|Reviews for Turning Salt Into Sugar|
| happysue115 chapter 1 . 3/7/2015
Whether you liked writing this or not, I'm glad you did :) It is very cute and very well-written.
| Ilovecandy100 chapter 1 . 7/16/2014
This story was funny and sweet :)
| Ookami-jin chapter 1 . 9/16/2013
I loved this! I wish there was more, but it was concise enough to make it feel complete and believable. Pfff...is only this was in an episode...alas
| Venus God chapter 1 . 9/13/2013
THIS ISN'T MINE. This fanfic was written by Venus God as a sequel to her other fanfic Becoming Female.
Chapter 1: The Baby Happens
AN: This is the sequel to "Becoming Female", but you don't have to read it first to understand anything because I'll explain everything that happened and stuff.
My name is Crystal Malfoy. I used to be called Harry Potter before I was turned into a girl by an accident Snape did and married Draco Malfoy at an awesome pirate wedding. After graduating from Hogwarts, I moved into Draco's big house thing and lived there with him and his awesome mother Narcissa and also Sirius Black. Lucius didn't live there anymore because Draco had epically killed him for being sexist, making him dead and not alive anymore. One day, me and Draco decided to go to St. Mungo's so I could have our baby. I was wearing a yellow T-shirt, a bright orange vest with blue polka dotes, a purple jean skirt and red sandals with olive green socks. I had dyed my hair blue and put it into a pony tail thing and I was wearing lots of makeup. I also had underwear on.
"Hello, I would like to have a baby today," I told some person.
"Right this way," they said, leading me and Draco to a room that was inside the hospital.
"Hello, I'm a healer," said a healer. "Get on this bed and start screaming to make the baby come out."
"Okay," said I as I got on the bed. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I said.
"Push! Push!" yelled Draco helpfully because otherwise I wouldn't have known about that part. I screamed epically some more and made the baby come out of my pleasure hole. Then I picked up my awesome baby and it was a boy and I knew he would never be sexist like that sexist idiot Ron Raper who used to be called Ron!
Chapter 2: Ginny needs help now!
"What should we name our awesome baby?" asked Draco handsomely as his amazing gray eyes glowed romantically at me.
"How about we call him Sunshine Archimedes Malfoy?" I suggested happily while I smiled a lot.
"Okay!" said Draco and he smiled too with his mouth! We went home with our baby thing and put it in a crib where it belonged. Then we started to kiss romantically with our lips touching. Suddenly, Narcissa walked into the room!
"Whoa, you two look so cute together!" she laughed at us. "Anyway, you have some guests." Then Ginny walked in the room with her red hair and Luna came in too. Ginny was crying her eyes and it looked like she had been abused by someone abusive.
"What's wrong?" I asked her to find out what was going to make her cry so bigly.
"Someone in my family is SEXIST!" she yelled loudly in a loud voice.
"We already know about that sexist idiot Ron Raper," I told her. "Remember, he got epically killed by the awesome giant squid for being so sexist."
"It's not that sexist idiot Ron Raper!" she explained informatively. "I've never told you this before, but Arthur is very sexist and Molly only married him because she was a huge slut. Molly always wanted me to be a slut too so that I could use Love Potion to make you fall in love with me back when you were a boy. After you turned into a girl, it ruined her plans because she's so homophobic and she and Arthur decided it was my fault and started beating me with objects!"
"That's awful," I explained to her.
"I saved her when I went over to her house one day," said Luna in her stupid voice. "She lives with me now, but her evil parents are threatening to sue us badly for no reason!"
"We better go teach them a lesson!" I yelled awesomely. Ginny started crying with happiness and I hugged her sisterly. Then we all walked out of Malfoy Manor except for Narcissa who wasn't coming.
Chapter 3: Arthur and moly
author's Note: Ginny calls her parents by their given names because she's awesome like Bella Swan and Bella calls her dad "Charlie". Also, I'm explaining what happened in the previous story as this one goes along. If you want to know more about what happened in "Becoming female", you'll have to read it.
