|Reviews for Picture Perfect|
| oldman543 chapter 2 . 3/8/2010
Very nice. I'm interested to see where you take this.
| re777 chapter 1 . 3/8/2010
Good start...keep up the good work!
| Therio chapter 2 . 3/8/2010
Looking forward to the next chapter.
| Memory King chapter 2 . 3/7/2010
This one has potential, as long as Harry's mask isn't too similar to canon come Hogwarts.
The plot about the teacher is interesting, though I would have wanted something more to come from it, since it looks like Harry is succeeding at hiding himself.
Looking forward to more!
| TaylorMyaTaylorMya chapter 2 . 3/4/2010
Can't wait for the next chapter!
| QChronoD chapter 2 . 3/4/2010
I'm pretty sure that I've read another story that's almost identical to this. I distinctly remember a scene about the teacher noticing Harry calculating how many questions he needs to get wrong in order to keep his average below Dudley's. He was eventually moved forward a few classes and was either going to take his A levels, or start university when his Hogwarts letter came.
Either that, or I have vague recollections of chapters that you haven't posted yet...
| gaul1 chapter 2 . 3/3/2010
Interesting plot line, byes
| Darth Kottaram chapter 2 . 3/2/2010
Very interesting. I look forward to seeing more.
| Jarvey chapter 2 . 3/2/2010
Great start, can't wait to read more.
| Haunt of twilight chapter 2 . 3/1/2010
Interesting story. I am curious to see where this will go, Will someone step in to help Harry?
| CannedMushroom chapter 1 . 3/1/2010
There are lots of issues with your fic so far. First off you need to learn to write a story not summarize one. The following is what Sorcerer’s Stone would look like with your writing style.
One day a large man by the name of Hagrid came to visit the Dursleys where they were staying on a hut on a rock. He took Harry the next day to get supplies for a school called Hogwarts where Harry would learn to use magic. Harry was amazed at all the magical things he saw in the shopping district called Diagon Alley.
You should get the point by now. Instead of saying ‘He had, from his observations of the Dursleys so far” describe the scenes in which Harry makes whatever observations you want him to make. This is the difference between writing a story and summarizing one.
It took dedication, determination and more focus than a normal five-going-on-six year could manage, but, seeing as Harry had chosen to be decidedly abnormal, effective immediately, he succeeded in the end.
He spent every free moment he had
Okay this is BS. You say it takes more determination than a six year old could manage. I agree, in fact I agree past your statements and can safely say “No six year old can spend ‘every free moment’ working on a skill” It isn’t possible children’s brains are not wired to dedicate themselves in such a manor. They observe and mimic at that age, not work to better themselves. If a six year old had a problem they would look for a short term solution. Learning to lift a pebble with their mind (or whatever you want to call it) is far too long term to be useful to them so they would work towards a short term solution. No one gets such long term goals until they are at the youngest 10, more likely 14.
Also this whole ‘Harry learns about magic at a young age’ is so cliché that you should just do a time skip to Harry at age 11. Then tell your readers that he started controlling magic when he was six. It reduces the amount of crap you are trying to shovel.
“during the cold season, his patched up blanket wasn't enough to keep him warm,” Here is another case of the BS. He is in a cupboard under the stairs. Therefore he is in the center of the house and certainly not next to an outside wall. Whatever heating system the Dursleys employ, would allow him to remain comfortable in such a small space naked without any blanket. Think of it as an Igloo his body heat would warm such a small space up, and there is no cold space that his cupboard is in contact with to counter it.
Think before you write. They are not keeping him in a shed outside.
When Aunt Petunia washed his blanket, she concluded it wasn't his anymore and replaced it with another one, which was in an even worse condition than the first.
What the hell is this? Does Petunia have an unlimited supply of ruined blankets that she keeps just for Harry? Or does she go out and mug hobos of theirs to ensure Harry has a poor blanket? Talk about putting too much effort into making someone despondent. She could put him in greater misery in a much easier fashion, like feeding him raw fetid meat.
All and all this story is a poorly written assemblage of clichés that have been recycled too often. If you aren’t going to be original then at least write it in a mildly amusing fashion; or vice-versa.
P.S. I am picking up grammar errors. That means you need a beta desperately.
| StoryTagger chapter 2 . 3/1/2010
Huh, so Harry is already indulging in mind magic. That actually makes a lot of sense. The best way to protect yourself from others' harmful decisions is to change those decisions. Very good chapter.
| italian4321 chapter 2 . 3/1/2010
I would say wondeful job for now.
Keep up the good work. i like the ideas and plot.
Would it help if periodically we pester you on the updating if you take too long?
I honestly dislike a lot authors who live their job half way. I find it highly disrespectful.
However you are doing a ood job and hopefully ou'll keep going.
| peruser chapter 2 . 2/28/2010
It's a shame that Harry has to make himself seem dumber than Dudley just to make the Dursleys happy. I think that it's great that Harry is learning to develop his power. Some of what he is learning is Legilimancy (when he looks into people and animal's minds), and his process of using his mind to control his magic is probably the start of Occlumancy (recognizing and protecting his mind from outside influences), but controlling animals and people sounds like the Imperious curse. If the Wizarding world finds out that he can do that they'll start screaming 'DARK' at him, like they did when they found out that he was a Parselmouth. I like what he's learning because I think that he can use all of the protection that he can get. I also think he needs to take a look at WHY the Dursleys hate him, because he needs the heads up about the magical world. Harry is proving to be a very smart kid, even if he can't show it, if he has some time to prepare he won't be as vulnerable to manipulation. It's a shame that Harry is about to mess with his teacher's mind. She might have been able to help him.
| Skadya chapter 2 . 2/28/2010
I like this chapter and hope to read more soon.
But there is a question I have about this chapter.
Will Harry try to "control" his teacher?
Why not the Dursleys so he can get better marks?