Reviews for Fruity Secrets
valuvi chapter 1 . 2/22
This was pure gold
Anonymous chapter 1 . 12/22/2013
"Oh dear, I hope you didn't just read that one story about Rudolf and , I suppose that one would be less traumatizing on you than, say, the one with Dr. Nanjo and the demon goats."
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YOU. JUST. MADE. MY. DAY. XD *brb rofl*
Misaki Haninozuka chapter 1 . 11/3/2013
beato is a genius
Mertiya chapter 1 . 9/1/2013
*cackling* Yes. Yes, I can picture this very easily. Beautiful job. :)
VampireAreej chapter 1 . 1/10/2013
LOL I wouldn't expect less from Beato. And what is Battler gonna do with the soap?
Zany chapter 1 . 12/28/2012
"Battler's long-held suspicions that Beato did indeed have an S&M fetish" XD ROFL!
Oh god, episode 2, NEVER EVER EVER EVER watch that with your parents in the room, no matter how much you claim "It's not what it looks like" they will NEVER understand.

This was hilarious, I love making fun of fanficiton authors, especially since it's all I do. Plus it just proves that Beatrice is a troll like the rest of us had suspected.
fukuji mihoko chapter 1 . 11/10/2011
oh, beato, you troll XD this is totally something she would do as well XDD
RandomAbadon chapter 1 . 5/12/2011
Lol don't you think battle would come back if he found lemons? He's such a perv! Kehhehehe! *Beato laugh* XD this was great though, I LOVE BATTLER/BEATO! they are Sooooo cute! 3 3 lol those crack pairings were great! (...umm they WERE crack-pairings right...? I'm new to Umineko)
Nearly As Classy chapter 1 . 2/25/2011
Wow... I guess I found my new favorite author! seriously love this! And I keep imagining Beato with a "just as planned" smacked into her face! What a troll! Even though this was short... it was still pretty funny lmao... please keep it up!
RainfallSeven chapter 1 . 12/10/2010
This is soo funny XD
Immortal x Snow chapter 1 . 4/11/2010
...

I... I hope you know my mom is outside my door this moment, asking me what's so funny. XD

I came across this in the middle of doing my World History homework, and I don't think I'm going to be able to finish it now, lol!

Beatrice is totally the type of person who'd write lemons, without a doubt. It doesn't surprise me that Battler would go looking for her game plans, either, haha.

You constantly make me happy with your use of good English. _ So few people can actually write coherently or even well these days: it's definitely refreshing to be able to read something without my eye twitching because of a misspelling or grammatical error, lol. I can't even really give you much constructive criticism; you write very well. (:

I definitely had to say my face looked like "o_e" throughout a few parts, however, but it was in a good way. XD The parts with Eva x Natsuhi, Kinzo x Genji (especially when Kinzo forced Genji into a dress - oh my gosh...), and Rosa x Rudolph really kind of weirded me out, but that's just the way Beato is, right? XD

And now that I'm done with that part of my massive review... I'm going to point out my favorite parts. _ I hope you like long reviews, haha.

"When he was done reading, Battler realized his face was flushed. That...was so wrong. And yet...somehow...it was really, really...hot.

It was almost like...a lemon. Something that was sour, yet tasty."

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people came up with that for why lemons are referred to as such, you know? (It actually came from something else, but I like Battler's idea better!)

"Genji," spoke Kinzo, pacing across the room, "I have failed once again to revive my beloved..." He then ran over to the window and cried out "BEATORICHE!"

Gotta love Kinzo, lol.

"The rest of it was, amazingly enough, even more graphic than the first. To say nothing of the fact that it got so many things about the male anatomy just plain wrong. Battler wasn't an expert in biology, but he knew enough about the male system to know that was not how it worked. At. All."

Actually, I would have used "anatomy" or "physiology" instead of "biology," but biology works really well, too. If Beatrice messed up anything in her, er, writing endeavors, that's definitely what I can see her messing up with, so good job for coming up with that idea. (:

"The rest of the story only confirmed Battler's long-held suspicions that Beato did indeed have an S&M fetish."

RUN, BATTLER, RUN. D:

"Oh dear, I hope you didn't just read that one story about Rudolf and Rosa. Well, I suppose that one would be less traumatizing on you than, say, the one with Dr. Nanjo and the demon goats."

*eye twitches repeatedly* Oh. My. Veda. XD I laughed so hard here.

"Argh! It's useless! It's all useless!" cried out Battler. He ran right out of the room, shoving past Beato, hoping he could find a good, strong soap to get the burning images out of his mind.

"That'll teach him not to go through my stuff again," laughed Beato, taking out the plans for the fourth game from up her sleeve."

Ah, as tsundere as ever, I see. XD Good way to incorporate Battler's tagline, lol.

Also: for some reason, the title made me think you were going to make Beato lesbian or something involving, er, homosexuality. I guess that just shows I have a dirty mind. XD;

Well, I hope I didn't make your brain explode with this huge review. ._.' Good job! I loved it!

(And thanks for reminding me of my Beato x Battler lemon hiding somewhere in my computer, lol!)
skywolf666 chapter 1 . 4/6/2010
(jaw hits the floor) You weren't kidding about the crack now were you, my dear? Holy shitake mushrooms. I... think I just died. My head will not process all of this at once. NatsuhixEva... KinzoxNanjo then... then... Rudolf and ROSA? (trips over myself in shock) And what do you know, Rosa is totally a sadistic seme... (not even a bit surprised) I loved the joke you had there about her nickname. Though... Rosa better watch her ass if Kyrie ever finds out about that. After all, she did pretty much out-Envy, Envy.

What wouldn't Beato do in tsun mode...? o.o

(faved because... Well, I still don't even know, but I need to have this on my favourites.) Can I spread this around to my fellow Umi fans? A few of my mates on DA would die to see this.

Sky
beautifly92 chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
Hahahahaha

Beato's such a crack xD
o-cakes chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
Grahahaha! WIN! It was so funny! Beatrice should try writing a Battler/Beatrice lemon :O *hint hint* XD

Ah, well... Great job as always, it was very fun to read! XD I almost fainted at "I have been suppressing my secret desires for far too long...now that our boorish husbands are gone, I think you know what we need to do..."

XD
Kirino chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
ROFL. BRILLIANT.