|Reviews for Renegade|
| Arekanderu chapter 17 . 4/25/2014
| Ganheim chapter 15 . 2/18/2014
Chapter 14 (15)
consequences of disobedience ending in the word "lasers
[I enjoy your sense of humour]
humanity was comfortable with keeping large populations in space
[One wonders why they don’t just start building generation ships]
it reappeared in a burst of Cherenkov radiation
[Your story is unlike Star Trek: the technobable is used correctly]
Its on the far side
[It’s, I believe]
she steppe dup beside
Politicians and military were predators by nature
[Probably more the former than latter, in several senses. Militaries tend to react, politicians tend to act for themselves]
The augmetic arm
a report. Sir."
…hear the "you dolt"
[Shorthand for “With all due respect”]
He kep his voice
alien influence or-
[Missing closing quote marks]
Blunt, tactless statements had their uses
[Yes they do]
splinter sects of the Brotherhood had either reaffirmed their loyalty to Kane or had suffered abrupt, bloody changes in leaderships and then reaffirmed their loyalty
so he could step around obstacles without…banging his shins
[But that is a shin’s function…]
has made reconsider
Such extensive augmentation…was uncommon
[I would think the practicality would’ve started to win out as the centuries ground on]
but its taking time
my weapon everytime
guns tp bring down
Turn you into a giant killer doom cyborg?"
"I doubt it," Shepard said, shaking her head, but made a mental note to ask Tali about the idea
Chapter 15 (16)
and locke dit under
behind visor monocle
frigates moving in picket formation
[I know different countries use this term for a couple stances, I wonder which one applies here]
in his tone..
Pressly, sound general quarters!"
[I wonder what this term would be in a setting where spacers evolved from Air Forces instead of Navies]
come, into the a
[‘the’ or ‘a’, either one seems to fit]
where the orest
with the flat-planed helmets,
[I have seen them for years but never knew what they were called. You learn something new every day]
of the frigate., as
Chapter 16 (17)
features as is
"Vac and mag check
[Clipped and purposeful]
"Carmine? Huh. I thought you were dead
[At least he’s not Ken]
There was a brief, startled heartbeat…
[A door easily walked through]
screeching a glassy howl of fury and pain
out of the ship,
[I thought the idea was complete without the comma]
Carmine was still alive
[I’m not dead yet]
Great writing as always. I like how the story's definitively woven through a C&C vein now, in its beginning it was looking like another ME walkthru. Definitely its own story now.
| Guest chapter 14 . 2/13/2014
The dream sequences just made the chapter kind of hard to read. They weren't bad, just way too long.
| Guest chapter 6 . 2/8/2014
Shepards waayyyy too accepting of Kane. Like it's seriously jarring.
I get that she's skeptic and all but Kane's gotten several hundred million people killed, and risked the total annihilation of the human race, both almost purely out of his personal lust for power and "ascension" whatever the hell that turned out to be.
History can be biased, but it's not THAT biased. Her excuse was flimsy at best.
It's like Hitler just walked up to her and she played nice.
I get disturbing feeling this fic is going to show Kane in a sympathetic light. God I hope not. He's a mass murdering sociopath with a god complex, one of the most infuriating game villains imo. The brotherhood of nod
in the games could be charitably described as a fanatical deranged cult, willing to risk the destruction of the planet for the words of their self proclaimed prophet. Whom I might add they knew almost nothing about. And that's when Kane was actually in charge.
I mean he could barely keep the brotherhood under his command long enough to accomplish his vague goals.
How many times did he get betrayed now? It's a bit jarring that he's actually kept himself as the leader of the brotherhood for now.
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/5/2014
I'm rereading your story after not updating myself after chapter 10 and I gotta say that this is a pretty great fanfic!
You deserve more love, but your target audience is composed of like 600 people...
| Random reader chapter 17 . 1/31/2014
Still reading, Peptuck. Still wishing this universe was one with videogames set in it, the weaponry alone would justify it.
| CMVreud chapter 17 . 1/25/2014
You friggin' cliffing spoilsport.
I want to know what's behind door number three.
| Nerdfish chapter 17 . 1/23/2014
I have a feeling Liara will begin worshiping Sheppard. Not a good sign.
| Nightwing chapter 17 . 1/21/2014
And the cavalry arrives! Whoo! And Shepard baffles Liara by unlocking the door, that cracked me up. The space fighting was awesome! You have an awesome talent for these fight chapters (and all the other chapters)
See you in the next chapter!
An Avid Reader
| Nightwing chapter 16 . 1/21/2014
Ok, what tha crap.. A PROTHEN SHIP! seriously dude, I never get tired of you pulling these crazy ideas out of your oversized hat! The broken prothen ship even makes some sense too!
I assume after this firefight is when wrex and liara will join the specialist team...
Awesome chapter, good writing! See you in the next chapter!
An Avid reader
| Nightwing chapter 15 . 1/21/2014
Ok, I'm back and I find that you've gone and updated 3 new chapters! I reread the first 14 and was as hooked as when I read it the first time, I'm back to playing C&C 3 again as well, lol.
Concerning the spectre party, that was awesome! they share information and decide witch planets need to be blown to smithereens. I did not see Thane becoming a Spectre at all, I'm extremely interested in how he pulled that off.
Also, temple prime... AWESOMENESS! I literally saw a giant space station come through the reley and land on a planet! and before that I was thinking, "What is Nod doing... Whaaaa.. AWESOME!" and the lasers threat was hilarious.
I just realized... Shepard just died (again lol) and they brought her back in a much more believable fashion. Shepard, good to have you back!
And Vega joins the crew! Sweet! Though I am curious is Taylor is still aboard the Normandy.
I can't wait to read the next chapter, The Normandy is off and the real adventure begins!
See you in the next chapter!
An Avid Reader
| HighValour chapter 17 . 1/14/2014
Looking forward to seeing more.
| Eipok chapter 17 . 1/13/2014
Good update speed, and good chapter. This had a little too much combat to keep me interested through all of it, but enough to at least skim the combat sections. More dialogue and worldbuilding next chapter, please?
| Costin chapter 16 . 1/13/2014
Ok, great chapters, great story, you've Nod, GDI and all of that stuff.
However I want to talk about Hackett's plan for all or nothing. Not say it's unrealistic or badly written but launching a full scale attack on the Geth Homeworld with no supply lines and only a single fleet as a rearguard to protect their path of retreat seems risky as hell. It could work but personally I would hope you decide to make them lose with the Geth offering them peace after they've taken a beating...( unless you decided to make all Geth join Saren ), because for all the power GDI has it still a newcomer to the Galactic stage and shouldn't be able to win against the full military might of the Geth.
One of the things that I always have a major issue with regards to fanfictions of Mass Effect is that they take Bioware's idiocy of making humanity a superpower and use it themselves or make humanity even stronger even though they've only started colonizing beyond Sol for just a few decades whereas other species who have been there for centuries and have ( or should have ) a lot more territory and resources have weaker or equal fleets in terms of power/strength? That's bullshit.
I am glad that in your story you made GDI take quite a beating from the Batarians, but I hope they don't win the Verge war Tiberium or not. ( Although granted given the economic strain the council placed on them it would be more understandable ). I would also hope that the Turian/Asari and Salarian fleets are considerably more numerous then the human ones.
Just my 2 cents. Keep up the good work. Also I fucking love your take on Kane.
| Jouaint chapter 17 . 1/12/2014
Great chapter. By the way you may want to introduce some new technology that GDI has developed to counter the Council or any one else.