Reviews for Shawn Spencer Saves the World
Guest chapter 2 . 8/5/2014
Yeah! I love it!
Wildwing chapter 4 . 7/15/2013
Love this fanfic! Can't wait for the next chapter! :D
Madistar411 chapter 4 . 6/14/2013
Love it!
WildWildWhovian chapter 4 . 2/20/2013
(Oops, ran out of onwards!)
The Wild Wild Whovian chapter 4 . 2/20/2013
Wow, it wasn't hard to peg her as the alien, was it? I got a kick out of the reference to the Judoon (boy, are they thick!). Poor Shawn, though, stuck in the back seat between the two aliens. *snicker*

And... onward!
The Wild Wild Whovian chapter 3 . 2/20/2013
Pineapple print Hawaiian shirt... Well, my daughter told me to be watching for the appearance of a pineapple, one way or another. Well played!

Ooo, the game's afoot! Very much enjoying this; very entertaining turns of phrase going on!
The Wild Wild Whovian chapter 2 . 2/20/2013
I like. I like the phrases your characters turn and the attitudes - which, as far as I can tell having only seen bits and pieces of Psych, seem to be spot on.

Onward...
The Wild Wild Whovian chapter 1 . 2/20/2013
Well, this time instead of giving you the stream of consciousness review, I've been reading select portions (adding up to nearly half the chapter, I'd estimate) to my daughter, who is a fan of both the Doctor and Psych.

Very enjoyable chapter! You had me well before the big rubber monster suit.

Onward!
HaiJu chapter 4 . 2/18/2013
Eeenteresting.

This is a little far afield for me, since I only have the most casual acquaintance with both these shows, but it kept me interested and amused.

Let's break this down a bit:

Likes!

- Shawn's discovery of the Tardis. You rationalized *why* he would see it and made it an event in itself and a chance to characterize him and really drive home the "not noticing" thing, not just a necessary step in the crossover process. Nicely done.

- The hyper-focused details, like the cuticles of the nails, etc. Really gets across that "zooming in" peculiarity of Shawn's special brand of observation.

- You seem to have everyone pretty well in character as far as thoughts and actions go. I don't have much knowledge of Dr. Who, but that cocky way of flinging around exotic alien terms feels like the bits I remember seeing. Shawn's inner voice isn't quite as silly as I'd imagine it, but you nail the detail flipping and you have that great balance with him and Gus of antics and more sincere detective work.

- You have a solid start for a plot here. Murder victim/alien problem is a perfect excuse for these odd couples to join forces.

Critiques!

- In a few places I felt like Spencer's dialogue was a little too deliberate for his very silly, upbeat personality. Loosening it up and making it more casual/colloquial would make him feel more natural and IC. So maybe instead of:

"You only leave it in one place all the time because you do not have the superior powers of observation necessary to simply remember where it fell. Really, though, come over here and look out the window."

"You only leave it in one place all the time because you don't have superior powers of observation and can't remember where it fell. Seriously dude, focus. Come over here and look out the window."

I know "dude" is a little archaic itself, but pretty sure I've heard Shawn say it at least a couple times on the show. Hrm. It's hard, because you *almost* have it. I just want it to be a touch more authentic, if that makes sense.

- Imho you focus too much on the Rose/Doctor relationship. While this is definitely something Shawn would notice, he wouldn't be dwelling on it every time he looked at them. He would probably classify it as "known information" and move on, don't you think? Aside from the occasional mocking jab at that knowledge (like Miss Obviously Taken, that was nice).

- While the flashback right at the beginning was adorable, it didn't have much to do with how the episode's been playing out except to note that Shawn is observant. Of course he's observant. That's the whole point of his series. If you're following the Psych episode formula, the childhood flashback will have something thematically to do with the story to follow. So Shawn and his dad having an argument on whether aliens exist, or on making assumptions about relationships based on the surface appearance, or heck, dealing with annoying tourists, would fit better and maybe even help give your story more coherence.

On plot:

I'm not sure exactly what you were asking. I think so far it works and seems interesting. I like the glimpse of alien fueds you give us, and Shawn's announcement that the hit might have nothing to do with the alien after all is intriguing.

