Reviews for Final Thoughts
DracaDelirus chapter 1 . 3/21/2010
Hi! You were right, I didn’t really know for sure what was going on without knowing the story it was based on. But I can give you some of my impressions anyway. First, I want to say that I think you did a good job of writing it. I think it was probably a difficult assignment to write. I did see a couple of small typo’s and a few places where the past tense changed to present when maybe it shouldn’t have, and a couple of sentences that weren’t complete, but really not too much of those sorts of things at all. Secondly, I want to say that I like how you write. You put a lot of feelings into it so it makes me want to read the rest even though I didn’t really know who the characters were.

I know you said that the story you had to read for your class (that this piece had to be written on) was supposed to be a comedy about a mortuary that told about sad things in a funny way. But I thought this piece was really sad all the way through and not funny at all. I especially felt very sad for the person whose point of view it was. And even though your title was ‘The Loved One’, I don’t think she really felt loved at all. (I am thinking it was a girl, am I right?) There seemed to be three men who all said they cared for her but in different ways (BTW – is that why the original story was called Brideshead Revisited? Because she was almost a bride and was thinking back in her head about the men she didn’t marry?) Anyway three men: Mr. Slump (aka Guru B aka Guru Brahmin aka Popjoy?) who was like a kindly older mentor and someone she thought she could trust, and someone named Mr. Joyboy who was American who would have liked to made a life with her but was too shy to really say so, and someone named Dennis who was English who only pretended to be nice at first but who was really mean and said things to her to make her feel bad about herself and would have hurt her and hit her and cut her and beat her up and maybe even kill her if she did something he didn’t like. But I don’t think that Mr. Joyboy being American and Dennis being English really had anything to do with why they were the way they were. Aren’t people just people no matter what country they are from? And there are some nice and some bad and some in between everywhere? So I think that was from the original story and how that other author described them.

The girl started out saying she was confused and had questions that no one would answer. But I think that is because the questions she had, what it was her heart wanted, was a question that no one but herself could answer. Doc has told me that, and I suppose that is true of fictional characters too. And the story was like she was writing it down in a diary to try and sort things out. By the end of the story she thought she found her answer in her thoughts but I think it was the wrong one. I think that because she made it sound as if all the bad things that were happening to her were only because there was something wrong with her and nobody else. But she even said ‘Everything I liked about him was stolen from someone else.’ (BTW I thought that was the best line in the whole story! It was VERY descriptive and had a lot of meaning in just a few words! Good job! :) Anyway, she admitted that she knew Dennis was a liar, and she still thought it was her fault, as if somehow if she hadn’t been so naïve he wouldn’t have had to lie to her. But Doc told me that just not knowing about something doesn’t make it your fault that you don’t know, so that is wrong that she felt that way about herself. Anyway that probably made her question if Mr. Joyboy hadn’t lied to her as well, or maybe she just didn’t trust any of her own judgment about people when she found out her mentor had let her down too, and he wasn’t who she thought he was either. But Doc says that sometimes people will only show you things about themselves that they want you to know on purpose, but that doesn’t mean that you are stupid or it is your fault for not knowing the rest that they are not letting you see.

I was sad that your character didn’t have someone like Doc to talk to that would have told her those things because I think your character decided the only way to be free of all the deception and hurt was by committing suicide when she said ‘In the morning I’ll be free’, and that the story was really a note she was leaving behind to explain why. But that is wrong to feel like that is an answer, I know that because Doc keeps telling me that no matter how bad things are in the moment you are stuck in or the moment you are remembering, you have to remember that that moment won’t last forever and focus on the fact that there will be another moment after the one you are in where it won’t be the same. And that is what you have to hold on to, that things change, maybe not the way you want or the way you expect, but they WILL change, and then you will have a new moment.

Haha! Speaking of Doc I have to go now and talk to him for a while! He is peeking his head out the door and looking full of coffee! Bye!

P.S. I hope that your teacher changes her choice of stories so there is a possibility that the next story you have to read for your class is something much happier! :)