|Reviews for Ruinous|
| Aronim chapter 4 . 4/22/2012
Your story doesn't feel like the source material, I can't seem to decide whether Kim and Ron are massively OOC or not, you have numerous mistakes like missing a crucial word in a sentence or having a word too much in a sentence and you can't shift from past to present tense without any rhyme or reason whatsoever.
The darker and edgier style also seems very jarring at times, especially when Jason shows up.
On the other hand, this is still great fun to read. The four new characters are great fun, very well written, and Ron's narrative, OOC or not, is great and snarky. And Jason is of course still a far cry from the complete nutjobs Khorne worshippers usually are.
It's interesting to see people embody the traits of the Chaos Gods, without them being complete ass holes and actually being nice people.
You especially managed to make Eddie actually seem like the character he is supposed to be. He is funny and charming and really embodies the qualities of "Grandfather Nurgle".
A suggestion on the tense: write it all only in present tense, that would fit in fine with the style you've got going.
I have no idea where you were taking this, but if you ever update, I'll find out.
| Lasaka123 chapter 4 . 4/16/2012
This is a great story, i like how he struggled to get through the door. In fact i like just about everything, except MAKE HIM GO TO CHAOS!
| Meko Ka-liko chapter 4 . 4/11/2012
Awww hope you'll continue this story soon
| Blazes chapter 4 . 1/31/2012
I really like how you making Ron a character with a history away from Kim, so sorry to see your no longer updating, but I love your work.
| FuryouMiko chapter 4 . 12/17/2011
A year and a bit isn't too long to hope that you update this eventually, is it?
Definitely want to see more of Vanessa, and I'm dying to learn about the fifth. Have been since it was mentioned there were six, rather than four.
| Peanuckle chapter 4 . 11/27/2011
Every chapter of this story is gold. Such a delightful twist on the "normal" KP, and the explanation of Ron's abilities...
But it was the description of the Chaos Gods, and their philosophies, that made this story perfect for me. They are the reflection of life, and everything in it. Despair AND love, hate AND honor, trickery AND hope, lust AND love. It's so easy to fall into "main burn kill" that people forget Chaos is all-encompassing. It's a religion of individuals, where you form your own style of faith.
I wish you luck in finishing your other stories (I'm going to pick up "In Flight" after I type this review), and hope that you get to this one soon after.
I see that the last could really put an effort into bringing Ron back to the group, making every promise and every threat, but no matter what Ron defends himself with, no matter what points of argument, the fact stands that he sold his soul. Chaos owns him, and he is bound to answer their call. That Kim is finally being open with him will be a horrible, horrible wound in both their hearts when the gods finally demand his service.
| cyrgon0 chapter 3 . 11/14/2011
One more thing, that I forgot to add in the previous review.
I can definitely see the seeds of where Those Who Love Monsters in this work. Nice job. I had to keep myself from falling into the misconception that the 1st person POV was from Koyomi's POV, and that Kim wasn't Medaka.
Really nice, man.
| cyrgon0 chapter 4 . 11/14/2011
You know, I have no idea what made me pick this up. I've glanced over the titles of your KP works at least a hundred times before now, on my way to Hill of Swords or In Flight, or on my way to rereading Destiny for the millionth time.
I don't know why I did so, having only seen at most maybe five minutes of a single episode, but I picked this up.
I should have known that it wouldn't have been a standard, conventional story-that you'd have added your own twist to it, complicating matters in such a convoluted way that the linear plot of the source material suddenly became a convoluted mess of possibilities. You seem to have a knack for it, man. You made a thrilling, completely captivating story from characters that I didn't know existed, crafting a story using bare minimums of WH lore to tailor this story into something incredible, and amazing.
It's been some time since the last update-I know that it's almost been a year and a half. However, no matter how long it takes, I'll be looking forward to seeing how you choose to conclude this. Just as you promised yourself to finish In Flight, I'll continue to trust those words that you put down on paper so long ago in your first foray into fanfiction-that you swore to yourself that you would 'finish what you start'.
Sir, I salute you for your time, effort, and most of all, your talent with the written word.
| Samuez chapter 4 . 10/30/2011
Sorta horror slash drama rather than Adventure. I don't see Adventure at all...-_-
| Sileadh chapter 4 . 10/2/2011
You have managed to make the first person viewpoint work. Ron's character is understandably well fleshed out; I think that Kim's character needs a bit of a leg up though. I must admit that I miss not seeing her thought processes, especially in chapter 4. I'll admit that most of this comes from the end of chapter 4; Kim's actions at the end coming as a bit unexpected.
Your spelling and grammer are up the there usual standards. By which I mean that they're good.
You paragraphing is spot on, enabling me to easily breeze through the prose without impediment. As is your balance between descriptions and dialogue.
I'm not an avid viewer of Kim possible, but from what I've watched your portrayel of Ron's original personality blends well with the adaptations you've made to account for the cross-overs darker, more serious setting.
Well with the somewhat mediocre and mishmash review over with I can get onto the informal stuff.
I love the combination you have going here, it's rather unique insofar as I know. I like the way you've split the scenes for his meeting with each champion into its own chapter.
I love how they were each introduced in a way that fits their individual theme, twisting normal everyday occurances to depict them. To my mind it makes it much more natural.
It's been killing me trying to come up with ideas on what you plan to do in the next chapter, and while lots of possible events spring to mind I can't for the life of me decide on anything that could be even remotely concrete.
"It is a good pain" :p
In the interest of remaining none-whiny/needy I can only give you my best wishes. I will get around to reviewing your other stories. I would have to read up on correct reviewification technique. Otherwise I would not do your two mammoth stories justice.
Taa-taa for now.
| GoldScarb chapter 4 . 9/26/2011
Hey, this is awesome. I haven't seen a combination of Warhammer Chaos with anything done this well. The only problems I have is the seperation between scenes and the fact that this hasn't been updated in a while
| chuckikillu112 chapter 4 . 6/20/2011
UPDATE this masterpiece!
| Morality0duality chapter 4 . 6/17/2011
You have managed to use the gods of chaos in a manner that is not entirely Grimdar chaotic evil and wrote and excellent paring story bravo bravo. 10/10
| Bagget00 chapter 4 . 5/15/2011
Seriously, you need to finish this story.
| FatManDan chapter 1 . 5/5/2011
Blood for the Blood God!