|Reviews for Endless Star Wars|
| Magical Mistress Sarai chapter 1 . 12/30/2010
I'm a BIG star wars fan, so probably choosing to read this wasn't my smartest move... I'm going to skip over alot of my issues with EU continuity and expanded media(because I have a feeling that some of this story is part parody, and I'm going to focus on the things that REALLY matter:
Commas and verb tense... you really need some work on them. I'm going to use your first paragraph as an example:
"The place was a bar in Tatooine. It was not at the centre of the Galaxy[; in fact], Tatooine was a remote, backwater planet featuring mostly sand. [Admittedly], there [were] some interesting wildlife that [made] a [harsh lifestyle out in the desert,] and very occasionally[,] about once every five years[,] there was a spectuar rainstorm in [remote planetary regions where] plants would spectacularly, [if] briefly, [flourish,] which might [be of some] interest [to] botanists[,] but for those [who] lived on it, [and they were the only ones that mattered,] Tatooine consisted of sand!"
As you can see here, I have corrected comma error, verb tense, clause agreement... and made it into a more coherent paragraph. It reads smoothly and it has a better tone for the narrative voice. A great deall of your narrative needs this work.
Also, your dialoge needs quotation marks... not apostrophes.
Other than that, I wish you luck with this fic... and I recommend "The Truce at Bakura" as reading material as it takes place after ROTJ. It's a really good story, and the narrative voice is superb! Plus, it's Star Wars so you're bound to enjoy it! I did. ;)
Best of luck and keep on writing.
| XNemesis chapter 1 . 3/24/2010
Love this. And of course the EU won't ever end.
Well, at least they won't have to deal with Darth Krayt. How did A'sharad Hett magically live like 180 years again? I'm pretty sure humans don't work that way.