|Reviews for A Different Life|
| CalamityJim chapter 6 . 12/8/2010
This is alright but something you can do to give it a bit more pop is try exploring the external world. What do the characters see? Hear? Smell? You have their five senses to draw off of so don't limit yourself to 'this is what I think' and 'this is what I hear'.
For example. You Wrote:
The car ride back to our motel was quiet. Sam had found a clean rag in the back of the Impala, and it was now pressed against my still bleeding cheek. I was hoping it wasn't real deep, because I didn't want to deal with getting stitches. I glanced at Sam, and knew that he was upset by the way he looked. His face was stony, and a glint of pain was back in his eyes as he kept them on the road.
A way to jazz this would be:
The car ride back to our motel was quiet, the growl of the engine trying to fill the silence. Sam had found a clean rag in the back of the Impala, and the rough blue fabric was now pressed against my still bleeding cheek, halting the warm trickle that had been running down my face. It didn't stop the metallic smell of my own blood from reaching my nose. I wrinkled it, trying to block out the sound. It set off another twinge in my cheek. I was hoping it wasn't real deep because I didn't want to deal with getting stitches.
Do you see the difference? By exploring the senses you give the audience more room to imagine, plus you help build characterization. Is the character in pain? Do they push through it or do they use the burn to motivate themselves? Do they focus on smell or sight? Do they see the big things, like colors and cars, or are they caught by tiny details, like a crack spidering through the windshield?
Try exploring the world through your character. It will give us a way of better exploring your character without you having to tell us things.
So as I said, this is good, but with a bit of window dressing it could be amazing.
| CalamityJim chapter 1 . 12/8/2010
I have to admit, I translated this story summary into "What if season 4 hadn't sucked?"
| Superdani4Ever chapter 10 . 11/15/2010
I finally RE read it!
my question is,are you going to keep their story trough season 5?because Becky was very funny and i'd liek to see her and Alayana togather
| OctoberFall1992 chapter 11 . 5/28/2010
Great job loved the story :)
| angeleyenc chapter 11 . 3/17/2010
I loved it!
| Rickii101 chapter 10 . 3/17/2010
I loved this story and I'm so excited for the sequel!
| You'reWrongI'mRIght chapter 10 . 3/17/2010
aw they are such a cute couple! 3
| samgirl19 chapter 10 . 3/17/2010
oh ruby ruins everything and sam is going to lose alayna with what he is doing and i dont want their relationship to end but it will with what is going on and what will happen and lol u have spring break next week so do i college is so stressful and alot of work
| samgirl19 chapter 9 . 3/17/2010
omg dean came back and lol got punched by alayna and poor girl she is jealous of sam and dean brotherly bond and oh please dont let her leave i like her and i like the sam and alayna relationship so please dont let her go
| samgirl19 chapter 8 . 3/17/2010
aw sam and alayna are now an item or now boyfriend and girlfriend but it could last or it will not once u bring ruby into the pic
| moviegeek03 chapter 10 . 3/17/2010
Absolutely loved this story! The interaction with Dean was priceless! Wonderful writing. Can't wait to read the sequel :)
| Eternal Chronicler chapter 9 . 3/17/2010
so far so good...I have to probably go back and review some of the others but wow...
| angeleyenc chapter 8 . 3/16/2010
atta boy sammy! plz update!
| Eternal Chronicler chapter 8 . 3/16/2010
wow there's no limit now that dean's not there to give him hell. The reigns are lost...XD...
just giving you a hard time...good job!
| Eternal Chronicler chapter 7 . 3/16/2010
Just hope Sam doesn't trip over his own two feet over this! Since after all he's kind of a nervous wreck when it comes to girls...