Reviews for A New Sky |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Ahhh, these two lovely ladies.. 3 I like their friendship here, the way they're establishing the boundaries of their relationship. The writing's a little awkward at times, but doesn't interfere with the story for the most part. I really like the line "if only the stars are our audience" (and the ending-singing each other's songs. 3) |
![]() ![]() ![]() Well, well, soldier... This was sweet. Oh so very sweet! LOL at Sheryl being so proud. LOL And of course, *A* at Ranka being SO cute, despite growing up. *A* And then...X3 That sure is one satisfyin' ending! (Leans back in his chair) Lovely. *O* Good work, Marine! Semper-Fi! Carry on! See you next deculture! |
![]() ![]() ![]() hmm, i was kinda disappointed that Alto was still include, but ah what the heck, beggars can't be choosers :) still, i enjoy it, if it wasn't what i expected XD |
![]() ![]() ![]() That was really well done. I can see both aspects of it (Ranka/Sheryl and Ranka/Alto/Sheryl) as you said in your summary. It's nice to see a good triangle-fic where there isn't a clear winner, but the end is still satisfying. In the Sheryl/Ranka aspect, I like how it's not blatant, and is acceptable for the reader who isn't into those sorts of couples, but it's still there for those of us who prefer that pairing. As for the writing, you make good use of detail. Grammar is pretty good for the most part, the only thing you might want to watch is comma use (her gaze a little scared(,) but direct.) and this phrase here (Since the battles had ended,) feels a little awkward, but I think it's correct, so that part is okay. Watch this one (Ranka was still flustered, but more and more Sheryl could see that there was a new determination beneath that.) too, since it also reads somewhat awkwardly. The only other thing I would mention is (when Alto came out looking for Sheryl, he found the two of them) which should say "Ranka" somewhere in there to avoid confusion. Overall, I really liked this oneshot. Keep up the good work! |