|Reviews for She's Worth Fighting For|
| lady gaga chapter 3 . 11/5/2010
nice loved it
| lady gaga chapter 2 . 11/5/2010
| lady gaga chapter 1 . 11/5/2010
| patattack chapter 3 . 6/17/2010
Nice story you've got running. Like the interaction between Micheal and Ahsoka. All the rest is good too. Hope to see more!
| Zedax chapter 3 . 4/30/2010
okay that was awesome plz plz plz plz plz plz that was awesome but just a question does anakin or plo koon or any one that ahsoka ti close to come in and does anything big happen to ahsoka I need these question answered plz plz answer and update
| AVP5 chapter 3 . 4/28/2010
Nice joh on the chapter i hope to read the next one soon.
| rcmgamer89 chapter 3 . 4/27/2010
Good chapter, as usual
| Zedax chapter 2 . 4/7/2010
cool a bit boring and could use a bit more detail other then that plane awesome
| Michael The SyrJirk chapter 1 . 4/6/2010
It's pretty interesting, and has a good start on it. But you should check your spelling other than that it seemed alright.
| newfoundspartan chapter 2 . 4/4/2010
Best advice now watch your spelling you've got some misspelled words that make it kind of difficult to understand what you're writing. Also the romance is still moving too fast I would've expected both Micheal and Ahsoka to be hesitant about this. Micheal for fear of losing another lover, and Ahsoka because of the code. Make those changes and your story will be better.
| rcmgamer89 chapter 2 . 4/3/2010
Cool, sweet, sad, GREAT CHAPTER! Update soon.
| newfoundspartan chapter 1 . 4/1/2010
Interesting start looking forward to where you're going to take this. A bit of advice when writing character thoughts it's best to put them in italics just helps the reader out better, and helps the story flow a bit easier.
| PhoenixTen chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
Hopefully I won't sound too harsh, but while reading this I saw a few things that needed pointing out.
1. Though this is a good start to a story, it needs some development. Some detail in your character's feelings and some description of what is going on around him beyond the action would go a long way. For example, whether the air in the ship was warm or cool, the sound of the engines, descriptive details about the ships.
2. You seem to have a couple of continuity errors. Soda and Evanescence don't exist in the Star Wars universe, however something similar might. Just try to be more vague and use the genre of music or something similar. Also, Wayland, as far as I can tell, was virtually unknown during the Clone Wars era. It was in the KOTOR era, but then virtually forgotten until well after Revenge of the Sith. Little checks like this are easy to miss, though Wookieepedia is a great resource for things like this.
3. Your character and ship names seem to be missing a little flavour. "Michael" seems just a tad too 'earthy'. Perhaps change the spelling to give it a more sci-fi feel? Also, "Jedi's Strength" and "Beautiful Togruta" don't really sound like names one would be likely to see in-universe...well, the second maybe, but only as a really broken down smuggler's ship. I'd recommend slightly more elegant or more menacing names for official ships like these, for example "Glory of the Republic", "Coruscant's Destiny", and other names like that.
Hopefully I didn't come across as a total biotch, as I am genuinely trying to help you better yourself, not tear you down. As an authour, myself, I know there's nothing worse than a review that doesn't do anything to help you.
| Mirkenza-H chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
Hey, Sacred Keybearer,
I really hope you don't mind a bit of critique of your writing. I apologize right off if I may come off as harsh, this is not my intention at all, I just feel that you may benefit from a little bit of constructive criticism, as I see a lot of potential for both you and this story.
This first thing I noticed about your story was that there was very little description. The actions were clear, but there wasn't that much going on with you descriptors. You might have, for instance, incorporated more of how you character was feeling during this battle (and the rest of the story). Show the reader that he was excited, afraid, or whatever else he may have felt. Try to draw the reader into the action; describe that smells, tastes, and other sensory experiences that are going on. Maybe your character could smell the burning metal, or feel the sweat on his brow...
The other problem I had with your story was, sadly, your character himself. I suppose I was a little frustrated, because he felt like a very flat, personality-less plot device. There was nearly no development to him, and by the time he was telling his story I was shaking my head at the cliche rather than feeling anything for him. There was nothing about him that made him human to me...he was, to put it bluntly, similar to Bella Swan of the Twilight series. Neither character had any voice, even though the story was told from their perspective. I couldn't sympathize with or care about him, and so once Ahsoka entered the story I found myself nearly praying that there would be no romance between the two of them. I would recommend taking a Mary Sue litmus test for your character, if you wish, I could link you to a good one.
The romance itself felt very forced, predictable, and unrealistic. Did they not move a little fast? In any well done romance (be it canon/canon, canon/OC, or OC/OC), there is the building of a relationship. Two people do not simply meet, feel bad for one another, and suddenly fall in love. Maybe if you had showed them spending time together, and getting to know each other, the romance part would have worked better. It can be a little tiring to write all of the bonding between two characters, but it pays off at the end, because it makes the attraction between them feel much more real, and helps the reader to love the couple.
My last criticism on this piece would be the fact that you seemed to forget your universe at a few points. I may be nitpicking here a little bit, but where would your character have gotten Mountain Dew? The band Evanescence (I assume you mean their 'Taking Over Me') also does not exist in the Star Wars universe. When writing in an established universe, keep the rules of said universe in mind.
Your spelling and grammar could use a little work, but they're not terrible by any means, so I won't spend much time there.
On the plus side, I really liked that you incorporated your knowledge of Star Wars technology in the story. Identifying the different vehicles showed me that you do care about the universe and the technology represented within.
I hope this has helped you a little bit, as this was NOT meant as a flame, simply as a few tips. My only aim is to help you grow as an author, and I hope that you weren't offended by my critiques of your work. It DOES show a lot of potential! Please feel free to contact me on fanfic or my DevART if you have any questions about my critique:-)
(This is LadyRevan1207 from DevART)
| rcmgamer218 chapter 1 . 3/29/2010