Reviews for Man And Wife
chrysant chapter 7 . 2/21/2012
This story is great, but I think Shikamaru and Temari are OOC. Sorry. And hate the idea when Hidan raped Temari, and make her pregnant, but thanks cause you make it a happy ending, it cheers me up :)
SiriusBalisticPretzels chapter 6 . 2/3/2011
the ending made me cry :(
Effie-a chapter 17 . 12/26/2010
Awesome Christmas one shot :D
Sincynati chapter 16 . 10/30/2010
So yeah. I decided to pm you before I checked my email. :P

But this was awesome. /opinion

(I'll be the first to admit I've been procrastinating this review. Maybe if I keep it up it won't end yet. /cheesy)

{"Temari, any child of ours is not going to be quiet. With your genes, the child doesn't stand a chance.}

I swear I laughed out loud.

{"Okay, okay...I agree with you on all of those except maybe the last one. How do you know what kind of voice she'll have?" Shikamaru grinned.

"Have you ever heard our daughter laugh? Or cry? She's loud already, but she makes both sound beautiful," he said. Temari laughed}

Oh, you fixed it since last night! At first it had been confusing to who spoke, but the "he said" clears it up better.

"Unbelievable."

BELIEVE IT!

{"This is perfect. I'd never dreamed of getting married like other girls. A man was an obstruction to my career, you know? But, when I thought about marriage, I thought it'd be dull." Shikamaru laughed.

"With you around? Not a chance!" Temari grinned, and then continued}

Whoops, nevermind. This is the sentence that gets confusing. You have to read it several times to get Temari spoke the first and Shika the second.

{"But still. I'd always thought the romance in books was impossible for me. But here I am, sitting in the forest with the perfect man, and we have two children waiting back at home for us, who are, incidentally, both in need of a bath. I can't believe we're actually married." Shikamaru smirked at her.

"A little late for that, isn't it?" Temari hit him gently, and then stood up}

Dittoed here as well. This could probably be fixed by moving "Shikamaru smirked" down to the "A little late..." paragraph. :)

{"I love you, and I couldn't live without you. Stay with me, forever." The two of the stared at each other for a moment, and then, laughing, the man and his wife began to walk through the forest, towards the life that they were making together.}

Dawwwwwwww.

{So, there you are. So...I'm done. That's it! No more stories.}

:P

{I intend (no promises), to continue it as a series,}

I set it in stone. Here, I'll edit:

{I intend (promise) to continue it as a series,}

Mhmmmm.

Much better. :D

Awesome! Those ideas sound great. You should continue, I will be saddened if you don't. XD I look forward for Masaru being five, and ESPECIALLY a lot of Rei & Shikamaru bonding. Seriously.

Good job with this series, I think it was well done, especially for a first-time fan-ficer. (we need a new term) :)

Looking forward to your other stuff,

Sincynati
Sincynati chapter 15 . 10/6/2010
:D :D:D:D::D:D:D:D:D

Yes I got around to reading it FINALLY. I adore it. I love it. I worship it. Mwhahaha. :)

A few corrections: :)

The A) B) C)'s - place a space between the )'s and the first word.

"Yes. Shikamaru, are you-" He cut her off. How'd he cut her off? With the following sentence, I assume... I think you should probably word that differently. I had to go back and re-read it to double check what happened.

"He and Temari just sat there, staring at eachother. Realizing that they weren't needed/wanted, th eothers quietly left, all except Masaru, who stood between his parents, looking back and forth."

Some mistakes in those sentences- each other, the others. :)

I think that's it as for things that popped out and bugged me... :)

"She is my daughter, no matter who her biological father is. Let me see her."

I cheered. :)

"Okay!" Masaru enthused. He began to run out of the room, then stopped. "Daddy? Are you going to leave?"

Very good wording there. Enthused, I love it. Haha, Masaru is SO adorable. :D

Your long author note was fine. I adore those things. :)

The band sounds awesome! Tell me how yours ends up- I recently got myself involved in one of those things, too, as singer/bassist. Fun, but definitely NOT the best decision I've ever made... I've filled myself up SO much with everything else I barely have time to make myself useful in it, bwah. Best of luck though.

-gasp- YOU ARE? Number two... that's like, really cool. Really really cool. :) Best of luck.

I've actually never heard of this Paper Mario... heh or those others... I'm not a huge gamer, obviously. '

Oh, good, like to hear it. ;) Though, in all honesty, I would of believed you if you pulled the Sophomore victim card (we are, really)

I like the couples idea :)

Update soon. :D Hooray for my long reviews~

-Sincynati
Effie-a chapter 15 . 9/19/2010
It was a long wait but it was worth it! I love your stories they are this best and it was so sad when Shika son said daddy loves mommy now! Your an amazing writer keep up the good work :)
Taryn Streambattle chapter 15 . 9/16/2010
OOh, you're not dead!

HA! So, Daddy's back now.. but I get the feeling that when a certain pair of Sand Nin show up he'll make a huge run for it..

I understand about life- similar bind myself. You absence, though troublesome, is understandable. Don't rush- if we bug you for updates, we're just jerks.

Only things that leapt out at me: The first conversation between Shikamaru ans Temari was complicated, and you misspelt "Penance" Also, would he recover from his hatred so quickly? I think he could,but you need to show it a bit more...

