Reviews for Without Esme
emeraldstarforever chapter 1 . 3/5/2011
::::::::::::) please carry on... your writing is good... it would be cool if u checked out my stories too...
Bob chapter 1 . 4/10/2010
It was very good. Interesting with out Esme. I liked it though.
potterandweasel chapter 2 . 4/2/2010
You need to sort your paragraphs out! Great story though!
LauraHannah90 chapter 1 . 3/5/2010
Okay, so I saw that you had no reviews and I knew why instantly. You really aren't selling your story. When I was browsing through, there are stories there with much better titles and summaries.

'Without Esme DRAFT' suggests that its really not that good because its only a draft, a quickly assembled piece of writing. And the summary 'work in progress' really doesn't tempt people to read. Its clear that the story isn't complete yet, but to write it in your summary emphasises that you aren't really finished with it and takes up characters that could be used to describe your story better.

I thought I'd try and help you, because you've got a good basis for a good story here.

Also another tip, maybe try and space out your writing more. This chapter is basically two extremely large blocks of text, without paragraphs. I can see the spelling and grammar is good, but space out your writing - its makes it easier and clearer to read and more presentable. The second chapter was one big block of text.

The story itself is good. I enjoyed reading the bits that I did, you just need to advertise it correctly. By emphasising its a draft, people are going to skim over it and read something else with a more developed, confident title, assuming that your story is not worth reading, which isn't true.

I hope this helps because if presented properly, you may get more readers which is something I assume you would like on this site?

I am only trying to help, and in no way do I mean to cause offence. Advice is something that is encouraged to give in reviews, and this is what I'm doing. Please feel free to PM or reply if you have any questions :)

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