Me, Draco, Ginny, and Luna walked up to the ugly Burrow house. Molly was doing the chickens because she did whatever housework her husband told her to do because she was a slut. She was also wearing an ugly pink slutty bikini because she was a slut.
"Ginny says you're a slut!" I explained loudly.
"I'll do the talking," said Arthur sexistly. He was wearing an ugly wife-beater and drinking beer. "Women should let their husbands do all their talking stuff because they belong to them and they should only do inferior female things."
"You're sexist!" I yelled.
"I see you're finally returning our daughter," Arthur laughed in an evil voice. "Now we can force her to marry someone so she'll be locked away in a kitchen as a worthless housewife for the rest of her life! That's the natural order because women suck."
"We won't let you take her!" shouted Luna epically in an awesome way loudly.
"Then I'll go to the Ministry!" he cackled sexistly. "They're very sexist, so they'll automatically take my side! You have no chance!"
We all gasped furiously!
Chapter 4: Justice
AN: One-year-olds can't read, Jokegirl.
"Now, I want my daughter," said Arthur aggressively as he took out his wand and pointed it at us with his hand! "Pass over the little cunt now!" he added offensively.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled. We all got our wands too! Molly didn't get out a wand because she was a slut and because she was wearing a bikini which didn't have anywhere to put a wand anyway.
"Avada Kedavra!" yelled Arthur sexistly, aiming the green stuff at Ginny! Draco pushed Ginny aside gentlemanly and the spell exploded epically.
"HOW DARE YOU!" I sobbed awesomely. "You're so SEXIST!" Arthur laughed in an evil voice.
"You'll all die and NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!" he said, telling us that he would kill us all and that he wouldn't get in any trouble because no one would ever know about it.
"Not if I have anything to say about it, you dumb nincompoop!" shouted Luna epically. She did a spell amazingly that made it so Arthur's clothes disappeared and he was wearing boxers with ugly red hearts on them! He screamed and dropped his wand on the ground and covered the boxers with his hands because it was so embarrassing. Then he ran inside crying pathetically in a sexist voice! I picked up his wand and broke it into twenty pieces while laughing happily.
Then Ginny did a spell that made it so the whole Burrow was on fire. Arthur screamed badly as he got on fire and started to burn up!
"NO, YOU EPIC FOOLS!" he screeched at us. "YOU'LL ALL PAY FOR THIS WHEN I RAPE YOU ALL ON PURPOSE!"
"You're destroying the kitchen!" yelled Molly at us sluttily. "Now my life doesn't have any meaning!"
We all picked up Molly and threw her into the burning house too because she was a slut. She started to cry stupidly as she caught on fire!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she yelled evilly. He all high-fived each other and walked away laughing at Arthur and Molly getting what they deserved!
Chapter 5: A day at Nordstrom
AN: I haven't actually read the books cuz they're so long, but my sister read them to me once so I know everything that happens and stuff. She also types up my fics for me. She thinks they're dumb, but she has to do it or I'll show mom the pictures of her with her boyfriend. I wish I had a boyfriend. ;(
We decided to celebrate what we did by going shopping! We went to the Nordstrom in Diagon Alley. Hermione and Professor McGonagall were already there. Hermione was wearing a green T-shirt, pink overalls, a blood red superhero cape with yellow stripes on it, and dark purple Russian boots. McGonagall was wearing a pretty peach blouse with blue polka dots, a neon green microskirt with her royal purple thong underwear showing, bright yellow go-go boots, and tweed opera gloves. She had also dyed her hair olive green and styled it into a Dutch braid.
"Hey, guys!" I screamed at them. "I just gave birth to my new baby thing and we're calling it Sunshine."
"That's a lovely name!" said McGonagall wisely. "Someone needing a lobotomy would have chosen a retarded name like Scorpius, but Sunshine is much better."
