Reviews for Life in a Yellow Zone
Ender1030 chapter 2 . 4/12/2010
Lovely theme. excellent story telling, But i do have some complaints.

length (but you said you'd make the third chapter it longer so Im satisfied somewhat)

I'd also prefer to see a little bit more description, reading about 8 paragraphs, with 4 of them dialogue really isn't much reading is it?
feastguy101 chapter 2 . 4/4/2010
Peter, you need to understand what kind of world this is. Imagine yourself, miserable (as in deprived of all your possessions), hungry, probably enduring severe pshycological trauma (you saw your little sister, the person you most loved, suffer a fate worse than death!) and on top of all that, everything you tought was there to help you, police, military (GDI, I may remember you that they were kicked out from a hospital at gunpoint!) just stabbing you in the back, and even on all that, walking over 40 miles BAREFOOTED. At this state, you will do almost ANYTHING to survive, including to gun down two crooks, one of them a gang member AND searching trough their pockets. Now I know I made Darien look like a pshyco (and I thank you for pointing out that flaw), but I actually wanted to make him look severely traumatized (English is unfortunatly not my first language).

I'm currently working on the 3rd chapter, it will probably be longer. I hope you like reading this (it is my first novelized literary work, I usually write political and economical essays, so bear with me, people, please).

Cheers,

feastguy101
Peter chapter 2 . 4/2/2010
The story started out really promising, then the main character seemed to turn into a psychopathic thug. You have to be cold hearted indeed to not only kill for the first time in your life but also to strip the body of valuables.

Hao: Please do write the story you had in mind. It sounds like you have many great ideas to implement into some gripping piece of fiction.
militaryhistory chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
Not a bad job, not at all. I'm wondering where you're going with this.
Bobohatta chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
forgot to say in my last review. I like how the story starts and hope to see more
hao chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
Arrgh! You took my idea! I was thinking of writing a story about civilian life in the zones, actually one right

before the Rio uprising, and the uprising through the eyes of a civilian. Maybe now you want to do that?

Just a few ideas I had for my story you might want to use now, my story was supposed to take place in the Tiberium infested slums of Rio

I was kinda trying to explain how discontent brew against GDI by contrasting 2 worlds.

Nod preachers living amongst the impoverished masses - GDI propaganda men standing atop of APC's and guard towers

Slum dwellers hired as day labourers in GDI administration centers, shaggy dirty people scrubbing the floor and doing other menial labors - high tech,

clean, well fed GDI soldiers and civilian personel walking and chatting past the miserable mass, oblivious to the envy in their eyes.

'A world for everyone' style slogan on GDI banner the official GDI policy versus reality of policy implementation - Relentless patronizing,

verbal and occassional physical abuse by GDI personel on the Zone dwellers. (I was hoping to emphasize the superiority feeling of the Blue zone

people that blinds them to how the Yellow Zone dweller actually percieve them)

GDI officers and administrators recieving orders but carry them out in ways they please.

A strong emphasis on how common death is amongst the zone dwellers from desease, mutant raids, gang fighting. With GDI personel watching but doing

nothing.

Civilians making a living by HANDPICKING (haversting) tiberium with crude protetive gear

A new type of racism, who is now more human, those that dwell close to tiberium are considered by many blue zone dwellers as true subhumans.

An extrem level of muddy squalor (was planning to use Victorian London as a model)

People yearning for some kind of divine release

Nod infiltrators under command of Legion skillfully manipulating the civilian and GDI personel alike, and a introduction of the Legendary insurgent.