|Reviews for Empires of the Mind|
| TrillionSchiffer chapter 16 . 1/18/2020
I stuck through it. This story really ended for me the moment Bella 'allowed' herself to get captured to make the rest the plot 'work'. But it should've ended way before. It should've ended when i realized you were going with the absolute watered-down version of everyone's abilities.
Lets start at the top...
EMMETT is NO genuis: His big 'invention' - aka Bluetooth. Was available in 1998. This story was first up in 2010. And given the type of vehicles they can afford, anyone of their so called 'high-end' models would have it. So inventing a way to use the phone in his car so that he can continue to drive safely was an eye rolling joke. SMGDH. Even before Bluetooth was Aux cords. Most high end phones (blackberry) had them. ANd after you picked up... they were pretty much hands-free after that. Also, genius lies in creativity, Not following the blueprint of existing creation. If that was the case, a factory worker on an assembly line following his instruction could be considered a 'genius' by your can the 'assembler' guy at IKEA. Lol Emmett just following info that comes to his head does NOT a genius make! Oh an he put in an alarm system... (Roll my eyes.)Soooooooo?!
ROSE: Her abilitly to project herself, like many of your other characthers abilities, missed its potential. Honestly... From what you could've done with her to what you actually did, her character had me asking..."Besides to be snippy at Bella, snarky at the group, and smack Emmett behind his head. What is she here for again? More transparent and easily avoidable/ dismissable drama? Yeah... that sounds about right"
JASPER: Same old... you did what every fanfic writer i've read has done with him. Give his power an honorable mention. A lazy demonstration... then basically write it off. His gift never to be truly useful again. He himself could've been written off, if he wasn't sooo badly needed to play his role as Alice's guy.
Alice: Again... Perky, annoying, and always useless, blind, or wrong riiigggghhhttt when the author needs her to be. FOr I still haven't figured out HOW she missed Felix and Demetri NOT getting on the plane, NOT renting/stealing a car, NOT getting a kidnap kit ready for any member of the Cullen family they find alone, and NOT get wind that all of that was the plan in the first place! Even if the were ordered to... they are know to her and had minor decision to make. I mean...How many fricking decisions was in that?! (ROLL my eyes!)What obvious abuse you did as an author to make that ridiculouness play out. SMGDH Why is she useful to anyone again?
EDward: Okay, talent-wise... you did a better job on him than most. You were more consistant with the rules/laws of his gift than most others. But there were moments where I had to ask myself... how does he 'not' know that already? They were very few and the situations were all minor to the plot, but they were there. (See playful actions between him and Alice.) Gift aside... he was like how everyone else made him. An Emo, destined the fuck up everything because he cant get a handle on his mouth or emotions. And for someone who can read minds... he sure gets a lot of people wrong.
And Last but not least BELLA. Jesus christ. This character was up, down, left, right, complete idiot! I get that she didn't 'live that life' but for fuck sakes... even after monster clues, she kept standing around waiting for someone to explain further. Like Bit-h! Keep up! Stop standing there with your mouth open looking like a drooling idiot. Man what a twit she was.
And don't get me started on All the things she/you could've done with the little bit of power she had but didn't. There was NO creativity with her or that AT ALL! I wondered why you even bothered with it, if you knew it was going to get in the way of the plot. Because you trying to use it or write around it showed me you must've never picked up a comic book in you LIFE! No imagination AT ALL. Every situation I saw Bella in I thought of 10 very BASIC and small things she could've done. Shhheeeeeiiitttttt she could be Darth Vadering everyone, and just choking mofo's. Buutttt she was written to an idiot so none of that happened. And I have to ask.. .HOW IN THE HELL Was she able to get kidnapped AT ALL? She got spooked and instead of putting up her SHIELD, the thing GUARANTEED to keep her safe, SHE CALLS CHARLIE? You mean to tell me, she has enough 'concerntration' to see a car come to a screeching halt, bad guy popping out, then decide to do something that requires 3 steps, instead of something that require a single-THOUGHT?! Really?
If people can't write with or around characters with abilities, THEN DON'T USE THEM! leave the abilites for those with 'IMAGINATION!' ...Simple! Because look at the size of these ridiculous plot holes that you had to create, trying to 'force' this story to work. It was all ridiculous.
| TrillionSchiffer chapter 4 . 1/17/2020
Honestly Bella sounds like a true idiot about herself. I'm with Edward. she cant be that naive.
| Guest chapter 27 . 1/13/2020
Beautiful fanfic, thanks
| Caroleg chapter 17 . 6/23/2019
| Guest chapter 10 . 12/11/2018
Rosalie was so out of line. Why doesn’t anyone correct her? I’m glad Edward stood up for Bella but the others should have too. They let her be so rude to Bella and make excuses.
| Guest chapter 4 . 12/10/2018
I would find it so frustrating how they're talking about her as if she's not there, talking over her, and just expecting how to know what they're talking about as if they didn't just pluck her out of obscurity. Have they only been around each other for so long that they don't know how to deal with other people? The laughing is irritating too, almost as bad as the hostility from Edward and Rose. They only know so much about their own gifts and the Volturi because they have each other, and they only have each other because of Alice. Bella is handling it better than I would because I'd leave. I guess she doesn't have much of a choice.
| Guest chapter 3 . 12/10/2018
Lol I'm glad Bella had Rose take a seat, she needed to. Must she be so rude? No need to be so smug either when Bella is not trying to be competitive. But c'mon, how did Bella not know what projection meant? It's not hard to figure out especially after Rose just appeared behind her.
| PuzzlePerfect9 chapter 27 . 11/16/2018
i really liked this story! i've really been into supernatural stories lately and loved this! sad its over and was so short. i would have loved to see at least a little of their future together.
| mazes chapter 1 . 7/13/2018
is there any edward pov? . if yes where can i find it
please help me
| Allear chapter 24 . 5/27/2018
Ok pretty good, but I must say that without the additional EPOV chapters I wouldn't have seen the love story at all, it felt very sudden and uncalled for (although quite expected of course).
| Guest chapter 3 . 1/17/2018
Ugh the Jane situation is a perfect example of Alice being too pushy and manipulative, trying to push him onto her when he has no real attraction to her besides him feeling lonely. I hate when she’s written like that but I’m glad she learned from that and I love this story. Demetri and Felix are the worst! How can the Volturi expect people to join them when their recruiters are so unpleasant and taunt the people they’re trying to convince. They need to be more like a cult and shower the people with love and acceptance, rich beyond belief! Not threats and violence lol! :)
| Guest chapter 18 . 1/17/2018
Ugh the Jane situation is a perfect example of Alice being too pushy and manipulative, trying to push him onto her when he has no real attraction to her besides him feeling lonely. I hate when she’s written like that but I’m glad she learned from that and I love this story. Demetri and Felix are the worst! How can the Volturi expect people to join them when their recruiters are so unpleasant and taunt the people they’re trying to convince. They need to be more like a cult and shower the people with love and acceptance, rich beyond belief! Not threats and violence lol
| Rose chapter 27 . 9/22/2017
Such a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing!
| x AnneCullen x chapter 27 . 6/12/2017
I loved reading Edward's perspective. Some things were much clear and easier to understand through his thoughts. It was a wonderful experience to read this. I really hope you will think about completing the rest of the chapters from Edward's perspective.
| x AnneCullen x chapter 17 . 6/11/2017
It was such a wonderful story. The plot was very interesting and it was beautifully written. This is one of the best stories I have ever read. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing it.