"Yeah, that's the name Lucius would have forced Draco to use on his son if he hadn't been dead," I said back to her responsively. "Thank goodness that didn't happen!"
We all started shopping awesomely. Draco bought a purple football helmet with yellow pictures of flowers on it, an orange tuxedo with brown and purple pinstripes, and a brown and black tweed turtleneck shirt thing. Ginny bought a tweed spaghetti strap jacket with a picture of Robert Pattinson on it, red and orange tie dye shorts, a pink and gold plaid v-neck, and expensive solid gold sandals. Luna bought a leather orange garter belt, a blue-green and copper pantsuit, and white wool socks. Hermione bought a pink and orange embroidered sweat jacket and a green cashmere skirt with purple polka dots. McGonagall bought a purple purse with yellow and orange stripes on it and a bright green string bikini. I just got a cute purple and brown flared skirt.
We all then went to Malfoy Manor to hang out together and stuff.
Chapter 6: Umbridge Spoils a Beautiful Morning
The next day I woke up in Draco's bed because we slept in the same bed because we were married and it was awesome and grown-up. I put on a tweed purple blouse, a yellow Eisenhower jacket, a blue leather skirt with orange horizontal stripes, red tights, and green sneakers. I also put on underwear, but I put it on before the rest of my clothes so that the underwear would be under them.
I went downstairs with Draco and then we started to play Scrabble with Hermione, Ginny, Luna, McGonagall, Sirius, and Lupin. Narcissa made us all food and served it to us because Draco didn't make me cook because he wasn't sexist like that sexist idiot Ron Raper.
"I'm kicking all your asses!" laughed Luna, who was winning victoriously. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and Narcissa answered it. And then walked in an evil, slutty woman wearing ugly clothes!
"UMBRIDGE!" we all screamed at her, but she didn't go awa
| Lurker Number 38 chapter 1 . 7/22/2013
| walkersystem chapter 1 . 5/26/2013
My friends and I play the insult game! It's a little different from your version but I like what you came up with. Might have to change the rules of our game to make it more like yours. :)
| 19Haruhi95 chapter 1 . 9/30/2012
well, what should I say? I think it was awesome- pure sugar *-* I'd like to read something like this more often, because most of this stories are just too dramatic for me (always making me a little bit depressed) ;)
Very well done!
| unknownly popular kid chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
it was good and reviewing IS necessary for any good story just sayin great job!
| Black Lighted Clouds chapter 1 . 7/12/2012
I'd like to see another chapter on this; it's awesome as it is, don't get me wrong, but another chapter would be a good idea to make the implications a little clearer, you know?
| Iris Fieldsman-Hale chapter 1 . 2/19/2012
Ok, that was just cute. XD
And damn right he got 1,004!
| jadaen chapter 1 . 2/6/2012
i really liked it and starting with the game was a great way to begin. i love your writing keep writing stories please!
| CC.V.RG chapter 1 . 1/28/2012
Lol, so apparently, I won't be able to get away with being a lurker on this one...*sheepish* Ah, well. I guess I'll have to admit it: yes, Malcolm/Reese fluff is my guilty pleasure. *sigh* XD
Anyway, really good story. I liked how Reese got all protective of Malcolm being called a fag (btw, that word really pisses me off too. I go a bit crazy whenever I hear it. . Stupid, insensitive society).
This is an instant fav for me, so thank you for writing it! :)
| brightsidetolife chapter 1 . 10/10/2011
That was amazing~ I loved it!
| ThreeThreads chapter 1 . 10/1/2011
Personally, I think the story's awesome but I also felt a sort of gap thing in the story. I think it's because Malcolm was to cooperative. Maybe he should've been a little more, "Whoa..." then, "Dude, let's do it." You know, a little hesitant. And I didn't understand why Reese became so furious about Malcolm being called the word.
I do really like it. No spelling errors and grammatically perfect. You did good. -
| klates chapter 1 . 3/17/2011
I love the use of the insult score as a brick joke at the end of the story, that made me smile.