|Reviews for Tales from Paramecia|
| PRDFox chapter 3 . 8/26/2011
This is what I consider great fan fiction: alternate viewpoints and voices, familiar situations from a different angle, and solid and evocative writing. Great job!
| Martin III chapter 3 . 6/30/2010
More excellent prose here, flowing rather smoothly from retrospection to in-the-moment contemplation. With this story, the most important aspect is establishing why Oddeye acted as he did, and what his feelings were with regard to Bowie and the others, and I think you did that splendidly. This is not a sentimentalized version of the character; Oddeye is unambiguously evil, and unquestioning in his beliefs. He wouldn't be one of the Greater Devils otherwise. You reconcile his conflicting feelings towards Bowie in a satisfying manner, without resorting to overly direct explanation.
On the minus side, Creed's little speeches are rather contrived, and his tone seems overly patronizing. They just come off as odd literary insertions, and not as something anyone would actually say.
Overall, I rather enjoyed this. It's a good character study of Oddeye that doesn't fall into formula.
| Martin III chapter 2 . 4/27/2010
Tough as it is, the first observation I have to make is that this is a very odd place to put this chapter. We're nowhere near the events of Moun and Pacalon which it discusses. Having a retrospective perspective right after the intro, the perfect opposite to the dramatic build-up one would expect at this point in a novel, makes it especially puzzling.
Very strong content, however. The measured pace of the prose works well for a memoir penned by Frayja, and while it IS possible to be too stuffy and flowery for even that context, you managed to not cross that line here. You depicted his personality just about right, and brought in some interesting additions to King Pacalon's backstory.
Just a couple typos this time: "...as while as the...", and "...I prayed over top corpses of..." Also, at the end King Pacalon refers to Rune instead of Parmecia.
| Martin III chapter 1 . 3/18/2010
Not a bad start for what it is, though of course it is just a novelization, and so doesn't have much value for the reader.
Your prose is mostly excellent, though there are a lot of typos ("the type to of thief", "continued to endure suffer poverty", "grabbing the same jewel He applied", "right when his feet he exited the shrine."), and Demonic has pointed out the peculiar use of "tactfully", which rather stood out to me too. Also, the prose sometimes veers into omniscient POV style even though it's clearly 3rd person limited. For instance: "Legends spoke of a great darkness sealed within this place, but Slade had categorized the tales as nonsense." The narrator there seems to be judging Slade rather than speaking from his limited POV.
But those are all individual instances, and the prose has no intrinsic problems. Your writing has a very patient feel to it, wording things with enough detail and pacing to let the reader actually feel the passage of time in the story, yet without making things sluggish or dull. The sentence beginning "Slade crept forward slowly," is particularly strong.
I see that Demonic Weasel has already brought up the problem with Slade's social views, and I don't think I could have put it better myself. I will add, though, that I would expect Slade to not turn poverty into an issue of blame at all. Poor people inevitably exist in every era of every culture, and I'd think someone of Slade's upbringing would be accepting of that fact. It just doesn't sound right for him to have a condescending attitude towards Galam's rulers.
So, I don't think I need to tell you that I don't care for novelizations, but from what you posted on the forums I gather that there's going to be a bit more to it than that, and the writing, as I've mentioned, is very good.
| Demonic Weasel chapter 1 . 3/2/2010
Alright then. It's been long enough since you first put this up on SFC that I'd forgotten everything which made it perfect for a review now.
As always, I really enjoy your prose. You give a very epic style to things, with lilted, almost poetic language and while this particular read of Slade is not exactly typical, it's very true to what we see of the character nonetheless. You're going more for the calculating angle that we've seen from him rather than the low-brow thief alone and it works quite nicely.
There are only two particular things I noted in the text that you might want to reconsider.
"halls of the ancient tower"- I'm pretty sure that the ancient shrine isn't a tower, but whatever floats your boat.
"crept tactfully" is a peculiar use of the adverb. I understand what you mean to say, but it does stand out quite a bit. Carefully, or some other word to indicate caution would probably be better placed there.
Now, the major problem I have with this opening is this: Slade's pondering on social theory. I don't have a problem with his convictions or that inequality is one of the major motivations for his character, but you're hammering the point home almost too strongly. I think it would be more effective if the point was made more subtly than his open theorizing. There's also the fact that it feels somewhat anachronistic; generally thoughts of a differently run world have been the playground of the educated, whether we like or not. And for most of history, the educated are the ones that Slade is lambasting, as though he's been exposed to different conceptual possibilities. I understand that given his Robin Hood esque connotations, it may be difficult to come up with a different way to put this, and you may not even want to change it. Still, it remains as a possible flaw in the character building to my mind.
Still, I quite enjoy this even if it is just a reinterpertation of the game itself.