You could take this in a number of directions. I think making it 100% unrelated to the aliens wouldn't be as interesting, but involving the alien in the original human's more complex relations and making that a factor sounds awesome. Maybe when he picked up the old human's mannerisms (via brain eating, yech) he picked up some of his loyalties and affections, too. Maybe the very act of donning the suit created a conflict of interest in the alien's brain. Many possibilities here.

My advice would be to figure out where you want to end it, then work back from there and create a framework you can follow as you write the rest of the fic. Mystery writers often plot this way, because it's a lot easier to come up with a difficult murder and then create all the foreshadowing threads that lead up to it than it is to try to tie a bunch of seemingly random threads into a believable murder.

Logic holes:

- People seem to be taking the discovery of an alien relatively calmly. I can't believe *somebody* out of the police staff that recorded the crime scene or passerby or whoever discovered the body hasn't caused a ruckus about it, rubber suit rationale or not. But then again this seems to happen semi-regularly with no major to-do in Dr. Who's world, so maybe you can get away with it.

- This Raxi-whatever is a freakin' huge alien with deadly claws. Why didn't it shed the human suit and defend itself against its attacker? Though the shots could have been done at a distance, that kind of methodical hit pattern implies a non-moving target. These discrepancies could play into your solution, though.

In conclusion:

You have the intellectual side of this down pat. You have solid grammar and spelling, you know both fandoms, you're sharing screen time pretty evenly considering the exclusive Shawn POV, everyone's acting in character, the mystery is interesting and plausible enough to work.

What I would challenge you on is really capturing the bounce and energy of both these shows in your narrative. Your writing is good, but for this type of crossover it just seems too...I dunno, serene. That's a strength when you're creating all these precise observations, but you lose the more casual flavor in the wording. Mix it up a little. Use crisp, short sentences mixed with comically rambling ones. Go for more colloquial wording and bright, vivid imagery.

I dunno, I don' t want to confuse you with vague wants I'm not sure how to describe. At any rate, hopefully at least some of this is helpful. Good job on the crossover, I think it's well worth finishing.

I wish you the best of luck!

-Hj
Off Sute oerhsgywsysgagsgagaga chapter 1 . 2/18/2013
Hello,

A fanfic about Psych! I stumbled across it. Here is my review:

Okay, not a bad start, it's pretty good. "Shawn was four years old" is an example of passive voice. Maybe, phrasing it differently would be better. Like for example: Four years old Shawn ...

Ooh, loved the realistic description. "Satio" You mean Station? The dialogues are strong, and really contributed to the story. Henry always wanted Shawn to be a detective, doesn't he? Ha-ha.

" He couldn't not notice things." This makes it a negative, was this on purpose? To exaggerate/ emphasis on the topic ?

I loved the way, you emphasis on the description, on how Shawn became the man he is, and how his attention dropped rapidly to new things.

Remembering his childhood is actually helping him solve the puzzle. It's interesting how you managed to keep the characters in character. Gus and Shawn are being the idiots that they truly are. I wished I could have given you a longer review.

Best Regards,

Teshia14.
mikehuber chapter 1 . 2/18/2013
Review for Shawn Spencer Saves the World : Overall I would say the first chapter looks well laid out you definetly meet the characters involved. Plotwise its the start of the story so not much in the way of it to begin with. The characters are very well described but I feel that some personality descriptions are lacking for the crossover. The tv show crossovers are ones where personality really helps to have people who dont know the character give them a sense of who the character is. The whole flashback was good but I felt that there could have been more interaction with the characters involved in the flashback
Carri007 chapter 4 . 6/29/2012
Excellent story :). I love how the plot's turning out! Just wondering though if you're planning on having the Doctor reciprocate any of Rose's feelings? I guess it's not necessary, but I've always liked Rose and the Doctor together, and it would be kinda pathetic if Rose was doing all her flirting for nothing. Either way, please update soon!
Socdel chapter 4 . 6/17/2011
nice plot
Who's Clues chapter 1 . 4/16/2011
I'm in love with this story so far. Putting the tenth doctor and spencer together is amazing. The end. Also I wanna know what happens next! I read it really fast because I wanted to just keep going so I can't say I have tremendous criticism/praise of your writing but it must be at least acceptable if I'm so excited about the story.
zoe alice chapter 1 . 12/1/2010
*cough*New chapter?*cough* I want to know what happens.
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