|Reviews for The Magician's Secret|
| Rocket Palette Snippet chapter 1 . 12/18/2010
I'm pleased to see a decent P4 story about the implied chemistry between Yosuke and Chie. I would also like to commend you for keeping Rise and Teddie in character. Keep up the good work.
| Anonymous chapter 1 . 11/10/2010
This is interesting. Please keep it up!
| thesavorofpan chapter 1 . 10/6/2010
I really really liked this. I felt every emotion that Chie was feeling until
" Yosuke dared to sit next to her. He would have otherwise kept a very large distance from her, as she had powerful legs and he had a very weak groin area. And when the two collided it resulted in massive amounts of pain." That was a bit of a too big of comic relief for me to handle. Therefore it lost the seriousness afterwards.
But don't get me worng, I love that line. In fact it made my day actually.
| M chapter 1 . 6/19/2010
I was listening to Vertical Horizontal "Everything you want" while reading this,and i found out it matches perfectly with your story! Try it! Try listening to the song while reading this story! ;)
| BonusParts chapter 1 . 4/1/2010
Just found this and - being the Yousuke/Chie fan that I am - I had to review.
Very nice job! I really like the way that you capture the jealousy and angst of a broken heart, without it being so overwhelming (because I don't think that would be like Chie at this stage of her development). Nice eye for details (like about her jacket, and the subtle descriptions of the moments), and a strong sense of story.
The only thing that kind of took me out of the story (although very briefly) is where you step into someone else's head for a moment. Since the story is told from Chie's point of view (at least this first chapter), I think it would be better if we didn't suddenly get insight into Yousuke's thoughts. The Yukiko conversation is a good example of how this can be done: Yukiko "sounds" this or "seems" that...or Chie guesses at her feelings, without the reader being told them. I think that technique would be more conducive to the Chie POV than suddenly jumping into Yousuke's head every once in a while. I know that you're writing from a third-person perspective (and other authors jump around in different heads a lot), but a chapter is really supposed to be taken from one person's perspective: it creates a stronger bridge between reader and character and lets them really commune with each other.
That's not to say that I don't like the story or that I don't think that you've got a great voice - you do! And the subject is one that's dear to my own heart, so I'm really interested to see where you take this.
Great job, and I hope to see more!
| marze09 chapter 1 . 3/27/2010
i like really like the start of your story!
i'm not really fan of the MC in P4 because they are too perfect..
i always think that yosuke and chie looks cute together so as naoto and kanji...
| Seria on Twelve Notes chapter 1 . 3/26/2010
Ya-haw! Read it, love it! Seeing the perspective of the MC's love interest from Chie's point of view is very interesting! Somehow i really dig the 1st chapter! Keep at it can't wait 4 the second chapter yay! :)
| Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 1 . 3/25/2010
BAN DAN, NOT BAD, IT'S GOT ALL MY FAVORITE COUPLES IN IT, AND THE WORDING AND GRAMMER IS NICE AND NOT ALL MESSED UP. I'LL KEEP READING THIS, YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA