|Reviews for Fire and Ice|
| DoceoPercepto chapter 3 . 4/18/2011
You need to continue this... yeah? :D
| laurexine flight chapter 3 . 11/28/2010
yay! an update! thank you! I can't wait for more!
| DoceoPercepto chapter 2 . 11/12/2010
Chapter 2 review! Erm, in the very first sentence talking to your readers, sence... yeah. Ha, typical of Stan to set Madril on fire XD Anyway, to the review.
careful to step over the sleeping demon., When arriving to their room (comma and a period after demon)
If seemed to be a strange place, with many people with different cultures. Sometimes people would bring back a thing or two. (people twice in consecutive sentences - cuz I'm picky)
and the Highlands where always foggy (were instead of where)
That's it. (Shouldn't there be a question mark after it?)
the fog faded to revel a small town at the end of the bridge (reveal)
Rosalyn huffed and walked in front of him ... She huffed, crossing her arms (perhaps a different word since it is repeated?)
"I'll just go off the the new country, (two the's)
Again, a little more detail wouldn't hurt. But otherwise, good! :D Both were in-character, and I can totally imagine the two acting like that (heh, oh no Rosalyn, he wouldn't get rid of you that easily. *manipulation*)
Hmm, I didn't see any other mistakes. :)
| DoceoPercepto chapter 1 . 11/11/2010
Mwahahaha bring in the artillery! Prepare to have every teeny tiny mistake pointed out.
And there it was number 309. (Colon between 'was' and 'number')
The door opened slightly, reviling a golden eye behind a chain. (revealing)
"Who else would come around your place (um. question mark and ")
I flared up. "He AGREED to is you idiotic... ('is' should be 'it')
I put my arms on either side of her shoulder and leaned down near her face. (shoulders)
Walking slowly to the facet, she filled the glass with water, (Facet means one side of many. Faucet is like a sink faucet.)
Walking slowly to the facet, she filled the glass with water, the rushing water the only sound in the room. (Semi-colon between 'water' and 'the' instead of comma)
especially when you over react (overreact is one word)
She blushed a deep red, the first time I had ever seen her do that (semi-colon)
"Hello?" Rosalyn listen for a moment (listen needs to be past-tense)
"You are official my prisoner (officially)
This was going to be a good night (period nazi!)
As for the story itself, it was very good and to the point, but kinda lacking in detail/description/depth, which would help to give image, since there is a lot of dialogue. The characters are pretty in-character (although Stan being a little more... affectionate in his words was slightly unusual *alcohol children. This is why you don't drink it*)
. Overall, I like it a lot (even if my comments sound otherwise). Hehe it made me laugh. I'm curious to see how this will turn out...
Well, onto chapter 2!
| Kanna-Dono chapter 2 . 8/5/2010
Write more, and have me beta. I LOVE BEING A GRAMMAR NAZI.
And I love you, Tsu-Tsu. You're getting a new fic instead of the old one. Because. I say so.
Get back from Band Camp sooon!
| The Genius Mage chapter 2 . 6/28/2010
Haha amusing. XD Love that. Their banter is very entertaining.
Er-my turn? Oh. Crap. Ah well I guess I can go try and write the chapter later, but it's 1:33 AM and I'm not quite that desperate to get past the massive writer's block for Temporal Paradox.
*grabs Ari* We need your Gear Sword! Break that writer's block down!
Anyway. Yes, Rosalyn, you SO don't want to be seen emerging from a hotel room, of all places, with King Stan. *Snickers*
| Scorpiofreak chapter 1 . 4/18/2010
I like it please update soon
| Spirit chapter 1 . 3/25/2010
Update soon! Love the idea for this story!
| karabear89 chapter 1 . 3/24/2010
Wow! This was really good. I really REALLY hope you keep on writing this one. I mean I cant wait for the next chapter .
| sarota peech chapter 1 . 3/19/2010
Hahaha. this is epic. I hope you continue it cause i totally want more. I can totally see this happening. Plus, Stan drunk is a highly entertaining mental picture.
| The Genius Mage chapter 1 . 3/17/2010
*waves* You requested a R&R and a short story, right? Here's the R&R, and the StanxRosalyn short story will be no problem. I was planning on doing one soon anyway! It may take me a few days to plan it, but I'll get it up for you. Promise~. I'm behind on a lot of my stories right now...
Anyway. Only thing I noticed about the first person-and I totally respect you for doing first person of all things, I find it hard-was here:
She nearly screamed, striding towards *him* as the rage settled in.
Should be: She nearly screamed, striding towards me as the rage settled in.
Er-what else? Some minor typos...with one being "Stanly" instead of "Stanley".
Only other thing I have to add that's important is detail. There's very little to no detail on the environment, and I'm a total detail Nazi. XD
Right! Constructive criticism aside, I think it's hilarious. Stan's a rather wild person, and he's probably prone to abruptly switching from one tactic to another, and that includes how he handles Rosalyn. The idea of his kidnapping her to spare her the agony of going scouting with the stalker mage is hilarious.
Rosalyn's reactions are also amusing, with the utter fear of the stalker mage being one of them. I'm surprised she went ANYWHERE without her rapier and umbrella...but I suppose that's okay, even though her shadow is what freaks her out the most in public.
Lengthy review aside, I like it. Very entertaining. Not a lot of multi-chapter StanxRosalyn fics...in fact, I don't know any. Nice work so far!