|Reviews for Fate|
| Guest chapter 25 . 12/18/2016
This has promise. Your writing’s interesting, and you have some great ideas. I loved your idea of how Kagome turned youkai because she had a youkai in her line who didn’t dilute their blood in the changed timeline, also the idea of having the future already changed with youkais existing from the start of the story, and Kagome as a strong, powerful, and trained youkai. I just felt that from the second half things were way too overdramatic and we jumped from one extreme to another. Good job on a first story though :)
It’s also a real pity though. It was a good story until halfway but I hated pretty much the whole 2nd half of the story from chapter 15. Hated Koga raping Kagome, mating her and forcing a lifelong bond. It’s great that she fought back but bit shocked that Koga’s dead. Hated that Sess takes another to sate his lust, while his intended's in the next room, and that he’s too intent on pleasure to go save his intended. Felt it got ridiculous when Kagome turned evil. Sess fights with her and calls her “my love” and she finally comes to her senses. I love a slightly OOC Sess who’s open to Kagome but there wasn’t enough developed between them to suddenly jump to that especially with his personality. And in the end, she wished Inu turn into full youkai even when glimpses of Inu showed he was greedy nearing point of evil? And once he turns full youkai, he’s suddenly a good guy? Ladies in waiting given a room next to lady...in the lord’s family’s wing is unbelievable (sorry but by this point things seemed way out there). And give Kagome an orphan baby and she’s fine? Ending also felt abrupt. Too many overdramatic things and oversimplified things happening.
Only put question marks after actual questions - especially in dialogues - as you have a tendency to skip them, and instead wrongly add them to the phrases following questions. Eg “he questioned” or “he asked” are dialogue tags and aren’t a question so there should not a question mark afterwards like “he asked?” but a period like “he asked.” Again, (“…why didn’t you harm me,” she was honestly puzzled?) Should be a period after “puzzled” and not a question mark. Also your actual questions are missing question marks - in same example, there should be a question mark after “why didn’t you harm me” and not a comma. So 1) make sure your questions (have a question mark and 2) the dialogue tag sentence after the question doesn’t contain a question mark unless they are a question - eg should be (“Lady Kagome are you certain?” Miroku questioned.) and not (“…are you certain,” Miroku questioned?). Same thing with your exclamation marks - they should be added to punctuate the actual speech and not added to dialogue tags. Eg should be ("Make this idiot stop firing his stupid staff at me!" she demanded.) and not ("…stop firing his stupid staff at me," she demanded!)
Careful with names. Tokijin not Toiken. Naraku not Nauaku. Kagura not Kaugra. Hakudoshi not Hakadoshi. Also it’s their not there. She wailed not whaled. Its not it’s (for possessives).
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/17/2016
Intriguing idea. Very nicely set up. I'm looking forward to reading this :)
| Rose chapter 20 . 5/26/2016
I just found your story and I really like it. It is very good but, I missed Shipppo's presence.
| Guest chapter 25 . 3/16/2016
this was a story truly worthy of reading and telling many times over. Well done!
| jj chapter 25 . 5/28/2014
Wow your story is amazing thank you
| newanimefan chapter 25 . 4/14/2013
This is one of only two fics where Kagome turned into a demon that I have honestly enjoyed! I love your unique take on how it happened! Thanks for writing this, I enjoyed it immensely!
| LoveInTheBattleField chapter 25 . 3/14/2013
This story was awesome, amazing and it had a beautiful ending!
| Dagger-Seishin chapter 25 . 9/20/2010
hmn i like it. great story :):)
| estelin chapter 25 . 4/30/2010
this was excellent. keep up the good work and writing. i wish there was more
| RainJohnson chapter 1 . 3/27/2010
Daw I just read this today again Daww I love it it made my cry and smile
| mountainflower chapter 25 . 3/27/2010
I was going to leave more reviews but I was so intrigued with the story I didn't want to take the time to stop and leave a review. This is one amazing story, I love the concept you used of her changing the future with her acts in the past fantastic.
| CrescentMoon760 chapter 25 . 3/27/2010
aw!, i, oved, this, storqy!, its, so, cute!
| Yujiro101 chapter 25 . 3/26/2010
aww~ i really cried when kagome was raped...but im glad she could erase that physically but not emotionally...but i feel that its too short~ what about their lemon scene? and their future with each other? will they have kids? i guess writing such a long story drains you huh? it would be nice though~ excellent job~~
| bob chapter 25 . 3/26/2010
| MilitaryGirl2011 chapter 25 . 3/26/2010
dang wow this stroy is awesome I love it ! :P