts). Just saying because we do not have colonies dropping in this story, we have PLANET WRECKING, if my OWN FAMILY was ordering that, I would be just SLIGHTLY worried about what the hell is going through their minds. And, once again, what could be more cruel to a man that believes himself a god than to force him to see how everyone abandons him, even his own family? He would not care about anyone's death, he is showing it, and revenge is a dish best served cold indeed.
Just a thought, after all, Char could end better off in this story, or see himself no diferent to the ones he hates if he doesn't take care.
And so, after a wall of text, I bid you adieu. Hope to see the next chapter soon :3
| mike.gilbert.90410 chapter 8 . 1/18
When you go into Amuro's past trauma, can you explain it was a brutal beat down by sadistic bullies instead of the darker thing that lease one reviewer assumed, please? Emphasis on darker.
I'm looking forward to seeing him and Sayla continue to bond, especially on a deeper level.
I'm feeling a little unsure about all those outside universe references about SpongeBob and such, but I trust you know what you're doing. I actually can compare Char to Hamlet and wouldn't disapprove if anyone in universe saw the comparison.
I've been seeing the other reviews, and I'd like to state my own opinions about the ones dealing with how much Char liked Garma, how badly Gihren felt for his death, and Char having some help against the Zabis.
For the former, I'm thinking that in the original, Char, trusting his gut vindictively that Degwin was the one who murdered Zeon, couldn't help, but extend that hatred to his own children. Apparently not thinking fully on how to obtain his revenge and retake control of Side 3, Char chose to simply bide his time in order to get at the Zabis and befriended Garma to get close. By Garma's final moments and in the moments succeeding it, Garma couldn't resist mocking his supposed friend. However, I've also wondered the possibility of him actually liking Garma, but still couldn't pass the blame over the children for their father's sins. He may have felt pity, but not enough remorse. But that's my lack of absolute knowledge on Gundam lore talking. In this story, I think I'd like it if you gave Sayla and Char moments to realize that you can't punish an entire family based on what one of them did. Whatever happens to Garma next might be a good step in the right direction.
As for Gihren, he's a complicated question mark, considering he's the first complete monster on TV Tropes that is of Gundam origin. In a story called Gihren, Gihren, the writer casted him as a misguided follower of Alexander the Great who actually saw Garma's death as a tragedy. Something I'd like to believe. However, in canon, he's pretty much a motivating, greedy sociopath that didn't even bother to sympathize with the deaths and grief in his family. Of course, I'm one of those people who like complete monsters, so long as they have tragic starting points for their path to heinousness. Like bad influences, torture by another race, loss of loved ones, an inferiority complex, and something else I can't think of. Gihren, unfortunately, didn't get a chance for his origin to shine. Anyway, if you're going to make sure your Gihren follows in his canon self's footprints, maybe you can give him a good paragraph of past events that describes what led him into becoming the Hitler follower he was and is. Something like a border dispute that turned ugly and left him embittered and disillusioned with how the Zeon Empire was run in it's diplomatic administration and that the other powers aren't in favor of Zeons much. Or whatever sounds good.
Back to Char, I think it would've made the original character a little more brighter in the eyes of some viewers, if he actually had a plan for Zeon. I'd be very appreciative if you'd give him his own secret faction. A Neo Zeon movement waiting for the opportunity to strike and free Zeon from it's Zabi usurper. Star Trek Deep Space Nine had the Cardassian Liberation Front, I'm sure you can do something just as useful for the Galactic War. Considering he's against the Solar Rays and doesn't take kindly to the term lowborn, that might be a high hope to see him actually take responsibility for his own actions and not blame them on others. I guess fighting something more larger than UC's One Year War can do that.
Just think about it all.
| mike.gilbert.90410 chapter 7 . 1/18
I'm amused by the chapter quotes. But what inspires your names? So far, the Ark Royal's crewmembers are calming down. There's still some angst, but they might get over it in time. I can actually imagine the Earth President turning out to be using the Newtypes as part of his own genocidal power plays. I'm also quite curious to see how Sleggar knows about Sayla's true heritage.
| mike.gilbert.90410 chapter 6 . 1/18
Crazy. Of course, the Solar Rays have got to be stopped eventually.
| mike.gilbert.90410 chapter 5 . 1/18
As you well know, I thought about the Solar Ray being used similarly in the alternate final battle under different circumstances. Of course, I had the finale of Power Rangers Lost Galaxy and Star Trek Nemesis on the brain at the time. Gihren's quite the heinous character here as he is in canon, especially on how he can pass on his wicked traits on to his followers like a disease. It's fortunate that Degwin was around and that no one conceived of the Solar Ray at the time in canon otherwise it would've been incredibly short in an awful way.
On a more lighthearted review, I can't help, but see the similarities between Amuro and me. I've got autism, I prefer leaving indoors at my own accord, and I get frustrated with those around me who act hopelessly immature, especially in a loud volume. Therefore, I keep to myself at school and have pretty much no friends. Look's your boy is going to have to learn how to open himself pretty quickly soon.
| mike.gilbert.90410 chapter 4 . 1/18
Not too happy about Hayato's disdain, but he's only Human. Something that is to be expected in a piece of drama. So long as it doesn't turn into melodrama, then it's fine with me. It's something he's going to have to get over just as Sayla needs to make peace with her Zeon pride and Bright needs to earn the respect of his superiors. You have a long way to go. I pray you have enough time for updates.
| mike.gilbert.90410 chapter 3 . 1/18
Maybe you should expand on Amuro's doubts. Get him to have a talk with Bright or someone and explain that he feels he lacks the confidence and resolve others possess and how he needs to rely on more experience soldiers such as Bright, Sayla, and Sleggar to encourage him to become the soldier humanity needs him to be.
| mike.gilbert.90410 chapter 2 . 1/18
I saw that you gave the kids of the first show more military oriented roles with the ages to match, I think.
