|Reviews for Error in Calculation|
| Martin III chapter 8 . 9/5/2018
There are some really strong moments in this fic, but the work as a whole feels weighed down by big problems with credibility, tension, and characterization.
First off, the mystery genre is a poor fit for the premise; the first half of the fic is largely devoted to characters speculating on questions that the reader already knows the answers to. Needless to say, this is not exciting or interesting to read.
Then there's the bizarre premise that the police keep Kyon's death a secret from the general public. I'm not versed in Japanese law, but I find it hard to believe that it's legal in any democracy to cover up a public safety issue. Even if it were legal, how would it be possible? Are we expected to believe that if a student were murdered in a public school, the police could have the school closed for days without any explanation, and organize a school memorial service, all without the press getting wind of anything? How did they shut up Taniguchi and Kyon's parents (who are going to notice their son is missing)? Even if they could keep it a secret, why would they? The only answer to that seems to be because the plot falls apart if Haruhi is promptly informed of Kyon's death.
Things improve in the second half, as the police angle is given less attention, but the entire fic is lacking in compelling tension. As far as the villains go, the yakuza are faceless and obviously outmatched by the superpowered protagonists, and Ryouko, though a convincingly portrayed character, lacks any game plan. Most of the story's attempts at creating tension are centered on misunderstandings between the various do-gooder factions, and it never feels like these misunderstandings might not get cleared up in time. It's obvious from the beginning that the characters are going to use time travel to save Kyon (especially since the text "not as AU as it will seem initially" in the summary effectively spoils this), and the reader is left waiting for the characters to all figure this out.
I find it odd to see so many previous reviews single Koizumi out as the most OOC member of the cast. I agree with Clement Rage that it doesn't make sense for Koizumi to be all broken up about Kyon's death when they'd only known each other for about a week, but generally he's fine. Not spot on, but I didn't have trouble believing he would speak and act as he did.
Nagato is the most blatant case of bad characterization. Given that in the source material Nagato speaks efficiently and precisely, I can't understand why so many fanfic writers have her replacing normal terminology with long, awkward, and overly vague phrases (e.g. "visual representations" instead of "photographs"). It's OOC and makes her come off as a dolt. Worse than that are her emotional outbursts in chapter 4 and the epilogue; the story gives no explanation for her suddenly expressing herself in this way. Also, I dislike the implication given in her conversations with Emiri that she is emotionless by default and is learning emotions. My impression from the source material was that Nagato has emotions but usually cannot express them in a way that humans could understand. The alien-learns-emotions cliche always felt too human-centric to me, effectively dividing the universe into humans and beings who are trying to be more like humans.
The technobabble employed by Nagato and Emiri is excessive, as Another Duck already noted. Technobabble should be used sparingly if at all; otherwise, it becomes dull, tedious, and purposeless. This problem is made worse by their using the term "the primary" to refer to at least two different characters.
The good moments include Ryouko's strong characterization and Haruhi's creation of inaccurate Kyons, bringing to the reader the unvoiced lessons that Haruhi, for all her power, can't recreate a specific human being, and that she wants Kyon for himself rather than as a realization of her wishes. The use of closed space for travel is also a good creative use of esper abilities, assuming it isn't covered in the source material (I haven't gotten to reading the books yet).
The epilogue does indeed fit poorly with the rest of the fic. The Kyon/Nagato romance, in addition to being too direct, isn't presaged by anything in the rest of the story. In fact, it's indicated on multiple occasions that Kyon likes Mikuru, as in the canon.
I appreciate this fic's effort to explain Nagato's actions in "The Disappearance", but ultimately I don't think it was successful in that regard either. If Nagato/the Data Integration Thought Entity knew in advance that she was going to have an emotional breakdown, and even knew the rough time table, you'd think she'd have been more proactive about ending the time loop in "Endless Eight", or failing that, that she'd be replaced before she could go rogue.
| Xanthia Sorel chapter 8 . 10/6/2016
A very nice story that I enjoyed quite a bit.
| KMF-G chapter 8 . 12/31/2015
AWESOME! Thanks for fun.
| Alfa290 chapter 8 . 4/7/2014
| Uberlemming chapter 8 . 7/2/2013
I will say this once, there is nothing wrong with a pro-Yuki bias the size of a small moon. Also, no emotional shielding could possibly repel firepower of that magnitude.
| Wowza48 chapter 8 . 3/27/2013
I really enjoyed reading this story. It was very well written, and I enjoy how you, for lack of a better term, projected Yuki and Emiri's relationship/connection to each other. This and Kyon, Big Damn Hero have to be my favorites out of the stories of yours that I have read so far. You do a great job with details and getting into the character's head. Hope you keep up the good work, your stories really draw a person in.
| RealRemainder chapter 7 . 5/29/2012
OMG HO MY GOD, this is... THIS IS WIN!
I know I haven't read the epilogue yet, but it is AMAZING how everything fell into place with this.
I especially love how Nagato's emotions are'nt supposed to get the best out of her for 600 years... And then there is the endless summer that passes those 600 years... and the it explains 'the disapearence of haruhi suzumiya'!
I love how the detctives figured everyuthing out, how the characters were in characters and your espers OCs were awesome!
This was a nice read!
| Thyrokio chapter 8 . 2/26/2012
Wow, what a ride! TFEI P.O.V must have been pretty hard to write. It was really convincing too, nice job.
Thanks for having written this.
| Reviewer chapter 8 . 11/29/2011
Great story. Pro-Yuki is perfectly acceptable. I really liked this story. I thought the inclusion of elements of Hyperion and the TechnoCore was very good and well thought out and interesting. Fridge Brilliance: Apparently Haruhi is the human God from that series?
| SWORDJ chapter 8 . 5/27/2011
This story is absolutely terrific, I couldnt stop reading it till the end. I loved the way you portrayed Yuki, with her not being too overly emotional and all. This is definitely one of the best TMoHS fanfics I've ever read. ;)
| mkc132 chapter 8 . 5/6/2011
Yuki:). The epilogue was good;)
| Clement Rage chapter 3 . 4/26/2011
As entertaining as this is, I'm having some difficulty imagining such strong reactions from the brigade at this point in time. If I remember rightly, the brigade doesn't know each other that well yet when Asakura stabs Kyon. It'd rattle them, yes, but it seems that their reactions are a bit extreme for this early in the brigade's history.
Well, possibly Yuki, since she can synchronise with her future self, but I don't see Koizumi or Haruhi being familiar enough with him yet to be so devastated.
| CryingCicada chapter 8 . 3/17/2011
well, that was interesting, I hope you write more like that in the future, your stories seem to be the kind that can be re-read and new things found each time.
| marduk-report chapter 8 . 12/6/2010
that was good. at some points it was probably better than BDH-especially haruhi's dream and the absolutely delicious trick played on asakura in the hallway; made me shiver it did.
epilogue made me shed a single tear too (literally).
despite the inherently doomed state of the AU leaving little room for it, i feel its a bit of a shame that koizumi, mori and arakawa werent fleshed out a bit more; this fic had a very different take them to what im used to reading-especially mori...
...and as to yuki-bias. i personally dont mind in the slightest-i tend to share your views on that.
whilst ive not read higurashi, this fic and BDH have made me want to, at least so i can properly enjoy the relevant parts properly.
and now, 3 and a half hours after i originally meant to, i am going to bed.
| KAHNDetective27 chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
I just wanna say, you're brilliant. Before I read any more, before I do anything else, that's all I had to say. I'll post my actual review after I read the rest.