Masaru asking "if Daddy loved Mommy again" was so sad...

Keep up the good work, within reasoning of your RL! Have a good week!
Effie-a chapter 14 . 8/18/2010
Awesome yeah they are back together! Update soon
Sincynati chapter 14 . 8/18/2010
Oh, good! I don't WANT it to end... :D

Oh, no, you shouldn't apologize. We all have a life outside of this computer screen, (at least, I sure hope you do), and if anything I should apologize for taking a week.

He's back with awesome greatness! :D And she's going to make his life hell- what fun! :) Not fun for him, of course, but for me to read... :)

A few punctuation mistakes here are there- nothing a read-through won't miss. Ie, no form of punctuation at all in one place after a sentence, and the second-to last line has a weird form of '",' for his speaking...

Otherwise, I am amazingly happy about the turnout of this chapter. Despite being incredibly in-character and selfish the past chapters (I'm not bashing him, he is my ultimately favorite Naruto character), Shikamaru was awesomely honorable and is now suffering in bed for it! :D

If that makes sense...

Keep writing!

Sincynati.
Taryn Streambattle chapter 14 . 8/17/2010
Wait! What happened to the baby?

And interesting jutsu... Planning to kill anyone?

Hell, huh? Can't wait for that... he deserves every second of it. Keep it up!
GUYFawke chapter 14 . 8/16/2010
Please tell me that child died and Temari won't be affected by it.
Effie-a chapter 13 . 8/14/2010
Amazing !
Sincynati chapter 13 . 8/7/2010
Dear sir,

You do like torturing Temari and making Shikamaru a selfish little... thing, yes?

I love it.

The unfortunate thing, however, is that it's NOT out of character for Shikamaru to behave like that, however tragic it is for his family.

It does work in the short and fragmented way you have it- sometimes, short is better to get the point across. If you had made it longer, it would have just worn us out. Also, since there isn't a whole lot of action, it keeps up on our toes. :)

The interaction you have between Choji and Shikamaru is really good. Thank you for giving Choji gull and not making him the weakling most people do, by the "You disgust me" at the end.

I also like that, whenever he tells Choji off, the dialogue tag says "he cried." It's a nice touch.

During the third break with the break bars, when Temari is five month pregnant, there is a extra bar near the end, cutting through a sentence. That was the only mistake I saw. :)

Thank you, he finally grows a brain and goes to find her! *cheers*

(Not like you need to know this, but I was listening to Dead Inside by Skillet while reading /this/ one, and once again, it seems to fit this perfectly :) At least, I think so. :)

Very good. I can't wait for the next update!

-cheer!- I know what you mean- I'm suffering for WB too. Glad you got over that, I was getting a bit worried...

All your other stories? As in... Well, if you insist... ;)

Angst is good, though. I love angst. :) I relish in this stuff. Very good.
Taryn Streambattle chapter 13 . 8/7/2010
Selfish Shika. The sad thing is, this is actually IC because of his Dratted intellect.

Crap, if you kill that baby you are evil. Keep it up!
Sincynati chapter 12 . 7/26/2010
"Now you'll love me? No, never mind, I just realized what I was writing"

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA

...

I don't know what this will do for you, but I was listening to Whisper by Evanescence while reading this... at at the end part (from when she finds out she pregnant to when he leaves...

/Fallen angels at my feet

Whispered voices in my ear

Death before my eyes

Lying next to me I fear

She beckons me

Shall I give in

Before my death will I give in?

Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet my end/

... I don't know. It was really awesome, listening to that and then reading this.

This. Was. AWESOME.

A few things:

/Akitsuki/

I don't know which version you read, (or watch. Do you read the manga/ watch the anime/ or both?) but I pretty positive the standard for this is "Akatsuki".

/Shikamaru went rigid, and Yoshino took Masaru out of his stiff hands, as her son came to./

Not a run-on, but it's just not... right. The way it's worded has you re-reading it again to get what happened. I think it might work better split into two sentences?

/Sakura paused, she had to get to others.../

A period might work better after the "paused". :)

/In the end, 35 were injured, 7 died, and 8 were raped, before the assailant, who was finally identified as Hidan, made his escape, pursued by crack teams of ANBU./

Maybe somehow identify Hidan in the before sentence, or maybe after? It breaks the flow of this one... :)

/"DON"T YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT I HAVE TO SAY,"/

' ;)

But seriously. This was... wow.

DUDE. Shikamaru... he should totally see that now, NOW is the time Temari needs him MOST. Lord.

I do hope he hasn't left her left her, but like, walking away like, he needs to think.

I do think it would be interesting to see how Hidan's kid turns out. Very interesting indeed... especially since Shikamaru would hate him... hmmm. :)

Question: How is Hidan alive, just curious? I mean, he'll always be "alive", technically, but how did he get out of the thingaling Shikamaru had put him in? Because I like details:)

But this was really good, as usual :) Looking forward to the next chapter! :D Soon, rightt?

Though, of course I'm not complaining! You NEED your sleep xD

Oh, yay for PC's! Mine's in the dumps... aka, broke on me, aka won't turn on no matter what... aka I don't have a computer. Bwahhh. :( random note

Yess updates on the others are good too :)
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