|Reviews for The Beast Within|
| Nastrandir chapter 11 . 5/14/2010
Ah, Gann. I love him and his snarky, smug sense of humour.
Your pacing is lovely, and Leela is so relateable, despite being a genasi (that's a personal quirk of mine...I tend to gravitate away from non-human protagonists for some inexplicable reason). So far I most like the way she interacts with Safiya. Though I loved how Leela's skin is nearly the same shade as Gann's - that is ridiculously cute.
Weaving in the memories works really well - her past is so sad though. The spirit-eating curse is horrible, and you portray it so insidiously.
What works really strongly is how Leela's past - like how she's seen worse things - affects her. Given that she was betrayed by Bishop, it'll be interesting to see how things go with Gann, if you're planning on going that way.
The only nitpicky thing I could think of is have an extra look for spelling and so forth.
Apologies for the huge splurge of words...I figured I'd comment on all 11 chapters at once. Keep writing :)
| BlueRoseofWinter chapter 6 . 5/12/2010
I have read up to this point (so far) and I really like how you write. You write very descriptively and I especially liked the parts about the descriptions of the masks on the Veil Theatre and the shadow stone. I also loved how you portrayed the hunger when it first emerged with in Leela. It gives the story more realism and depth than I have seen in some other stories and the game itself. Some spelling/grammar is off, but it is nothing too major, just sometimes a little confusing.
Also, I feel I should point out that Safiya, being a wizard of Thay, does not cast healing spells. But anyways, it isn't anything too disconcerting.
Overall, great writing style and I like how you make the story flow. I will read more and once I do, will review again.
Great job! Keep it up! :)
| Chrissy chapter 1 . 5/11/2010
I just felt like leaving a comment after seeing that you only got 3 Reviews so far. Which is pretty sad, considering just how awesome your story, at least in my opinion, is.
I haven't really liked the MotB storyline that much, no wonder, seeing how I am a faithful Bishop fangirl :P
But, I must admit, your story is really catching. I love how you fit in memories of the KC's past, making her much more vivid and believable.
So yea, I just wanted to drop some more encouragement here. Keep on going, I'm thrilled to read more. :)
| voltagelisa chapter 11 . 5/11/2010
I have to say this is your best chapter so far. I love the ending the way you did the memory of her past. Keep it up and I can't wait for another chapter.
| Arc Ascendent chapter 9 . 4/25/2010
This certainly is an interesting story. I've seen few stories made about Mask of the Betrayer, which is a shame because, as this story shows, it certainly could be crafted into a very fascinating exploration of character. I mean, you've lost everything and find yourself in a new place with new people-what would that make you feel? You've certainly made a good start in setting it out.
I especially adore your memory scenes with Bishop...so unspeakably romantic! I like how methodical you are too, with all the quests set out it really allows you to enhance characterisation not only of your likeable and funny KC but also of her companions. I'll be waiting to see how Gann shakes things up in the party.
There are some small errors here and there, nothing too serious. You might want to check things over one more time.
| voltagelisa chapter 2 . 3/19/2010
I like the story so far, I hope to see more.