However, at the end I got a little confused when you wrote that three Zeon ships left instead of four, or was there something I missed? Aside from that, I think the terminology of Zeons sounds better than without the "s". If you're going to use it singularly, you might have to add "Empire" to it. Or just leave it at Empire. It 's been done before.
I saw that you gave a lot of emotions for Amruo for his first battle. It was very heart-wrenching. Something that makes me wonder if I can kill large amounts of people, see through so much slaughter, and not be phased by it.
| mike.gilbert.90410 chapter 1 . 1/18
It's me from the fanon site.
You know, I don't know a lot about real life military socializations, but I personally think that the whole punching and slapping thing kind of branches into territories of assault and abuse. Eventually, Amruo or someone else is going to have to bring that up.
You've changed a lot of names around here and there. I actually think Kycilia is a better name, but that's probably because I prefer English dubbings. I did talk with Zaku Boy that it did sound rather arrogant to have an entire nation named after the founder. I can respect that Zeon Zum Deikun eventually became a symbol over his life and after his death, but a little self-praise goes a long way. Not that I mean to criticize the real deals. In fact I've only watched bits and pieces of episodes of the original. I just think that sometimes guys like Tomino don't think of the reception in the far future. Of course, he's not a Newtype, and Japan did emerge 30 years before very scathed from WWII, so it's clearly best not to judge them to harshly, and just pray that someday something a good number of people can appreciate can come about.
I know what you told me about Miharu being based on a scratched character sounds sound enough, but for some reason, I don't necessarily approve of adding what's essentially an OC too much of a spotlight unless it's for an important reason. Like me making up Sly Cooper's mother in my own prequel fiction. Still, I'm curious to see how it goes for her. Her family's redemption might even be in her hands as far as anyone knows.
I'm hopeful that you don't let Sleggar and Mirai part on a bad note. One of the problems I have with the original is the criticizing reaction of horror Amuro's mother showed on his own actions which I personally find to be very reasonable. The latter not the former. If I was forced into a war I didn't want and had to make tough decisions and see bad things on the way, I'd probably be an even more terrible wreck than Amuro was.
All the same, this looks like a good description of all Gundam universes merging with each other and meeting the other space Nazis in Exo-Squad and Killzone as well as the extended universe of Star Wars and the factionalism nature of Star Trek. Gives more credit to that superior race nonsense that Gihren kept blabbering on about, but wasn't even a Newtype. In fact, after some thinking, the term universal century sounds a little redundant when humanities still confined to Earth's orbits and not even out of the solar system.
| Juubi-K chapter 8 . 1/10
Sorry for taking so long to get to this.
Once I started, I couldn't stop. There's some fine world-building here. I very much enjoyed finding out more about this universe, including its array of songstresses. I was a little surprised to see Marina, but it's far from unwelcome. I was also happy to see Milliardo and the Sanc Kingdom mentioned. It makes me wonder how many more are going to pop up in the course of this story.
The Newtype scene was nicely done. There was a real sense of other-wordliness about Amuro's mental contact with Sayla, making me wonder where their relationship is going to go. Sleggar Law and his love of 20th/21st century pop culture was a nice touch, and you got my attention with what looks like a conflict or rivalry of sorts with Sayla.
Nicely done all round.
| hornofdesolation chapter 8 . 1/3
You need to edit your Midway-class/Trojan Horse references. Your previous chapters said there were 5 still operational ships of the class not 1.
| spirit117 chapter 8 . 1/3
Great chapter Wing Zero. Looks like Garma is heading for the chopping block sooner than I expected, its always interesting to see Char and Garma interact with each other. While Char has definitely always hated Garma I think on some level he did like Garma a little.
Also just so you know you may want to fix the parts in your story where it says the last Midway-class fleetcarrier or the last Trojan Horse. I’m guessing what you meant by “the last” you mean the last Midway-class fleetcarrier made, since unless you changed it I’m pretty sure there are still 4 other Midway-class ships still out there making a grand total of 5.
I also say you changed both Sleggar and Sayla’s nicknames. I won’t lie I honestly like their old ones more but I understand why it had to be done.
Probably my most favorite part in this chapter would have to be the party. It was nice seeing everyone relax and Amuro realizing his newtype abilities had a positive side for once. He also had a little character development by keeping his cool and staying at the party after that little incident with Eledore.
Keep up the great work.
| Lone Gundam chapter 8 . 12/27/2014
So just like in the show Garma is going to die, I can imagine Gihren having a stroke about that. Thank you for the update, this was more than worthy of being called an early Christmas present.
| Gaby chapter 8 . 12/26/2014
Great update,will Sayla and Amuro hook-up.
| ZeroNu chapter 8 . 12/24/2014
A Merry Christmas to you also! Thanks for giving out this great gift cant wait till the next chapter comes out. Also I thought there were still more Midway class ships left not just the Ark Royal or did I miss something that got changed?