|Reviews for Chieftain|
| Kitten Kisses chapter 1 . 5/12/2010
I have kept this open in a tab since you published it, intending to review. I'm always late to the party, or so it seems. (Also, I'm a slacker.)
[Hassan] should be "Hassar".
[It was rumored that Hassan's daughter still dwelt alone at the foot of the mountains, where we had once held undisputed sway.] I really like this because it's how I see Lyn living those six long months after her tribe's destruction. Sure, less than ten people survived (including Lyn, so maybe nine total), but I can't see Lyn going anywhere else. After all, if the bandits attacked and took everything...they'd really have no reason to return. There'd be nothing else for them to take, so she'd probably be relatively safe there.
[She returns to those who hide behind walls of stone] I really like this, too.
This was a pretty good piece, and I actually really liked the point of view it was written from. It's definitely different and fresh! I find a few things a little hard to believe due to their only being about nine Lorcan men/women to begin with, but it was still good.
My only other qualm is that Wallace kills the bandits before Eliwood's/Hector's Story is over, on his own. But I suppose Lyn could be picking up any stragglers- or killing any new faces that dared to show themselves/cause any trouble. (Which would be pretty possible, all things considered.)
And Wallace dancing? Not only is the thought priceless, but I could definitely see him doing that. It's well within his character.
Take care, and sorry about my lame, short review!
| TeaspoonChild chapter 1 . 3/22/2010
Wow, you can write fight scenes well. I'm impressed.