|Reviews for Three Generations|
| Cyberweasel89 chapter 1 . 4/9
Congratulations! Your story was riffed on Library of the Damned!
literarytravesty. wordpress 2017/04/09/three-generations-chapter-one/
Just remove the spaces when you copy-paste the link!
| Sehkmet chapter 5 . 11/7/2016
This story is really badly written. You do realize that to have a story you need plot, yes? And that a list of bullet points with nothing connecting them is NOT plot?
Also, your character is really whiny. The whole "no one loves me" shtick has been done past death and into eternal damnation.
Also, the Sword doesn't work like that. Succession in the Enchanted Forest does not work like that. If someone can use the Sword, they are ruler. If there needs to be a King, then the Queen can marry someone, but only the Queen would have real power. It is specifically stated in the books several times that the ability to use the Sword is all that really matters.
Your story had nothing going for it. Decent grammar, terrible story structure and compressed paragraphs and random time skips. No good characters, definitely not your precious T.R., and no one else gets enough lines to be a good character. T.R. is a classic Mary Sue, with speshul powerz and speshul heritage, doing nothing for herself, hating all who dislikes her, being a spoiled brat but we are supposed to sympathize with her as opposed to the people she bullies, and, last but not least, the warping of canon to suit her own pathetic needs.
In short, this is not a good story. It is below average, and rapidly descending into "why would anyone write this drivel?" territory. Fix it.
| Sehkmet chapter 1 . 6/24/2016
Good job. I was rotflmao the entire story. You have a gift for comedy.
| extracutegurl9 chapter 5 . 6/8/2016
There are a lot of things that I dislike about this story. I will list them as bullet points for stylistic reasons. ;)
-Why did you make Cimorene useless? Does she have Alzheimers? Is she actually dead? Did Mendanbar replace her with a golem or homunculus? That would explain why she can't use the sword.
-Why did you reuse the wizard's plan from the fourth book?
-Why didn't you actually describe any of the action or plot points?
-How is T.R. part dragon? Did someone in the royal family get up to some real kinky stuff with the dragons? And how does that work?
-Are adventurers a separate species of human?
-What was the weird beam of light that shot out of the palace at the end?
-Were the voices she kept hearing the readers begging for this story to end? And if so, why put them in the story unless she's part Deadpool?
-Where did her other three family members go while she was in exile?
-What did you mean by comforting?
-Who is Morwren? Did you mean Morwen? Or is Morwen dead too? Were all of the female characters killed and replaced by golems?
-What on earth did those elves do to Tollog? Why did you make him the only useless love interest in the series?
-Why does T.R. never use her fire witch powers? Why does she never shapeshift? You specifically mentioned them in the first chapter, but never used them. Have you never heard of Chekov's Gun?
-Does she have a specific reason for using her initials only and is it the same reason why she refuses to use her full name as monarch?
-Who are the good people/creatures left in the Enchanted Forest? Left after what?
-How did the wizards get past the palace defenses? Were they ruling the Forest the whole time?
-How did she frighten the wizards?
-When did Shiara-sorry- Sharia Law become such a stickler...wait...answered my own question.
-Why is her brother a sissy? Is it to make T.R. look good? It doesn't work.
-Why did that cave have food in it anyways?
The idea of the sword choosing the second child is interesting, wizards attacking could work if they had a reason to attack, and you have a firm grip on sentence structure and spelling. Please work on plot. And then work on it some more. And then ask someone who writes better stories than you to beta.
| ranch-kun chapter 5 . 4/22/2011
WHY! WHY MUST MENDANBAR DIE! HE WAS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER! *Sobs*
| Ava Phoenixia chapter 3 . 12/22/2010
I'm glad you decided to flesh out your story more, as before it was little more than a plot skeleton. However, you need to proofread this. I'd offer, but I haven't got quite enough stories yet.
On a side note: you don't need to put a dash before every paragraph.