|Reviews for After the First Task|
| Guest chapter 19 . 7/31
Pretty good, despite the many grammar errors and missing or incorrect words. Some of your turns of phrase were improper as well. For example, in this chapter you say that exams were cancelled indefinitely, but then say they were going to be rescheduled for later that summer. It can't be both. If they were cancelled indefinitely, they wouldn't be rescheduled.
Still an enjoyable read.
| Guest chapter 15 . 7/31
Don't you think the veil is a bit harsh? Time in Azkaban for sure, but the veil feels like crossing a line.
| Guest chapter 14 . 7/31
Why didn't Dobby get Daphne out of there? How is Snape still a teacher?
| Guest chapter 13 . 7/31
I don't get why he had a meeting with everyone to go over the meeting with Percy. It's not like anything happened, all they did was agree to meet with Fudge in four days. This is also why a line near the end makes no sense. During the meeting with Percy they set up the meeting with Fudge, but at the end of the chapter Harry says that all he has to do is set a meeting with Fudge because they know he'll show. The meeting is already set, what is he talking about?
| Guest chapter 7 . 7/31
Again, you'd forgetting about the little things. When they do target practice, you say the four teens are doing it, then the next line mentions that Harry came in later. That means at first there were only three teens, not four. I'm only mentioning all this because these inconsistencies and missing details are starting to take away from what would otherwise be a very good story.
| Guest chapter 6 . 7/31
You need to slow down and make sure you are getting in the details, and that what you are saying makes sense.
When Harry is talking to Sirius about going to Neville's, all he says is "Hermione and I got a letter asking us to visit him..." You never mention Neville's name. The readers know who you mean, because we know who the letter is from, Sirius, however has no idea who 'him' is referring to.
At the reading of the wills, James leaves everything to Harry, them the goblin says that there's a written copy for other beneficiaries. If James leaves everything to Harry, there are NO other beneficiaries.
It feels like you are rushing to finish this story, like you are getting tired of it and just want it done. It's affecting the quality of your writing, it's starting to go downhill.
| Guest chapter 5 . 7/31
The graveyard scene feels unrealistic. Harry was just under the Cruciatus, I doubt he was able to move, and I highly doubt Voldemort's boasting would be to the point where Harry would be able to sneak away even if he could move.
You seem to be missing some details. Sirius just suddenly shows up in Dumbledore's office? Convenient, especially as this is the first he's been mentioned.
It's canon that Harry gives the twins his winnings in order to start their shop, but in your story, you don't give that motivation, we have no idea why Harry decided to give the twins that much money. You need to fill in the details so people's actions make sense.
| Guest chapter 3 . 7/30
A few more missing and incorrect words, but not enough to really take away the enjoyment of reading the story. Since you know about it now, I won't comment on it anymore, unless it gets much, much worse.
Oh, and I wanted to thank you for making Dumbledore realize that Snape was too biased to be an effective teacher, and that he may have to be replaced.
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/30
You have missing words here and there (you have Minerva telling Filius he should take all the blame, and later on you say that Filius knew Cho was the only tormentor even though he just asked who else), but otherwise it's very good writing.
I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the story.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/30
Thank you for making Dumbledore likeable. I've read so many stories where he's a manipulative SOB that needs Harry with Ginny, it's nice to read one where he's happy that Harry and Hermione are a couple.
| Saissa chapter 19 . 7/27
This was a very nice story - with good winning over evil - just as it should be!
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/23
philosophers stone not sorcerers even if it was made by a sorcerer doesn't mean it was called sorcerers
| Bronze chapter 2 . 7/21
Boy oh boy is this good! Though I am shocked that Dumbledore'd actually even consider sacking Snape! I don't think I've ever read another story where the headmaster did that. Thanks for a) being the first and b) actually writing it.
| Deathday Party Planner chapter 5 . 7/10
Wow! Talk about just rushing to conclusion, you really wanted finished with this chapter! ;) The last little bit where Dumbledore does a mia copa and releases Harry from Durzkaban after revealing the prophesy was very interesting and, I'm sure, helps shape this stories future action. Thank you for sharing your terrific writing!
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/4
What have you done with Dumbledore, and who is impersonating him?
It is really cute how you have Dumbledore try to fix the problems in his school. Unfortunately you don't explain his change in attitude. This would imply that he would have done something sooner, if only he had known. On the other hand, that would mean that not only is Dumbledore blind to what happens at the school, so are the other teachers. Or they knew about the bullying, but didn't report it to Dumbledore. As you explicitly state that at least three teachers were aware of the behavior of Draco, it would follow they didn't report it before, or more likely they did and Dumbledore did nothing about it.
And Dumbledore suddenly cares about Harry's home life? It's not like he didn't have any opportunities before, the Weasley twins broke him out of his room before second year. At the end of book five Dumbledore admitted he was condemning Harry "to ten dark and difficult years", not to mention every summer after that. The only reasonable explanation, especially after book seven, is that Dumbledore wanted a Harry that wanted to die.